Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there and welcome back to flirting after 40. This is Tracy and I think today we're going to get political or at least let's talk about human rights.
[00:00:17] I didn't record last week.
[00:00:20] Last week felt like a lot with the state of our world, with Minneapolis with ice, with reports of ICE in Denver, with the president, with basically shutting down free speech, with people being ignorant to what is happening in the world.
[00:00:48] And I just, I needed, I needed a couple days last week where I could not be on my phone.
[00:00:58] Decompress.
[00:01:00] It's a lot these days and, and you know, I'm not even, you know, I don't live in Minneapolis. I'm not dealing with that daily. But there was a report that ICE was across the street from my kids school at a church parking lot.
[00:01:20] Um, not that they were detaining anyone, but their presence was there.
[00:01:27] And trying to talk to your kids about this is really, it's really hard. And, and even trying to talk to adults about it seems really hard, especially those that I know are not aligned necessarily with my political views. But I don't, I don't think at this point it's politics, it's, it's about human rights.
[00:01:52] I saw this blurb.
[00:01:55] Now my whole, I feel like my whole Instagram and everything is all about this, but it says unpopular opinion. But your political views aren't just opinions.
[00:02:05] They're a reflection of your values, your empathy, the way you see other people there.
[00:02:13] They are one of the ways your humanity shows up in the world.
[00:02:17] And I agree.
[00:02:20] It's not about who you voted for.
[00:02:25] It's about what they're doing today. It's about you standing behind people who support this.
[00:02:32] And I've seen a lot of people talk about, you know, I know there was a national day last Friday where businesses shot schools shut, don't work, don't spend money.
[00:02:49] I know Aurora public schools here, they were closed because staff called in and they knew they would be facing large absences.
[00:02:58] And it's about supporting our communities. It's, it's about human decency. It's about supporting humans and anyone who disagrees.
[00:03:12] Like, I don't need listening to this and I don't need really in my life because if my neighbor needed something, I would show up for my neighbor.
[00:03:24] And separating children from their parents and discriminating against people because of their skin color or their accents or their last names is not okay. It's not. And I am not. I don't consider myself a big political person.
[00:03:46] I've never gotten into like, it's just not been a super, like, a passion. I am educated. I follow.
[00:03:57] I follow things. But I know there's a lot of people like to debate certain political functions and things like that, and that just. It's not me. I'm like a keep the peace kind of person.
[00:04:11] But after the last couple weeks, like, I don't. I don't feel that anymore. And, you know, it's. I struggle. So there's this friend I have, and he and I have been friends for years, and I. He's married. Um, he's just a friend, but if he wasn't married, maybe we would have been. Maybe we would date. I don't know. We've got a really good.
[00:04:40] I would say we've got a really strong friendship, really good banter, and we tend to see eye to eye on almost everything.
[00:04:52] However, he voted for Trump, and I'm not saying if you voted for Trump, you're in the wrong here, but I do say if you support what this administration is doing right now, you are.
[00:05:09] So he voted for Trump. And after the election, I remember and I might have shared the story, me and my one friend, she came over and we kind of just sat in my living room and cried and ate pizza and drank wine, and it was because it was not the outcome we had hoped for. But it's also like this world, we deserve better than him. And I believe as a country, we should be united and not tore apart.
[00:05:49] Anyways, so after that, I remember talking to this guy friend I have and asking, you know, did you vote for him? And he was like, yeah.
[00:06:01] And. And I was. And I was like, I don't know if I could be friends with you because he is a dear friend. And clearly I thought at that moment, like, we are not aligned. We don't see the world in the same way.
[00:06:20] And the thing is, is, you know, I think he.
[00:06:26] And this is.
[00:06:27] He voted for him because of a lot of the fiscal reasons of why a Republican Party is controlling. Controlling is. Is better.
[00:06:45] I look at it as humanitarian thing. Like, he even at that time was accused of sexual assault on many counts and seems very flippant towards women and people with a handicap and anyone that is not white and Republican.
[00:07:09] And we got over it. I. I was just like, you know what? Like, we're gonna not let politics ru our. Ruin our friendship.
[00:07:18] And.
[00:07:22] And it's still been a point for me now and then, but I. I don't talk about it.
[00:07:28] So last week I asked him, do you support what's happening in Our world, Minnesota.
