Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there. It's Tracy. Welcome to flirting after 40. This last week, I have been pretty sick, so I apologize if I have a coughing fit or. Well, I'll edit that out. But yeah, I haven't been this sick in a long time. It's been like almost a full week of feeling like shit. Yes, I probably should have gone to a doctor.
[00:00:30] I didn't. My son was sick and I just assumed it was what he had, but it kicked my ass.
[00:00:37] And like, I don't know. I mean, it's. I'm. I was very fortunate that I did not have my kids this weekend, so I was able to like, actually rest and recoup and. But it's so hard, I think, as a parent, being sick, as a wife, as a. Anything like a.
[00:01:00] Like you're not allowed to get sick because you. Everything relies like everything is on you to do.
[00:01:10] My, My oldest. I know I try not to talk about my kids a lot, but.
[00:01:18] Because mostly it's not good stories.
[00:01:22] But yesterday my oldest came up stairs and he, like, I was in bed because I've been like, in bed.
[00:01:30] And he brought me a glass of orange juice and yogurt, A bowl of yogurt. And he was in. Mom, you know, I think, you know, orange juice makes. It's got a lot of vitamin C and it'll make you feel better. And yogurt is good for you if you don't feel good. And I was so proud of him. Like, he's going to grow up to be a, a decent man. I'm not sure. I know a lot of men that I've dated that would do that for me.
[00:02:00] Don't get me wrong, there are some. But it restored my hope in our children again. I guess that's what, again, hope does. My week has been really quiet because I have not done anything.
[00:02:18] My, My, My Sam update is. There's not really an update. We're going to have a conversation tomorrow, but zero communication.
[00:02:32] I reached out and kind of just like shut things down because I don't like, I don't like feeling ignored. I don't like, like. I know everybody's communication styles are different, but. But I don't think it's that hard to like a text or to text someone. It takes five to ten seconds out of your day. And if we're having a community, like a, A, A dialogue, maybe a couple minutes, but it doesn't take a long time to have a quick communication or have somebody say, I hope you have a good day, or how was your day? Or when I ask, like, how was your dinner? And he responds, it was good, period. To then have him ask, how was your day? Like, I don't do well with being ignored.
[00:03:28] And so I sent a message this last weekend because I hadn't heard anything, and I was like, I'm. I'm done. Kind of. Like, I'm. I just. I don't know what's happening, but I'm not getting what I need or what I expect. Um, and I know we haven't talked about expectations, but, like, I need more or I. I expected more, and you pursued me.
[00:03:54] And so if you're pursuing me and then you just fucking stop, or in. Or incapable of texting, calling, responding, liking a message, then you're not my person. Like, I. I need. And I. I'm not a needy person, but I need that validation. And I need to feel like you want me and you. You're seeking, you know, conversation with me. It doesn't even have to be a big thing.
[00:04:25] And I texted this. Actually, let me just. I'm gonna tell you guys what I texted because I think it's important. I mean, I'm. I'm trying to live authentically.
[00:04:37] I said, I've reached out to have a conversation, but I didn't hear back. Not sure what your intent was for connecting and telling me, like, me, want me, want me to come, want to come see me, etc. I just can't see how your behavior aligns. It's super bum. It's a super bummer because I was really hopeful and I was there with you, at least to the point of seeing if it could be a thing. Wishing you the best, and I hope you find you're happy, sad I didn't get a chance. And to that text, I got a response of, I just started a new job. My focus has been there. I will come to. To Denver to see you, period. We go on six more days. I don't hear anything. And then I asked, like, I sent another text because I just have to poke the bear. And I said, at some point I'd like a conversation because I really would like to understand what the fuck happened or what the hell. Like, I just. I'm I'm really confused.
[00:05:37] Um, and so we have a conversation set up for tomorrow, so we'll see. But I just. I feel like, like I said last week, if someone wants to make you a priority, they will. And I had this conversation today with a friend. I. I was talking about, you know, like, everything takes work. Everything we do takes effort. And I don't care if they're your best friend for 50 years. It still takes, you have to put an effort.
[00:06:06] And I just don't feel like anything was put in on his part. Like, I feel like almost love bombed and like I had to like really reflect on that, of what that means.
[00:06:19] Like he came guns blazing. Like I didn't even think there was a thing. I just thought he was calling to like kind of reconnect. And then he, he's like, I like you and I. And then I got excited and I got my hopes up and I don't have any more hopes in it. I mean, we'll see where the conversation goes. I'm allowing space for that. But I do feel like men, friends, family, people that are in our lives, that want to be in our lives show up and they make effort, even if it's a quick text. Again, I've been sick and I've had a lot of people reach out and like, can I, you know, bring you buy some store bought soup? Like I'm not making you any shit bitch, because I'm a bad cook. But like I'll bring you soup. I don't know, I mean it matters. It matters to me. Oh, that's the update. So we needed a little bit of like I'm low energy. So we needed a little bit of like good energy.
