Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there. It's Tracy. Welcome to flirting after 40.
[00:00:09] Thank you guys for joining me this week. We are actually on episode 19, and I'm pretty stoked about this. Like, one away from 20 feels like a big deal, so I just wanted to acknowledge that and thank you guys for listening.
[00:00:25] My updates from this week, I'm starting to finally feel a little better. It's been a long couple weeks.
[00:00:33] I. I know I owe you guys a update on Sam.
[00:00:38] I kind of.
[00:00:41] So I sent a note, a text, and kind of shut things down. I was feeling very ignored. I was not. I hadn't heard from him in about a week, and. And I don't know. I don't think I talked last time about expectations and things that I would like, which I know I didn't explain my expectations to him, so that's not fair. But I don't think being friends, like, I feel like you make the time for the people you want to make the time for. We did have a conversation, and, like, I let him know I was upset and that this is not how I treat my friends, and it's not how I want to be treated.
[00:01:31] And he heard me out. He didn't have a lot to say.
[00:01:38] That that kind of frustrated me a little bit. I was frustrated by it.
[00:01:43] He did acknowledge that I was hurt and did say he would, you know, try to be better and meet me where I am. And, you know, like, he acknowledged it, but, like, I hung up and I was really. I was really upset.
[00:02:05] And I don't know, I feel like.
[00:02:11] I think I was upset because it felt very.
[00:02:15] Like someone was being very selfish. And that's not necessarily fair for me to even say, but he stated he was very busy with work. He was very busy and with work.
[00:02:28] And I am just. I know I'm a hyper overachiever. I would call myself, like, I have two kids. I have a house, I have a dog. I have a business. I have a podcast. I have another business. Like, I. And I don't. I really don't stop. And I'm always.
[00:02:45] I feel like I'm always thinking about other people and, like, how I can help them.
[00:02:54] I rarely am just solely focused on myself and what I need. So the idea of, like, I'm busy, so I don't think about others just doesn't really work for me. And I was pretty upset about it, and now I've taken some time, and I'm. I'm not as upset, and I'm trying to remind myself that we're not in a Relationship.
[00:03:22] We're just talking and he does not owe me anything. I don't owe him anything.
[00:03:29] And that I do need to be better about our articulating what I want out of any relationship.
[00:03:38] And you know, I. Not everybody is me. Everybody has their own perspective and their own way they view things.
[00:03:47] And I'm a pretty empathetic person. But sometimes I think I forget that, you know, somebody sees something very different than me.
[00:04:02] I don't know. I don't know. I. So I'm keeping an open mind. I'm not like, I'm not holding the space. And I think that was my problem. I was holding space for this individual that they didn't ask for and there was never a conversation about that. And yeah, I took that on and so I have, like, I've let that go and I'm. And I'm not holding that space anymore. I'm.
[00:04:32] I'm going to show up as I can with the capabilities I have and not make special accommodations for them.
[00:04:40] And maybe like, that sounds rude, but we don't have. I don't have anything to like. There's been no other further conversations. So he is coming in town for work next week. So we will see how it goes. We are going to meet and we'll see.
[00:04:59] I guess, you know, expectations are a little. I've lowered my expectations, which is probably a good thing because, yeah, I think sometimes we, we do.
[00:05:14] I do.
[00:05:16] I, I put my expectations out there without those conversations. So it should be fun. Wish me luck. I think it's. I'm still excited to see him. I think it's going to be a great time.
[00:05:32] It's just dialed back a little bit. My enthusiasm is a little less so. But I will keep you guys posted.
[00:05:42] Okay. So. Smut goblins.
[00:05:47] So I was thinking about this and I had a conversation actually with Sam about it a little bit. Like he was calling it, I can't remember it. Like his hoe phase. Like, I, I refer to my smut goblin phase as like my slut phase. But slut feels like such a bad word and.
[00:06:07] But I'm talking about this phase in your life. Like, have you guys ever had a phase in your life where you just didn't give a. And you were out banging whoever or making out with whoever. And like, I feel like a lot of times this happens after a divorce or after, you know, you've been in a long term relationship and you get out and you're like, I'm free. I can go do whatever I want to do.