[00:07:37] I asked this because I posted, like I'm saying I posted something on Sunday and it's. It's important for me to know. I've had a couple hard days and I genuinely hope you're not a supporter, but I needed to ask, like, I am now checking with someone that I think, like, I don't know what they believe and it's important for me to surround myself with people who believe that this is not okay.
[00:08:04] And if you believe it's okay, I'm probably not the person that wants to hang out with you. And that. And that's okay too. But. And then I also posted like, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to have voted one way and to say it's. This is enough.
[00:08:22] I don't. I no longer support what is happening in our world.
[00:08:26] Like, better late than never. People. Like, it's okay to say, wow, this is super fucked up.
[00:08:35] And his response to me was, I've honestly had no time to pay attention to the news or even have an understanding of what's going on there.
[00:08:45] And that, that kind of hurts my heart. Like, you voted for someone and he's going to listen to this, but you voted for someone and now you don't have the time or attention to give the current world and, and pay attention to what the fuck is happening.
[00:09:12] And, you know, my response was I said, okay. It seems like it's all I can focus on.
[00:09:17] It's all I see and all I can focus on. He says, the only thing I watch on regular TV was football, and I'm done with that now.
[00:09:25] I don't watch TV a lot, you know, I watch my stupid girly shows, but I'm on social media, I'm on a computer. I talk to people, I hear what's happening and, and maybe because I, I want to know what's happening. So I also understand how you could miss some of it. But I feel like it's a pretty prominent thing that is happening in our world these days. And it's just, it made. It made me sad, you know, And I wonder about. I want. Makes me wonder about couples that one person cares more deeply than another person or they have different differences of opinion on this. I don't know how you can have a different difference of opinion on ice.
[00:10:19] Detaining children or taking parents when they dropped off kids from school and shooting innocent civilians by. But like, it made me think how I could never.
[00:10:36] I, like, even if he was single and we were dating, I. That would been a Ground like, I would have. That would have been a deal breaker for me.
[00:10:45] And I, I don't think I ever put as, like so much weight into politics in the state of our country as I am right now.
[00:11:00] And I'm even gonna say with J Man, like, I was saying how heavy last week felt and how I.
[00:11:10] I'm just, like, sick to my stomach about it. And his response was, keep fighting the good fight.
[00:11:17] And even that response made me want to, like, say fuck off.
[00:11:23] Because you know what? I'm tired of fighting the good fight.
[00:11:27] I'm tired of having to worry about our communities, about my last name, about my kids seeing something about fucking Covid, about the next disease that is coming, about all the billion things that I think.
[00:11:49] I'm not saying that men don't face it, but that women face.
[00:11:57] It's exhausting. And keep fighting the good fight.
[00:12:01] Feels like a pat on your back.
[00:12:03] And I don't watch the news. Feels like a fuck you. And I. And I know it's not about me, but I want the men in our world to be as invested.
[00:12:19] I, I worry about, you know, reproduction rights and abortion rights and voting rights, and men don't have to worry about this shit.
[00:12:36] And it makes me exhausted.
[00:12:40] So. So when they're not paying attention or when I get a pat on the back, it infuriates me.
[00:12:48] And I, and I, I see a lot of men out there fighting it too. And so I, I don't. And. And J man is.
[00:12:57] He's totally a fighter. It's just.
[00:13:00] You hear these flippant things sometimes, and it. It just makes me angry.
[00:13:08] Okay, I'm off. I'm off my soapbox and we can jump into J Man.
[00:13:14] He's again, still traveling for work. And I.
[00:13:22] We had a fight the other day, and I do.
[00:13:26] I was talking to my sister and I do realize I bottle up some stuff. I mean, I talk. If something immediately upsets me, I talk about it. But I lay in bed and I think about little things like. And then they fill a bottle, and then I get to the point where I'm going to explode. And that's kind of what happened. I, I felt very unseen, very little, because he's out, he's working, and he has. He loves his job.
[00:14:00] And I do probably need to be a better. I do need to be better about supporting him and his work, but it's truly 90% of what he talks about.
[00:14:13] And every time we would get on to talk while he's been traveling, it was him for most of the Conversation, talking about work and very little of me sharing, like, what's happened in the day or my. My drama, because. And I clearly have plenty.
[00:14:39] And I, like, started shutting down so that when he asked me about my day, I was like, oh, just, you know, doing the same old shit, like, because, like, clearly my day is not important. And you swallow that and you throw it in the bottle and I just exploded. And I exploded because I was having a political conversation with friends.
