Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] I am just wrapped up a little pool time with some mom friends because it is back to school time. Kids are back and today was the first day both of my kids are back in school and oh, I can breathe a little sigh of relief. Like summer is always fun but it's so much work. It's so much work working and having your kids at home and trying to entertain them and not suck as a parent and not like the, the balance of parental responsibilities on top of like work and how it's just, but having it all the time, it's ah.
[00:00:54] So anyways, I am super, I was, I'm super excited they're back and I'm feeling already a little lighter. Like I've had a couple days of just like kind of crazy anxiety, like mom guilt and you know, the like, are you doing enough? Are you doing too much? Are you being, you know, an overbearing parent? Are you being too hands off? Like the, the world just feels so, so different even now than it did two years ago when I took my oldest to like middle school for sixth grade. Like that was a drop off situation. And now there's like meet and greets and orientations and you're supposed to like walk them to the door and things that like I didn't even think about with my oldest. So I'm really happy that, yeah, like we can maybe resume some normal, like normal routines and like, I don't know, just that they're not in the house 24 7. So cheers to all the parents that have survived the summer and their kids are back in school. And cheers to all the fucking teachers that put up with our, our, our, our lovely, our lovely children.
[00:02:12] All right, so my update for this week is things are going really well with J man. So I've been spending a lot of time thinking about, you know, like past relationships and what's worked and what hasn't worked and why things have worked and didn't work. And I think I was kind of hung up on this ideal of, you know, you, you see someone online, let's. Because we're talking about the online world and you immediately have this attraction to them and you're like, yes, like this person sounds amazing. And you go into it with this assumption that they're amazing and then I guess little by little they wear that away.
[00:03:05] The, what you thought was amazing in the, in the. You like put them on this pedestal before you even met them and there's nowhere to go. Like You. You either stand the pedestal, which I. It doesn't really happen, or you don't, and you find things that irk you a little bit or give you the ick. Um, and in this situation, I went in, like, unassuming of, like, anything of who this person was, of my attraction to this person, like, being set up.
[00:03:50] I didn't have. I. He was not. He was not on a pedestal. It was just, let's meet and see if we get along. Let's see if we enjoy each other's company.
[00:04:02] And I'm. I'm fascinated by this because I feel like every.
[00:04:07] Every single time I talk to him or I see him, the connection grows more even. Like, every time, almost like, I text him, he. He becomes even more in tune with who I am and more genuine and more caring. And so instead of, like, having some. These high hopes and these high expectations, I had very. I'm not gonna say low hopes, but, like, I didn't have the expectation.
[00:04:37] And he continues to, like, show up and show me who he is in this most, like, authentic way that I don't. I don't honestly know that I've experienced.
[00:04:53] That I've experienced, like. And that seems.
[00:04:55] That's, like, a scary thing to say. Like, that I almost feel like I've been very superficial and that I know that's not right because I'm. I'm not. But, like, that I have just judged, you know, judged a book by its cover or, like, judged a book by the first couple pages. Like, I don't know. And, like, books usually get better towards the end. I don't know. Like, bad analogy maybe, but, like, we've had some really, really fun times together recently.
[00:05:35] Like, Like, I. Last week, I was out at a work event and went to meet him for a drink, and I did. I dressed up a little bit, like, knowing that I was probably gonna see him.
[00:05:53] And I got to where we were, and he was super complimentary, which is always, like. As a woman, I think it's just really nice to hear that, you know, the. Somebody finds you attractive.
[00:06:07] But I was just, like. I was kind of out of it in a way. Like, I wasn't.
[00:06:12] I just was, like, low. Like, running low on energy. I don't eat. Like, I don't. I was just in a weird mental state.
[00:06:19] And so, like, we stayed and had a drink, but ended up back at. At my place just to, like, hang out.
[00:06:27] And we ended up, like, laying in bed and listening to music for, I don't know, an hour, hour and a half. Like song after song and singing and talking about the music and sharing kind of stories about different types of music and like, what the music reminds us of. And I don't. I mean, it was actually like, it was so fucking fun. It was so fun.
[00:06:56] And at the end of that, I felt like, full. Like, I felt like, like I was low. Like, like I was kind of like an empty almost. And through that time and that just ex. I don't know, that experience, like, I, I felt very, very seen and very like, okay, like we kind of maybe get each other even more than I thought we did.