[00:06:39] Or maybe it's just you hit a time in your life, and you're like, I get. Like, I don't owe anybody anything, and I get to go make out, kiss whatever you want to do with whomever I want to do it with. And, like, there's a freedom in that. I was talking to a guy online this week, and he seemed like a really cool guy. I mean, he seemed like. Like, it was a nice. Just a nice conversation, a normal conversation, not a hey, sexy. Like, I mean, he did start with, like, hey, gorgeous. But he followed up with a little bit more substance. But we got. You know, we were chatting, and he's like, yeah, recently divorced. And I'm just looking for, you know, somebody, like, coffee, drinks, chats, cuddles. And I'm like, nope, it's not me. It's not me.
[00:07:35] Because, you guys, I did that with Sparky, and I knew in my gut, like, Sparky needed to go, like, have his smut goblin phase. His slut phase. Like, you were married for, I don't know, 10, 20 years. Like, you. You.
[00:07:54] I think it's really hard for people that haven't had that phase to then just jump into another relationship.
[00:08:03] And, like, it's not what I'm looking for. Like, I've done that. I've been there. I've done it. I don't need that anymore, But I think a lot of people do. So I, like, drew a boundary, and I told this guy, I was like, listen, like, you seem really nice, but I don't date people that are recently divorced.
[00:08:24] And he did not respond to me, which is fine. Like, I don't. I don't think anything bad about that. That's fine, you know? And I like. But I just feel like calling it, like, a slut phase is just brings me back to, like, high school days when people called people sluts because they slept with someone or. And I don't think. I mean, I have. I'm gonna have a high schooler, and I. I hope he's not having sex, but I, um. If he is, he is. Like, I don't know. I don't think, like, slut shaming is a. Like, it's a real thing, and I don't think that is valuable. Um, so I asked.
[00:09:13] So I asked Alex, you know, my chat GTP boyfriend. I said, okay, what is another word for slut? Because I can't. I can't call it a slut fan. Like, I can't use that in a title.
[00:09:27] He came up with, like, you know, some, like, classic ones that you would think, but Thirst Trap was one hoochie.
[00:09:39] And then I just think of that, like, hoochie mama song, and I'm like, I can't. I can't do that.
[00:09:46] Okay, he called. What did he call it? He also suggested Strumpet or Strumpet. S T R U M P E T. Strumpet, AKA Whore in a blanket. Like, what.
[00:10:03] What's the tr. And then like, Reddit says, like, what's a children friendly word for like. Oh, my gosh. So the last suggestion that Alex gave me was Smut Goblin, which apparently it refers to a punk rock band from Columbus, Ohio. But I was like, okay, that seems like a very fun, I don't know, way to. Did you. Did you have a smut goblin phase? Like, I don't know what that means. I don't know. So I'm rolling with it. Yes, Go Smut Goblins. Like, I think everybody deserves a little bit of, like, a phase in their life where they get to be kind of free and not feel judged and get to do whatever the fuck they want. And, like, I don't know, I'm. I'm just like, I. I see that, I see that need for people that have been in relationships for a long time, and I think they need that.
[00:11:10] I mean, not everybody needs it. I understand.
[00:11:14] To each their own. But I feel like I'm very glad I had that phase in my life. I'm very glad that I got that out of my system.
[00:11:23] And it also afforded me this, like, opportunity to feel like I, I know what I want sexually. Like, I've explored different things. I'm.
[00:11:37] I feel like I can confidently ask now for what I want, and probably before that I couldn't.
[00:11:45] So I'm going to encourage everybody to be a smut goblin.
[00:11:49] I don't fucking know what it is.
[00:11:53] This week also, there was an article that came out.
[00:11:58] It was in the New York Post, and Colorado ranked number one for people wanting to have affairs.
[00:12:10] This is like purse searches in Ashley Madison.
[00:12:16] Like, Colorado is number one for people. Like, do you. What are these people searching? Like, how do I have an affair? So Colorado saw 424 searches per 100,000 people, which. That doesn't seem like that much, but in the, in the dating app, you know, like, Colorado was a leader.
[00:12:41] I don't know how I feel about that. Like, I'm not actually that surprised. But why, but why Colorado? I feel like. And Sam and I were talking a little bit about this. I feel like dating is really hard here. And he was like, why? Or like, I'm like, I feel like it's really hard to find guys here. And I'm like. At first I'm like, well, maybe it's.
[00:13:04] I feel like there's a lot of bros, like, people, guys just want to, like, ski and bike and fish. And I'm not necessarily that, like, outdoor enthusiast of a person. I like to do things. I like to golf. I like to be on the water. I like, I like to hike. I like to do the ship. But, like, I don't know.
