Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there. It's Tracy with flirting after 40. Just a reminder for everyone why I'm doing this. It is to find love.
[00:00:14] It seems to be increasingly harder to even get a date as I'm doing this. However, I remain hopeful.
[00:00:22] Last week, I know I told you guys I had a date scheduled. Well, he was sick, had a sore throat, so he canceled on me. I'm not surprised that maybe he really was sick. Like, that does. That does happen. I just. It seems to be a trend.
[00:00:40] And, yeah, it just kind of sucks. I did meet Sparky for a couple beers and some food, and that was really good. And for those who are following that story, he.
[00:00:54] He's a great guy. But what I realized, which is amazing, is that I think he's a great friend. He seems like a great guy. I'm happy for whatever he's gonna do to better himself, but I'm no longer invested or feel the feelings that I had. Like, I think what I want and what I'm really sad about is I want that kind of a man. Like, he's a good man.
[00:01:31] It's not going to be him, but it doesn't mean that I don't want a good man still. And I don't. Like. I do think he's a great example of what I'm looking for. So it gives me the hope that it's out there, because it is.
[00:01:50] And it just. I feel better. Like, I'm okay with it not being him now.
[00:01:57] And there's differing opinions of, should you see your ex or be friends with your ex or. And he and I were never even exclusive, so maybe it's a little different. But for me, it's given me the closure I need because I think had I not seen him and keep being friends with him, I would have maybe idealized and romanticized the relationship a little bit more than it needed to be. So, yeah, I feel really good about that.
[00:02:33] I mean, I told him I was like, I kind of maybe need a fuck buddy. I wasn't ne. I wasn't insinuating it should be him, but I'm kind of at that point right now where I'm like, okay, I've been unsuccessfully dating for a lot. A long time. I haven't had any dates in a really long time. And, like, this girl's got some needs, so I don't think that's going anywhere. He didn't. He didn't really pick up on that. But, yeah, moving along.
[00:03:14] Yeah. So no dates. It's been. It's been a rather quiet Week. And with that time, I'm just kind of taking the time to be with myself, grow, reflect, and enjoy it. Enjoy the quiet.
[00:03:33] All right, so sex party gone wrong 2.0 or part 2?
[00:03:43] He just left the party. So the woman hosting the party comes downstairs and she says, hey, Tracy.
[00:03:52] He's not upstairs. He's not. His truck is not here.
[00:03:57] I think he's left.
[00:04:00] And I got up, got dressed, and immediately I'm, like, emotional. I'm like, like, crying. I'm like, what the. Like, I'm mad. I'm. I'm mad. Like, I don't know if you've ever been like that. So mad that you cry kind of crying. Like, just disbelief. And like, what? Like, I was just in this state of almost denial. Like, he wouldn't.
[00:04:30] Who would leave someone at a sex party that they brought? Who would leave someone that they promised to be their person? And, like, hey, we're uncomfortable. We're going to leave together.
[00:04:43] Who would leave without saying goodbye? Who would just desert you an hour away from your house?
[00:04:49] This guy would.
[00:04:53] So at this point, like, I'm upset. He's gone. The party is just, like, over. Pretty, like, people leave and I call him, I text him, I call him. Nothing. He's not answering.
[00:05:09] The woman hosting the party calls him. He doesn't answer. So I'm, like, hanging out with the couple and that. Like, hanging. We're just, like, sitting around chatting and, like, so I can try to, like, regulate myself. And so I do screenshot some messages because, I don't know, sometimes it's good to look back and funny to look back on messages. This was not necessarily one of those, but I. I have a couple messages. I did not screenshot everything, but during this time, he sends me a text. This is almost at 11:00 at night. It says, hey, sorry I had to bail and didn't want to ruin your fun.
[00:05:54] I respond with what? He says, you're having a good time and I'm not feeling it. And I said, well, talk to me. Because at this point, I'd been calling. He says, go have fun. All good.
[00:06:06] I'm like, no. And my response is, no.
[00:06:09] Hear anything else, couple? Like, I would. I want to say, like, an hour later. And I don't have a screenshot of this, so I'm coming from memory.