[00:07:26] And then I had a friend over on Friday and you know, I was, I was telling, I was filling her in. I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks of like, what's been, been going on. And like, she was, she's super encouraging and you know, I think I'm like, I'm.
[00:07:46] I'm actually surprisingly very hopeful right now. And I know I'm not always that way, but like, sharing my, like kind of sharing my story with her and telling her like, what has happened in the last, like, couple weeks and also really made me realize, like, no, like, this is.
[00:08:09] This, this has potential. This is good.
[00:08:16] So I have invited him this weekend to a friendly party that I'm going to. It's a, it's a belly flop competition and, and we get to bring a plus one.
[00:08:31] So I think he's going to be a great plus one.
[00:08:34] I like to bring someone into a situation where they know no one but you.
[00:08:40] And it's kind of like a, like a, it's not like a super close knit group, but it's like fairly close knit.
[00:08:50] And, and he's actually like super excited about it. Like, I don't know. I.
[00:08:57] The fact that he has this ability to.
[00:09:01] Or I think he has this ability, this is, this is my assumption to show up where he knows no one but me and make friends and be comfortable and you know, like, that's, that's a huge thing for me.
[00:09:21] So I'm going out, out on a limb. I'm going to introduce him to some people and, and we'll see. It's a good. I'm not going to say it's a test because it's not a test, but it's, it's a good, it's good to see how people are in those situations. And also like, can he handle.
[00:09:42] I don't think I get too crazy, but can he handle, like the louder, maybe more obnoxious that I already am? Tracy, like, I I don't know.
[00:09:51] So. Okay, that is on Saturday and I guess wish us luck.
[00:09:56] It's good. I think it's gonna be super fun.
[00:10:02] I also forgot to mention that I think my matchmaker, as much as she's enjoying this, I mean, assuming like Saturday goes well, she may be out of a job. Like I'm.
[00:10:14] I don't know. That's kind of scary to say out loud as well.
[00:10:19] Um, she. She tried to set me up with this one guy that. No, just, just like I'm trying to be open minded, but absolutely zero attraction. So.
[00:10:36] Yeah, I don't know. She may have to be. You know, if you guys are looking for somebody, you might have to let me know and then I can put her on your case.
[00:10:44] Okay. This funny, this fun. Like, I wanted to kind of save this funny for this whole episode because it's funn is fascinating.
[00:10:54] Okay, there's like, I'm on Facebook and there was this prompt. Things men find unattractive in women. Men speak out. We are listening.
[00:11:09] Like this, this could. This could be like an hour episode based on these things these men have written.
[00:11:17] Okay, I'm just gonna read. I'm just gonna read a couple and you guys are just.
[00:11:22] Okay. Things that men find unattractive of women. Masculine energy, high body count.
[00:11:30] We are looking for respect and peace and real connection. True femininity, Kindness, caring, loyal, submissive without being a doormat. Like, okay, you.
[00:11:46] If you want someone that's submissive without being like a dormant. Like, I don't like. Are you talking sexually? Because then you should be like, you should tell. Say that's what you're looking for. It's a partnership where we both know their role. Men lead, women are led.
[00:12:04] A woman that a man can lead, who respects him and will have his undivided attention and will be cherished and protected. Like, that makes me want to throw the phone across the goddamn room.
[00:12:23] Okay. And like high body count came up. Like, there's like a thousand responses in this prompt. Like, high body count came up a lot. So. But like, so men don't like women that have a past like that. It's just a fucking double standard.
[00:12:44] They don't like when we're a spokesperson for other women.
[00:12:52] Okay.
[00:12:55] And then this guy says, women in the western culture, the fact that so many have absolutely no appreciat appreciation for the fact that men built. Continue to build and maintain the very fabric of the society we live in. Men built the very civilization that so many women in the west get used.
[00:13:14] Wes get to be Delusional in like what the actual.
[00:13:19] Like the, the, the. The.
[00:13:24] I just, I don't, I don't even, I don't even, I don't even have words. Like I could spend all day on this page just talking back to these ignorant assholes.
[00:13:43] This guy says he doesn't like treating your body poorly. Binge drinking, smoking, etc, no hobbies, always partying. He must be really young. Poor finances, zero self respect.