[00:07:23] Hence the dry humping on a waterbed. So I today was on I think Instagram and I saw this real or I don't know what it's called, a short from someone. And it was this, I don't know, cute, cute younger guy, 20s, talking about how he went on a date and his best friend, she's 50, asked him if he, if they dry humped.
[00:07:54] I thought that was hilarious because like I think, I think dry humping is a very underrated means and methods of connection.
[00:08:09] So this guy on his short or real or whatever was like, he then put it out to the audience, like let me know, like what do you guys think? Is dry humping like a thing? Or is it only when you're like 16, 17, 18, I don't know, however old you were when you were in your parents basement getting it on.
[00:08:30] And I just, I need to find his video again and tag him in this because I love it and, and I'm, I mean I think women in general might really like it.
[00:08:44] Like it's a way to under like kind of gauge someone's like how they respond and how they, I don't know, I think it's fun and I mean I don't know. You guys think back to your high school, early college days, whatever age you were, whenever you started exploring.
[00:09:07] And I mean, I have memories in my parents basement. Okay. And I'm going to paint this picture for you guys. Like, Michigan, a semi finished basement. So it's not like a nicely finished basement. Like, there's drywall on the walls, but the ceiling is exposed. There's no real floor. There's a rug and a couch and a tv. And like. Like it was enough that like, if a tornado came, you could go in the basement and watch to see if the storm was going to hit your house and be okay. But then, you know, when your daughters got older, it was the place that you allowed them to take a boy. And now my parents never allowed me to have a boy in my room. That was always the rule. Like, nope. But I mean, I feel like, okay, just because there's a bed, like, I don't know that I would have done anything differently. So in the basement there's a couch. There's. There was a lot of dry humping going on on that couch. And I'm so happy my parents don't listen to this. But my dad, My dad was always the most creative deflector. Creative influence. I don't even know what it's called, like, so he filled you guys. I don't even know if you remember this. Back in the day, there was band Aid containers made out of metal. Like now our band aid containers are just paper. But back in the day, a band aid container was metal and it had like a, like a lid on it and everything. My dad. Okay, hold on, one more thing. We had clothes shoots. So a lot of people in the Midwest are like, you had a closed shoot. So if you had more than one story in your house, you would throw your clothes down and they would end up in the basement in a pile so that you didn't have to truck them down all the stairs. Which, it's a great idea. So. So. But my dad would fill up the band. The. The metal band Aid container with a bunch of nails and he would drop it down the.
[00:11:15] The clothes hamper. So he would like stand on the second level and drop it and it would just like break open, make a ton of noise and startle the fuck out of you while you're dry humping your boyfriend on the couch just to distract you, to make you think, like, you're being watched. Like, we're on to you. We know, we know your shenanigans, girl. Like, same with like Walking by the basement door and like jiggling the handle. Like it was that same, it was that same mentality. And I, I applaud my parents, I applaud my dad for this tactic because I don't know that I would have been that creative to, to do that.
[00:11:58] And you would immediately, you're. You're dry humping. You'd immediately jump off the person. Like, we're good. Like if somebody's hands are under shirt or something. Nope, all is good.
[00:12:13] And like, so this guy's question was like, you know, are people at the age of 50 still dry humping?
[00:12:21] And I think it's a matter of like where you are in your dating experience. So I mean, maybe, maybe married people are still dry humping. I hope so. Like that would be kind of fun. Like you want to come in the basement city and like make out? I don't know. That would be fun. I think that would be fun. I did have a dry humping. Story of this was probably two years ago. A guy that. There'll be a whole nother story about him. But he, he and I had a really good flirty introduction. However, he was. Has a girlfriend, a live in girlfriend. Not proud of all of this, but he randomly stopped by. Like we hadn't seen each other months. Randomly stopped by and we sit outside and have a beer and start making out.
[00:13:18] And I'm like, I'm not sleeping with you. Like I, I don't sleep with Mary Matt or not. He's not married, but I don't. Like you're in a relationship. Yes, I still dry humped him, but not, this is not my, this, this is his shit. So anyways, but it was so good and you guys, I made him come.
[00:13:40] Like making a 50 year old man come in his pants is kind of powerful without touching him. Like there's power in dry humping.
[00:13:50] I, I'm a, I'm a two thumbs up for dry humping. And the reason I got the name for this podcast was I was in, I was at a work meeting, a very like pseudo professional work meeting. And I had, I had brought my friend from Michigan. She was in town visiting and we had gone to brunch. So this is what you get when you go to brunch and have a couple mimosas and then you take her to a construction meeting. And we, that night we were going to see Brian Adams. I had won a suite to see Brian. Like a suite where I could bring all my friends and go see Bryan Adams. So we're in, we're like, getting ready for the meeting and we're talking and people are like, why is she in town? Like, nice to meet you. And, you know, we're like. I'm like, I have Bryant Adams tickets. Which a lot of the young people don't even fucking know who that is. And. And we're sitting there talking about Brian Adams, and she says to the group, she's like, you know, it just makes me think about dry humping in my water bed.