[00:06:16] He's like, I don't. I, like, I don't need to see a guy's dick in your hand. I don't need to see you making out with someone. Like, fuck off. This is the is the summary of the message. And I'm like, yo, whoa, whoa, time out. Like, you, you were the one, if you recall, from last week, sitting on a beanbag getting a blow job while I was sitting at the bar having a drink, just chatting with everybody. Like, can we pause for a moment of recognition of double standards? So I, I get in the Uber, I get an Uber home. I'm a disaster in it. Like, not like a dainty like weeping, like full out crying.
[00:07:06] And oh, I should pause here. Warning, if anyone is has triggers of emotional abuse, you should probably not continue because it gets pretty dicey from here.
[00:07:20] Or stalking again, like it doesn't go well. So I'm in the Uber and you know, I actually end up telling the Uber driver what happened because it's kind of hard to hide my emotions at this point. And the driver, thankfully, he was amazing and made me just, just gave me the space to share and didn't judge me and got me home safely. So that night I get home and there's a text from him. Like it's, it's almost midnight. Um, and it says like, I'll give you a ride if you want, but you don't have to go home. Call me if you want to talk to me, please.
[00:08:08] Never mind. It was nice meeting you. At least you made some new friends. You're probably getting fucked. That's why you can't talk to me. So goodbye.
[00:08:17] Not sad enough to actually talk to me. You came with me but literally were paying, was paying attention to everyone more than me. You didn't, you didn't even touch my before you had others in your hand. Thanks you for barely kissing me. At least say something. Okay, I won't message or call anymore. So that's the message I got after I got home. I wake up the next morning and there are seven to 10 missed calls from him and more texts.
[00:08:52] And I'm like, dude, I am done texting. I am done talking to you. You left me at a party.
[00:08:59] You didn't answer your phone when I tried to call you. I have nothing left to say to you.
[00:09:06] I'm not kidding. He called a dozen more times. So many more text messages.
[00:09:13] And then.
[00:09:15] So this was a Friday now.
[00:09:18] I like, was just a mess. I ended up working from home or basically just sitting on the couch being like, what in the world is happening?
[00:09:29] Around 2:00, there's a ring at my doorbell and I have a ring and I looked at it and it's him at my house.
[00:09:39] I don't answer the door I don't acknowledge he's there.
[00:09:46] And he leaves me a bag of food that he had made.
[00:09:52] He is a chef and flowers and a grocery bag at my door. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what the point was. Maybe so there was no car. There was nothing. It was just here's food and flowers. Like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right thing is.
[00:10:09] And I'm a nice person. I think I said like, I sent a text like, thank you for the food and the flowers.
[00:10:17] Still don't have any desire to talk to you, but you know, best of luck. He says. I get a text, it says, call me, please.
[00:10:25] And I say, okay, I'm on a work call. Give me a few. He responds, that's fine.
[00:10:32] Why can't you just try? Fucking hurt my feelings. Bye. Even so and so and so and so whose party we were at, understood and said, no hard feelings. Fuck, I delete your number. So I quit texting you.
[00:10:49] I'm done with all this. I fucking met you for not even two days and started to fall for you. And then I had to fuck it up. No more of the sites or clubs or anything. Have fun trying to be monogamous. You're not being fair to me. I can't just give up.
[00:11:04] Are sure there's nothing I can do? We can start over. Whatever I can do, whatever I can do to give you peace of mind. Are you working from home? Just call me and give me five more minutes.
[00:11:19] Like at this point, I'm like, he is insane. I, I like back to back to back. I'm not interjecting in any of these texts. He can't even respect the fact that I'm at work or working and give me a little peace and quiet at some point where I'm. I wish I had the full. I wish I had the full story and the full text. But I say, let's just move on. He says, I want to know why. Like, what's your problem? I'm not allowed to joke with you. You know I was not serious whatsoever. Fine, you, I don't need to try to make up for bullshit. You're the one way overreacting and then can't even pick up your phone like a adult and talk. Best of luck to you. You were probably back with so and so and so and so. Say hi to them and fuck you fucking cunt. I'm too fucking good for you. Go date your big fat dudes.
[00:12:22] Like I don't know what to say. So I said, I am done. Best of luck to you.
[00:12:33] What the fuck? Why are you. Seriously, what the fuck is your deal? Fine. You want to be done, then fine. You're fucking ridiculous. Talk about going to the extreme. Dude, answer your phone and quit. And quit acting like this. Jesus. Yeah, I'm not going through this again. If you can't take a joke and around this tight, it wouldn't have worked anyways. All you had to do was say something like funny, like haha funny. But now you have to fly into a pissy mood.
