Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] So I definitely have a story for you guys. I feel like I don't often, but this one's a doozy.
[00:00:22] So buckle up, it'll be fun.
[00:00:25] Okay, quick update on my date that I had last week.
[00:00:31] It was really good.
[00:00:35] I.
[00:00:37] I realized also that I am, I'm not used to being taken care of and I'm not necessarily comfortable being taken care of.
[00:00:49] It. It's kind of uncomfortable for me.
[00:00:52] So J, man, he, he's like, I have, I'm gonna like, we're gonna get a car, I'm gonna get. Come pick you up. And I made dinner reservations and honestly you guys, like, I don't know that I've had, I think I said this last episode, reservations made for me in, I don't know, 10 plus years. Like, and then he's like, I'm going to send a car. But what he did was he scheduled an Uber to pick him up, which he is closer to downtown where we're going pick him up, come further out of his way, pick me up, drive back by his house to go back downtown. Like it's like. And, and I even like when he was like, I'll send a car, I'm like, I can get my own ride. Because that's just my spirit of being like, I don't know, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know what to do with the someone doting on you. I don't even know what to do with that. Like that almost makes me uncomfortable. Yet it was really sweet and really nice. And so I get in.
[00:02:10] He had, I don't know, a big black SUV and he's all dressed up like he is in a, like a blazer and button up shirt and slacks and like I wore a dress. Like I, I'm not totally like, I don't know. I just like I made a point but it was still not to that point.
[00:02:36] And I kind of was like, whoa, like you're dressed to the nines. And, and his comment was like, it's either like this or like I'm in flip flops and shorts. Which I think probably I'm just more comfortable in the flip flops and shorts kind of vibe.
[00:02:54] I'm just not, I guess I'm just, I'm not used to someone planning things and someone look like, I don't know, it just, it was, it's. It's a new world for me.
[00:03:09] And, and so like he had planned like we're Going to drinks at this restaurant. Like, this. A restaurant first. And we sat at the bar and had drinks, and it was super nice. And then we went to where we were having dinner. We walked over to where we're having dinner and had a drink at the bar first, and then sat down for dinner. And I don't know. It was like, I felt very taken care of. And I kind of think I pride myself on not wanting or needing someone to take care of me, but I have to tell you, it was kind of nice. And it wasn't in a condescending way or like, I have to take care of this woman. It was in a sincere like. Like, this is what I want to do for someone that I'm interested in way.
[00:04:07] Which.
[00:04:08] Yeah, it was.
[00:04:10] It was kind of fascinating, you know, and conversation was super good.
[00:04:20] The one thing that kind of struck a nerve with me and that I'm like, there's something inside of me that is not like. Like that I don't feel like is aligned. And I. I'm trying to figure out if it's just because I'm new to this dynamic or, like, what it is and what I think it might be like. We were talking about how we view the world, and he is very much.
[00:04:58] I felt like he was very much a skeptic cynic.
[00:05:04] And I asked him. I'm like, how do you see the world? Or how do you approach the world? Because you seem very cynical. Do you agree that you're like, that? He was like, 100%.
[00:05:15] I am very cynical, 100%. I'm like, I am not. Like, I am not that person.
[00:05:24] And somehow the conversation evolved to where he was like. Like, I'm like, I just. Like, I walk into any situation. I see people as, like, amazing humans. Like, I see the good in people 100% of the time.
[00:05:44] Unless, like, there's. Unless you give me a reason to not. And he's like, I walk into the same situation, and I don't.
[00:05:51] I don't see. Like, I see. I have skepticism, and I don't see that.
[00:05:56] And his job has. He's like. It's just kind of, like, brought to my attention that people are not inherently good.
[00:06:05] And I'm like, that's so. So fascinating because I feel like people are inherently good, and he is on the opposite side of that. And I am such. Like, I'm not gonna say I'm a.
[00:06:19] Like, I. I don't believe. Like, I.