[00:13:55] Like, and then he says high body count slash validation seeking. Okay, I don't think zero self respect is high body count and validation seeking. I think most people want to feel validated in what they bring to the table. And again, I have a problem with them having an issue with the high body count.
[00:14:18] This guy says always late, always overpacking for a trip.
[00:14:25] He goes on about a tackle box full of makeup, blah, blah, blah.
[00:14:30] This guy says sharp.
[00:14:35] I feel really bad for this guy. Sharp teeth and web rubbed feet.
[00:14:41] Well Jay, I agree with you.
[00:14:45] I mean that's not, that's not necessarily attractive.
[00:14:54] Yelling and cursing, smoking and drama.
[00:15:00] Thomas. Thomas says being overweight, feminist, having a bunch of stupid comma tattoos and piercings. He doesn't even know how to like use punctuation. Smoking or vaping, drinking frequently, being needy, stuck up, entitled, shallow, unintelligent, worry too much about what other people's think, what other people think, etc. Engaging in a group like I can't even read this. Engaging in a group think. When it comes to decision making, that's a start. I can add being rude, obnoxious and argumentative. Like what?
[00:15:40] And then like women are. Then like there's backlash. Like women don't like when men can't spell. Spelling unattractive. Like fascinating. Okay, I think I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm done after this. Because like, but this, like you guys can see how this could go forever and you, how you could just like get sucked into this and want to like, like it's not my job to correct Ben. Because like, no, I mean you are who you are. Like, and maybe you'll find someone, but like you're a piece of fucking shit. Okay, Cleveland says headstrong, over opinionated, unrealistic, unfair, closed mind, annoying wigs, bonnet makeup, fake lashes, out of shape, high body count and get, get how you like he spelled high body count? I just. Because like this is the shit that I'm like, you want this like I don't know, fucking perfect person. And he spelled high H I body count.
[00:16:44] And then, and then Keith says some other Guys dick. Like.
[00:16:48] Like, oh, my God. And. And. And. And every time I wonder, like, why I'm single or, like, what I think, like, what is.
[00:16:59] Like, is it something that I'm doing that just reminds me that there are a lot of shitty dudes out there?
[00:17:13] I also believe there's a lot of good guys out there. And, you know, I get to poke fun at the ones that just are fucking idiots. But realistically, like, it's just, like, you don't know, like, that could be the guy you're going out with for a drink that you thought that I thought on their profile looked amazing. Like, I think I would have figured that out by them, but maybe not so fucking horrifying.
[00:17:45] So, anyways, I was thinking if you guys have any really good stories or you want to share your story, like, it could be how you met your person. It could be a bad dating story. It could be anything. And you want either me to share your story or you would like to share your story? Because I think there's power. There's so much power in speaking your truth and speaking about your reality and what you've gone through.
[00:18:13] I'm not saying I'm not dating anymore, but I'm. I'm saying, like, what if something is good with J man, and then I don't have any more horrible stories to tell you guys about, like, what if? What if? And then this is a big hypothetical. Like, we're still away from that, but, like, I need to start thinking about, like, what if that happens? Like, I want to share your stories, so feel free to email me at hello at Flirt flirting just in after40.com or you can find me on Instagram, send me a message. I would love to either, like, share your story on your behalf or have you share your story.
[00:18:55] I apologize. I was just interrupted by my ex and my children arriving at my house and just walking in my house. Good thing I wasn't banging somebody on my couch. Like, bitches, you know better than that. You can't just, like, show up unannounced.
[00:19:14] Okay, you can also tell me a story about banging on your couch and your kids walk in, but. Okay, so you can email me or you can find me on Instagram at flirt and after 40. But I don't know, I feel like maybe the show needs to evolve into some of y' all stories instead of just my stories. I still have more stories to share.
[00:19:38] And I, like, as I was saying, like, I believe that, like, women supporting women, it's such a powerful community, and if. If we can just build each other up and not tear each other down and really support each other in whatever. Whatever it is we're doing, we will be far better.
[00:20:02] And. And in dating, in that world, like, it's not a. It doesn't have to be a competition.
[00:20:09] Your truth is yours, and your experiences are yours, and we all deserve whatever it is we're seeking. So, anyways, thank you guys for listening, and, yeah, send me a message. Let's follow along. Let's help each other out. All right. Have a great week.