[00:13:02] You guys, I. I know I'm a little, maybe even out of sequence here, but anyone, anyone who speaks to you like that is absolute garbage. And the fact that I even tolerated it and, and read the messages makes me feel sick to my stomach.
[00:13:27] What he did was so horrible and unforgivable and scary.
[00:13:44] Like I said last week, like, I had that, like originally I said, no, we shouldn't, you know, we shouldn't go to this party.
[00:13:51] And I think that was my gut just, you know, keeping me in check. And I didn't listen to it. And what happened? I'm safe.
[00:14:02] A little scarred, but I'm safe.
[00:14:06] It could have ended up totally different.
[00:14:10] I'm fortunate and I feel very blessed that the couple who was hosting it were kind and nice and took care of me because it might not have been like that, you know, I. I also am fortunate that I had friends that helped me through this. I had a great therapist, but not everybody has that and the, like, I've told the story to a couple people and women have reached out to me that I don't know that know I dated this man and had a bad experience and have shared similar experiences, have shared that their friends are dealing with something with him regarding abuse.
[00:15:07] And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that he's still out there doing these things.
[00:15:14] And he's attractive.
[00:15:16] He seems like a really good guy. I mean, I met him and I was willing to go to a sex party with him, like, and I feel like I have a really good intuition, a really good gut. And yeah, he tricked me and he's awful. So, ladies, gentlemen, whoever, just trust your gut.
[00:15:44] Something feels off, it probably is. And I know that's easier said than done. You know, if anybody needs a friend, I'm here. I just, I can't imagine that people go through this all the time.
[00:16:01] And I think it's just total.
[00:16:06] We deserve better, clearly. And he does not deserve to be out roaming around and doing this to women. And It. This is, you know, a year and a half ago, so it's. It's taken me a long time to even get to the point where I feel comfortable sharing it and not being judged.
[00:16:29] Yeah. So I'm here for anybody. I'm here for your stories, your support. I'm here to make sure I'm doing the things that I can do to make sure this doesn't happen to other people, at least locally.
[00:16:45] Yeah, fuck these guys.
[00:16:51] Maybe some. Maybe someday I'll have a story about a sex party gone. Right? But in the meantime, no more sex parties for me.
[00:17:03] But I did. I did meet some new friends.
[00:17:08] I haven't talked to them in a long time, but they were checking on me now and then, and I saw them for another event.
[00:17:15] It's funny. It's funny how the world works.
[00:17:20] All right, so for my. Not so funny, because I was calling them my funnies, but they're not funny.
[00:17:28] Again, I don't have a really. I don't really have one. One guy I was talking to on the apps, he gave me his phone number, which I'm okay with. I kind of like it because then I can stalk them.
[00:17:42] At least I know the real.
[00:17:47] So he gave me his phone number, and he happens to have the exact same first and last name as one of my exes. Like. Like.
[00:18:00] Like an accent is very prominent. Was a very prominent person in my life. First and last name. Exactly.
[00:18:09] The funny. Well, that's kind of funny. It's just kind of like, what the fuck?
[00:18:15] But the funny thing is also is that he text me, and we're talking via text, and then I get back on the app and he's like, hey, gorgeous.
[00:18:34] I'm like, hey, like. And then he proceeds to talk to me on the app, and I'm like, I'm really confused. Like, what. Why are you talking to me on the app and texting me? Like, I think you don't even know who you're. Like, you don't realize that now we're the same people.
[00:18:56] Needless to say, that has not progressed and is not going to. But just.
[00:19:05] I mean, if you're talking to that many people, yay. I guess. But no, get it straight.
[00:19:13] Anyways.
[00:19:16] Oh, that was a lot. Thank you guys for listening.
[00:19:21] I.
[00:19:24] I appreciate everybody that's in my life and that has supported me, and I would not be able to be where I am without everyone and their support. And I hope everybody here knows that we're better than our mistakes and we don't deserve the things that happen to us that are not ideal.
[00:19:47] And there's nothing I can say or anybody can say to make it better, except that you're seeing and you're loved. And not everyone is that awful person. And stick around the good ones, because they. They. They do make it worthwhile. So thank you guys for listening, and I hope you have a lovely day.