[00:06:21] I'm trying to. Like, how do. How do you articulate this? Like, I believe, though, that people are good unless they give me a reason to believe that they're not.
[00:06:29] And. And I'm not naive. I don't believe that everyone is good. But I try to look at the world in this way that people are.
[00:06:41] Like, they are good and they mean good. And, like, if somebody fucks up, it's like, I will still give them the benefit of the doubt. And maybe that's a downfall for me. I don't know. But I think seeing the world and seeing people as good and kind is better.
[00:07:04] I know I'm judging better than not.
[00:07:09] And then based on, like, that conversation and him poo pooing on my business idea, like, I'm not sure.
[00:07:17] Like, I'm just not sure we're aligned in, like, how we see life and how we see the world and how we want to take on the world, which is kind of a big thing. But that's kind of deep for a second date. Like, that's.
[00:07:37] That's a lot.
[00:07:39] But I'm also not known. Like, I'm known for not wasting time. Like, I don't.
[00:07:45] Like, I want to know who you are, like, in your being and if you're not my person or not a person that I want to be with. Like, I want to know that fast because I don't want to waste my time and that. And. And so anyways, like, that conversation happened, and. But then I had mentioned in a text that I like arcades, and I genuinely do. Like, I. I think it's fun.
[00:08:13] And so we finished dinner. He's like, come on, I got another. We got another place to go. I'm like, where are we going? He's like, I'm not telling you.
[00:08:20] And he calls an Uber.
[00:08:22] And we arrive at Dave and Buster's, 11:30 at night on a Saturday night at Dave and Buster's. It's kind of sketchy, but he buys a card, we get some drinks, and we go shoot some hoops and play some skeeball and truly, like, air hockey and just, like, walked around and we were by far the oldest people there.
[00:08:46] And he's in a suit and I'm in a dress. Like. Like these. I don't know, these kids are like. Anyways, it was.
[00:08:55] It was actually, like, it was super fun.
[00:08:58] And we sit on this, like, little ledge, like, okay, we're done. Like, this is, like, too much, and calls it over. And we're sitting in this little ledge, and he kisses me. And it's just a nice. A nice kiss without, like, this pressure of come home with me. Without this like, pressure of sex or anything. Like, and I'm. I'm also not used to that. Like, I'm not used to building chemistry with someone without the physical component.
[00:09:35] So this is like, it is new territory for me and I'm not necessarily sure what to do with it. So anyways, go back to his place. Nothing happens. I meet his dog, she's lovely.
[00:09:49] And I get an Uber home. But like a really good date.
[00:09:56] But during the date, this is where things get juicy and, and I haven't shared this with you guys, so we're backing up like 10 steps now.
[00:10:09] Story of the day. So I told you guys that my ex husband is dating someone anyways, and he had told me during our conversation about who he's dating, that she was younger than me, that her parents owned a bunch of businesses. She came from money.
[00:10:33] While I was in Michigan, my family was asking about him and my son.
[00:10:38] Like, I was like, what is her name? And he, he told us her name. So I knew her name. That she's younger than me and her family comes from money. Like, that's. This is what I know about the, the woman that my ex has dated. I don't need to know more. It's great.
[00:10:54] So I'm at, We're having, I'm having drinks with J Man on our date and he asks like, he's like, ah, I feel like you've been dating for a while. Like, you probably have some really great dating stories. I'm like, oh, bro. Like, yes.
[00:11:10] And he doesn't know about the podcast. I'm like, yes, I have, I have stories.
[00:11:17] And y' all haven't even heard them all. So it's like, yes, I have stories.
[00:11:21] And he's like, I, I, like, I want to hear, like. And I'm like, oh, this is not a, this is like a, this is like a four month conversation. Like, not a first, second date. Like, anyways, I, I was like, why don't you start and you tell me the worst date you've been on. He's like, okay.