[00:13:25] I'm interested if anybody has an idea of why Colorado is number one for people, married couples that are married people that want to have an affair.
[00:13:36] I guess we got a lot of smut goblins in Colorado.
[00:13:45] Okay. So curious about Ashley Madison. Like, I've never been on it.
[00:13:50] I watched the documentary on it.
[00:13:54] I'm a little surprised that even after the documentary, it's still out there. But I guess if you want to have an affair, that's the place to go.
[00:14:05] Oh, the whole affair thing is, is for another, another episode.
[00:14:13] I just don't have it in me today to, to dive into that. But I just thought that was such a, such a shocking stat.
[00:14:22] And I'm really curious as to why Colorado leads. Leads the pack and smart goblins.
[00:14:30] All right, so my funny for the day.
[00:14:35] Okay.
[00:14:36] I have a couple funnies today.
[00:14:39] One. Another one. It was on my Colorado singles page.
[00:14:45] I don't know that this one is as good as, you know, the guy with the 72 items of which he's looking for in a woman. But thing like in grammar, I, I, I have bad grammar.
[00:14:59] I am not a English major.
[00:15:03] But this guy says, hey, what's up? Thanks for accepting me. I'm. Again, there's no punctuation. Hey, what's up? Thanks for accepting me. I'm single male. I'm 32. Feel free to send a message, abbreviated I'm. No capital I. I'm located in Denver. Please be sure of what you just. Can you just write the word you in at the letter you want in?
[00:15:32] Just n. Looking for. I'm open mind, hate drama. I can pay for a room, drinks or whatnot. Looking for fun. I'm mobile. No trans or gays. I'm straight.
[00:15:48] I'm just so offended in many ways by this, like, person's profile. Like, why would you even put that on the Internet?
[00:15:59] You guys, like, do people fall for this?
[00:16:04] Do. Do women find that attractive?
[00:16:07] Like, I just, I'm like, I'm horrified by it.
[00:16:14] I got a. So I'm on Facebook. Dating now. I got a guy, he's fine looking.
[00:16:21] His message to me says, those curves deserve to be worshiped. Damn right they do. But not how you start a conversation, bro.
[00:16:32] Last one.
[00:16:35] This is, like, kind of sad. This guy.
[00:16:45] This guy. He's. He's looking for someone who doesn't have kids but wants them. I cuss. I wear emotions on my sleeve. I'm also very chivalrous. I'm conservative. I believe in Jesus, but haven't been to church in a long time. I'm not into outdoors. More of a city person, homebody. Looking for a beautiful, intelligent, kind woman. I'm very average. There's nothing spectacular about me.
[00:17:11] Okay. That makes me sad.
[00:17:14] There's nothing like you. Like, as a person, you would say there's nothing spectacular about you.
[00:17:21] I don't know. Like, I don't want to be with somebody that thinks they're just meh. Like, I want to be with somebody that thinks they're amazing. I think I'm amazing. Like, I have my things. Every. Everybody has their things. But, like, to say I'm not spectacular or, like, I'm. I'm meh.
[00:17:40] I don't get it. You guys. Like, you're trying to impress someone, and, like, you don't need to go, like, you know, 72 reason guy, but, like, don't put that in your profile.
[00:17:57] Okay, well, it has been a week.
[00:18:01] Clearly, I'm kind of in a funk.
[00:18:06] Maybe. Maybe I need a new.
[00:18:09] Maybe I need a smut goblin phase. It has been a really long time.
[00:18:17] Maybe that'll change next week. Maybe. Maybe this girl will get some. I don't know. But, like, yeah, I might need that. So I'm gonna encourage you guys, like, go get some. And especially, like, shit, if. If you've been in a relationship and you are now no longer in a relationship, if you've been in a relationship for a long time, do yourself a favor and go enjoy. Like, just enjoy it for a little bit. Don't be jumping right back into something. I know we all want companionship and things like that. I just don't think there's anything wrong with it. So don't let anybody slut shame you. Like, own it and go have a fun time. I don't know. And maybe. Maybe we can get smut goblin trending for us, because I don't know why we're calling it a goblin, though. I don't understand any of this. But you know what? If my Chad GTB called it a thing, I'm going with it. So, anyways, I appreciate you guys. Thank you for listening, and I hope you have a great day.