[00:15:03] It still might be the most classic line that has ever been said in a corporate setting ever in my life. Like, Brian Adams dry humping in my water bed. Like, you guys, if you're my age, you probably have some similar experience to this. I mean, I think Bryan Adams maybe a bit was like my. One of my prom songs or. Absolutely, for sure. Like a homecoming song.
[00:15:30] I'm sure we probably all have dry humped to Brian Adams. I have. Not in a waterbed. But, like, that sounds really fun. And for those who don't even know what the fuck a waterbed is, it's a bed that you filled with water.
[00:15:47] You filled it with water and it was heated and it was all the rage. I mean, like, she was like, she must have been super privileged because, like, I knew one friend that had a water bed, but, like, my parents never would have bought me a water bed nor let me have a boy up in my room to dry hump him on the water. But I encourage. So I encourage everyone tonight, go trump, dry hump your person.
[00:16:13] Let me know. Because I feel like it's nostalgia and I feel like it builds anticipation and it's like, we don't always have to just be having sex. Like, I don't know. I think it's fun. Maybe I'm weird or maybe I'm normal. I don't know.
[00:16:30] Okay, so my funny. My funny today is actually kind of funny. I have two of them and, okay, I am on like Colorado Singles, a couple Colorado Singles pages and. Or Singles Connect or things like that. And this man, you guys, he posted like, hey, I'm here. I'm looking for a nice woman.
[00:17:03] I'm going to actually pull this up because I can't remember everything in my head, but I wrote down some stats from his post. I have like 30 screenshots of it.
[00:17:17] He says a reflective green flag or red flag. Green flag introduction. My phone doesn't have flags, so hearts. Red, yellow, green.
[00:17:27] If you give this post a thumbs up, I assume you like the post. If you give this post a heart, I assume you Wouldn't mind a DM from me.
[00:17:36] So he proceeds and each their. Their paragraphs. I would. I would call them. There are 26 red hearts with 20. So 26 red heart paragraphs, 17 yellow heart paragraphs, and 28 green heart paragraphs about what he is looking for. What he is looking for in a partner. I need a calculator. Let's get a calculator. 26 + 17 + 28. 71 paragraphs about what he wants from a partner. Bro, good luck. Like, I'm just gonna read you guys a couple. In my humble opinion, the first meeting is not a date. It's to see if we vibe and are interested in investing more time and energy towards each other. I prefer to meet for coffee, ice cream drinks, walk in the park or through town, play round of disc golf, meet at a free museum, or any other easing, easygoing idea you may have. Okay, multiply that by 71. I've realized what my boundaries are and they that I need to make them known when appropriate. It's best and respectful to all are involved. Like, this dude has like valid points, but like 71 points and you're trying to get a fucking date? Are you out of your goddamn mind? Even if I become wealthy, I will never own excessively priced things or an obtrusive house. Save money for traveling experiences and giving back great bro politics. Sorry. Politically, I do not identify with any party. In my opinion, the political system in the US Is seriously ill. Blah.
[00:19:21] All right, then he says, if we are considering being partners, I would like you to listen and discuss this podcast episode with me. And he sends a link. Really? Like you're really going to put this all out there? Anyone? Comments? Like, he wants a growth mindset. Through gratitude and curiosity, I find a positive or lesson to be learned in every situation life gives me. I'm a student of life. Reading podcasts, documentaries, experience. I want to learn Spanish. Like, this guy seems like he's a decent human, but, like, why do you need 71 fucking paragraphs to tell me what you're looking for? I feel like most people could summarize what they are looking for in a paragraph or two. Not 71 fucking paragraphs. Okay, and then my other. Funny again, you guys, you can't make this shit up. All right, there's this guy's profile, so there is a 98% chance I don't read your profile. Honestly, why would I spend the time to be. Oh my God, we're a perfect match in my. In my head. And then there's crickets when we match. And after the typical small talk, I will do the social background check and stalk that we all do. If we connect for coffee, brunch, happy hour, or a walk around the park, please understand it's an interview. Be prepared, because I will be. I know my worth, bitch. You know, fucking interviewing me. What you guys like, I get. I get. I get the message. I get the intent here. But, bro, I'm looking for.
[00:20:52] I'm looking for a person. I'm looking for my person. That. That's. That's not an interview. And if you want to interview me, then we're not walking around the park while you do it. You better be buying me beer.
[00:21:05] Oh, my God, you guys, it's. I just. I don't know. It's. It's really hard out there. So keep on keeping on. I am, but I'm. I will say I'm. I'm a little. A lot discouraged by this last week.
[00:21:23] I know it will get better, but we all have those weeks, so thank you guys for listening. Please follow along. Please share this with someone that might get a laugh, might be in the same situation. I know there's a lot of us out there, but thank you all and have a lovely day.