[00:11:44] And so he's telling me this story. He meets this woman online and they're like bar hopping and you know, it's like a casual thing and having fun. And they go back to his place and they're hooking up, etc, and I'm not, It's not my story to tell, so I'm not gonna tell the story.
[00:12:02] But at the end of the evening, her parents show up at his house and I guess she had told him, like, my parents have been calling Me, they're worried about me, but I haven't called them back and they're protective and etc. Etc. Well, anyways, the parents. Parent apparently took it upon themselves to show up at his house any. And between everything that happened and that, he was like, it was just like a cluster. Like, what the actual. And I'm like, oh my God. Like, yeah, no, that's like a.
[00:12:42] That's like a genuinely like, bad date.
[00:12:45] And he proceeds to tell me that like, her. Her parents come from money. They own all these businesses and stuff. And so they kind of came in with this like, pomp and circumstance and like, it. It was a thing.
[00:13:00] And by the businesses he told me they owned, I was like, oh my God.
[00:13:10] And I'm like, holy shit. Like, ple. Like, Tracy, don't ask this question. Don't ask this question, but ask the question. And I'm like, what is her name?
[00:13:19] And he tells me her name, and it is the same name as the woman that my ex is dating.
[00:13:27] And they own businesses. He told me they own businesses. I'm like.
[00:13:32] And I like, I like, lean back.
[00:13:36] Like, I like, literally, like, physically lean back in my chair. And I was like, fuck.
[00:13:41] And I'm like, my ex is dating a woman by the same name and the same description of her family. And he's like, no way. Like, no way. And I'm like, there's no. And I'm like, there's no way. Like this. There's no way you've dated.
[00:14:01] Dated. I don't like the same person that my ex husband is now dating and we're on a date. Like, what are the odds?
[00:14:13] Like, truly.
[00:14:16] And she's younger. Like.
[00:14:19] And he asked me this question. He's like, physically, does she look like blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I don't know what she looks like. I've never seen the lady. Like, I'm.
[00:14:28] And so I'm like, like.
[00:14:30] And. And he's now telling me, like, she's kind of crazy. Whatever. He's. He's telling me things.
[00:14:38] So I, I text my ex and I'm like, hey, hey. I'm on a date with this guy who dated a woman named blah blah, blah, who has a family that does blah blah, blah, and her last name is blah blah, blah. Like, is this who you are dating? He's like, he immediately responds. He's like, yeah, that's her.
[00:15:08] Who, like, who you with? Like, what's. What's happening? I'm like, I'm like, okay. Like, I was just like putting Pieces together.
[00:15:19] And he's like, what is his name? So I give him his name, and he's just like, I don't like, my. My ex was like, I don't like this. I'm like, yeah, no, no, I don't think anybody likes this. Like, this is weird. And. And then his last text to me was just like, wow.
[00:15:34] So, you know, I share that with J. Man, and we sit down for dinner, and he's like, you know, she's just manipulative. Manipulative and not, like, not someone that you probably want around your children. And I'm. I'm dialing down the. The. The conversation. But, like, when someone tells you also, like, this is not a person you would want your kids around. Like, you. I'm just heightened. Like, and, like, what do you. Like, it's not my business.
[00:16:09] Like, what do you share with your ex, anyways?
[00:16:16] What in the actual fuck.
[00:16:19] Like, it makes my brain hurt, and I'm like, how in the.
[00:16:28] Does this happen to me? Like, this kind of stuff is, like, I am not surprised in any way that, like, I am the triangle of the world of, like, the people. People. Like.
[00:16:42] Like, oh, my God.
[00:16:46] So I think.
[00:16:48] And. And I just. I, like, didn't push and didn't ask questions, and I let him speak. And it clearly sounds like they dated far more than just the first bad date. His first wor. Like, you have the worst date, and then you continue to see somebody. Like, I don't understand that either.