[00:15:01] And this when I say, like, I'm exhausted as a woman, it's like, it's. It's everything. It's the state of the world.
[00:15:13] It's. I'm a single mom. It's.
[00:15:17] I have a house. I have a mouse in my fucking garage. I have coordinate. I'm coordinating my son's birthday, who. Which is on Thursday.
[00:15:26] I'm coordinating, buying all the gifts because we're gonna go. Me and my ex are gonna go in jointly, but somehow it's still my fucking responsibility to get all the gifts. I'm making a cheesecake. I am gonna decorate. I have to wrap the presents I like now because I took his name. Maybe I don't get to vote because my birth certificate doesn't match my fucking.
[00:15:51] The kids are sick. My ex husband is sick. He needs help.
[00:15:55] My son needs to get to his basketball games. There is.
[00:16:00] And then that's just like a tiny little bit. And so I was fucking pissed because J Man is away at work and his focus is work.
[00:16:14] That's what. That's. That's. And. And I know it's a lot, so I'm not discounting it, but his sole focus for the last two weeks is his job, and that is it.
[00:16:28] And I was like, how fucking nice would that be?
[00:16:32] And this is not fair to him. I understand that. And I'm working through that. But I.
[00:16:40] I sent a text and I was like, I think I could start to resent you for this. Even though he has no control over the chaos and the shit that's in my life, in my world, but his ability to focus on his work, his dog, like his mother and his friends, like, just. It makes me. And. And he did not like I. That I use the word resent because how can I resent something he loves?
[00:17:20] And maybe that makes me a bad person, I don't know. But I, like, I don't know how to.
[00:17:31] And. And again, I go to therapy, but, like, fully cheer somebody on when I feel like I'm drowning.
[00:17:40] And I think that's what I meant by resent.
[00:17:45] So anyways, I told him that I wasn't sure we're compatible.
[00:17:53] And I have this. I have this feeling in my gut that something isn't right, and I don't know what it is. And I've been trying to figure out what it is that something within our relationship is not what it should be. Or maybe he's not my person. I don't know what it is.
[00:18:15] You know, the work thing is definitely a component of it, but I'm like, tracy, he checks all of your chat. He checks all the boxes.
[00:18:26] He's, like, one of the best people I've ever met. He is such a good human, and he shows up for you, and he genuinely cares.
[00:18:38] But, like, is that enough?
[00:18:40] Is, like, what is that feeling inside of me that says something's not right?
[00:18:47] And I've not listened to that feeling before, and I've moved along, and I've regretted that.
[00:18:54] So I'm. I'm working on figuring out what that is or if I embrace it. I embrace it. And I don't necessarily need a reason. But we basically left our conversation with, you know, it's my decision if.
[00:19:13] If this is not what I want, if I'm not okay with this, if there's something in my gut, like, it's up to me to say that I don't want to do it, and I. I don't know what it is. And I feel like a fucking asshole because he's great 90% of the time, let's say, because no one's perfect.
[00:19:42] So that's the update. He comes back into town this weekend, and I'm gonna see him, and I do miss him. But.
[00:19:53] But. There's a but, and I don't know what that but is.
[00:19:57] Oh, I'm sorry, guys. Like, this.
[00:20:01] This.
[00:20:02] This feels like a lot. And I know I'm normally more upbeat, but I do think sometimes our world and our attention requires it not to be and requires a sense of, Like, a. Like, I don't know, like a.
[00:20:30] A sense of giving a damn and fight.
[00:20:37] And even if our fight is just reposting things and our words and how we educate our children.
[00:20:46] But I feel like we are in a big fight, and it's not. It's not gonna end anytime here soon.
[00:20:55] I just. I want to let everyone know that I'm your neighbor. And if something happens or you need something or you need resources or you need shelter or food or safety, I will provide that for you.
[00:21:19] I'm very sad for what is happening in our world right now.
[00:21:26] And then I'm also really proud of what is happening in our world and people taking a stand and people showing up to support each other, and that's what I want to do.
[00:21:37] So thank you guys, as always, for listening, and I really. I really do appreciate everyone, and I.
[00:21:50] I hope in the next couple months that our world gets a little easier and a little bit more manageable.
[00:22:00] But I'm here with you guys to fight.
[00:22:03] All right, talk to you next week.