[00:17:07] But, like, he knows her dog's name, where she lives. Like, they, like, clearly kept in contact. And I did ask. I was like, when was the last time you saw her? And it was. Or talked to her, and it was, like, about a year ago. And, like, it's just such a fucking small world.
[00:17:24] Ick.
[00:17:26] I don't even. Like. So the date was good.
[00:17:31] The. I don't like, I.
[00:17:34] And this is by. Go to therapy. But, like, I don't know what to do with all this, and my ex has not, like, asked me about anything. And it's. It's not my.
[00:17:48] It's not my position, my role to inform him, nor is it my story. But, like, if I guess this. The kids meet her. I. Or want to. I don't know if he wants to introduce her to the kids. Like, I should probably say something, but, like, I don't know that I'm even gonna know about it.
[00:18:06] It's a lot.
[00:18:09] So, yeah, just mind and mind blown, y'. All. Like, it's.
[00:18:17] It.
[00:18:18] It's a lot.
[00:18:21] Okay. I Feel like that should be my funny. I mean, like, that's kind of funny.
[00:18:29] Again, I don't have a lot of funnies because my friend has taken over my matchmaking. But I'm also on a lot of pages where we share information about, like, just the absurdities that come out of men.
[00:18:43] This. This one guy, he was, like, talking about seeking the love of his life. And if you're serious, contact me, et cetera, et cetera. And then the first message he sends is, I like feet.
[00:19:02] Like, that might have gotten me because I really, like, want so much. Like, my feet and rub my feet. But, like, that is not an opening line that women like when you say you're looking for a serious relationship or like, yeah, I'm in, bro. Like, what the actual fuck.
[00:19:24] This other guy I saw, he.
[00:19:28] He's like. He's. He's 42.
[00:19:34] He says he doesn't don't drink, smoke. He works out daily. No mental illness or cancer in the family.
[00:19:42] Never cheated once married. Like, what. Why do you feel the need to say there's. Well, like. And, like, how do you know there's no mental illness or cancer in your. Like, maybe you know, there's no cancer in your family, but, like, mental illness is not something that, like, you should ever shame anybody about. And I'm like, why in the.
[00:20:04] Are you saying that? Like, on your dd, like, on your description would like to find a wife who wants to homestead, but with WI Fi and Walmart occasionally, and have lots of babies.
[00:20:20] Okay, what is with the Homestead people all of a sudden? Number one number, I don't know what number we're on, but, like, oh, it just, like, it feels. That feels to me like you're some kind of fucking saint or goddess that some woman should, like, be so privy to be a part of your world because your family genes are good. So then you should have lots of babies. Like, what the fuck are people thinking? I don't know. Maybe that works for somebody. And, like, there was responses on this post where women were like, oh, my God. Like, I just. It is not for me.
[00:21:06] Like, I don't want your good genes or whatever. I don't. Like.
[00:21:13] And, like, homestead feels to me like, maybe this is a real thing, but this is a new thing in my world in Colorado. Like, homestead feels to me like, I'm gonna make you my bride and you will little prairie on the farm, like, cook me my dinner and open your legs, and I'm just gonna, like, you will be mine.
[00:21:36] And I know. I know that is probably not what is happening, but by this gentleman, this man's description of, like, himself and what he's looking for, that just, like, that's what it feels like.
[00:21:52] Like, ladies don't, like, ask more questions. Don't fall for that shit. I don't know. Not funny. Funny, funny. I like feet.
[00:22:01] I like feet. That's funny.
[00:22:04] Homestead.
[00:22:05] I have no mental illness or cancer in my family.
[00:22:09] So thank you for listening to my shit show today.
[00:22:17] And you guys, like, again, I can't make this up. Like, my brain doesn't even have the capacity for it, nor does my brain have the capacity to deal with the things that I'm dealing with. So, anyways, I appreciate you guys.
[00:22:35] Puck, wish me luck.
[00:22:39] Thanks. Have a great.
[00:22:40] Have a great weekend.
