Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there and welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:08] I would like to kick things off and say that this is my 53rd episode.
[00:00:15] That means I launched and not within a whole year, but a whole year. Every week of content. A week of 50, whatever that means. 52 weeks of content.
[00:00:25] And I thought this would be a great time seeing as this is episode 53.
[00:00:32] Just start season two and start a new chapter.
[00:00:37] I.
[00:00:39] When I started this podcast, I.
[00:00:43] And I still don't know what I'm doing, but I was really looking to share my story is with people.
[00:00:56] I was and still am genuinely looking for love or I should say maybe my person. Because I found love.
[00:01:12] And I still am. I'm still doing it for those reasons. To share with y', all, like, my perspective, my stories, my success, my failures.
[00:01:26] Be vulnerable.
[00:01:28] Try to show others to be vulnerable.
[00:01:31] To show what being single in your 40s looks like.
[00:01:36] To show what, like getting back to me feels like.
[00:01:41] And it's definitely not a straight line.
[00:01:46] And my relationship with J Man has taught me that.
[00:01:52] So I called things off this week with him and it, it was, it's really hard because he is genuinely like, if you had a, you know, a list of traits you're looking for in a partner, he checks most of them off.
[00:02:18] He is so kind and he is so like this, like, in control of himself, you know, like, he.
[00:02:35] Maybe that's part of what I, which, what I didn't like, I don't know. But you know, he doesn't fight. He's very understanding. He wants to talk things out. He's very adult in that manner.
[00:02:46] I am not as much.
[00:02:49] I, I want a little, a little passion there.
[00:02:56] I don't need anger, but I want somebody that is going to fight with me for me.
[00:03:10] So, you know, we took the trip to Costa Rica and then shortly after, a few days after he went away for work. And between those two trips, I, I realized that we're not compatible. I need more out of my partner.
[00:03:34] I, I think I require someone that makes me feel chosen and very special every single day. And I'm not saying that J Man didn't, but there were very many times when he didn't.
[00:03:56] And that doesn't mean he's not a good person.
[00:04:02] I just require or expect a different level of intimacy, a different level of connection than we had.
[00:04:15] And I am terrible at telling, trying to tell him that I am.
[00:04:20] It would have been easier, which is such a fucking cop out to have a big fight and just end there.
[00:04:30] We didn't. I mean, I. I shared things that I was not okay with, things that bothered me in our relationship. And he listened at like. And he had told me, you know, if you don't think we're compatible, you just need to say it.
[00:04:56] And during our conversation, I think he was just kept kind of pushing me to. That there was no. There was no real defending himself or his actions or even saying he wants it to be different.
[00:05:21] And maybe that's what an adult relationships look like. I don't. I don't know. But.
[00:05:27] And, And I know when you don't think someone's compatible like you.
[00:05:31] Are you going to be able to change their mind? No, probably not. But I would have liked.
[00:05:37] I would have liked him to try.
[00:05:42] And maybe he thought he tried, but I had this feeling, this feeling in my gut that things were not right, that he was not my person and makes me sad because I love him and he is a. He is a great, great guy. But if you're not going to listen to your gut and you're not going to listen to yourself, like, I'm going to end up back in a situation where I'm not happy.
[00:06:27] And, And I started this podcast by talking about being married and having this feeling in my gut before I got married that I shouldn't marry that person.
[00:06:39] And.
[00:06:41] And I was young and scared.
[00:06:48] I'm not young anymore, and I'm not scared anymore.
[00:06:51] And so when that feeling shows up, I have to listen to it.
[00:07:00] I have to listen to it even though I love him. I have to listen to it even though I think he's one of the best people I've ever met. I have to listen to it even though I so badly would love to be in a relationship.
[00:07:14] I have to listen to it.
[00:07:16] And so I. I told him we are not compatible.
[00:07:23] And the thing he said next took me by surprise. He said, I've just been waiting for you to say that.
[00:07:31] It feels kind of like.
[00:07:37] Like being tricked. I don't know. I don't. And maybe I should. Don't have the right to feel like that.
[00:07:44] Maybe he was just waiting for me to be brave enough to say it. I don't know. Maybe he knew it. Maybe he knew before I knew it. I don't even know. But I don't. I don't like that I told you so kind of feeling.
[00:08:00] But it doesn't really matter because we're no longer together.
[00:08:06] So he is entitled to convey his feelings the way he needs to. And I am as well. And so I am.
[00:08:19] Yeah, we are no longer dating. And, yeah, so hence also the kind of this feeling that it's a new chapter.
[00:08:32] And maybe this second season of flirting after 40 is really me coming back to myself and figuring out again the joy that I bring to my life alone.
[00:08:56] And I know I'd said on a previous podcast, like, I do. I do like being alone. And so being back in a relationship challenged that a little bit.
[00:09:10] And, you know, you can't have it all. The grass isn't always greener. But I. I look forward, you know, now to the time of kind of coming back into me so I could. I've been known to wallow.
[00:09:29] Breakups are hard for me.
[00:09:35] I kind of seclude myself, and I'm sad and wallow, and I'm trying not to do that, and I'm trying to do things that I enjoy that bring me joy.
[00:09:58] And I'm not talking about dating or anything like that, but, like, instead of sitting in my house and drinking a bottle of wine and watching bad tv, I. The day after this happened, I was like, what do I.
[00:10:15] What do I like to do? What do I want to do?
[00:10:19] This. This is not big. I went to the bookstore, and I bought. I wanted to buy cookbooks. I love. I love cookbooks. Even though I probably only cook two recipes out of a whole cookbook, I. I love reading recipes. It sounds so dorky, and I love.
[00:10:37] I love trying new recipes.
[00:10:40] Now. Now I'm sad because now I'm not gonna have anybody to eat the food that I'm trying to make because my kids probably will refuse. But I was like, I'm gonna go to the bookstore, look at cookbooks.
[00:10:51] I also found a book there that I'm really excited to read, and I'll tell you guys about it, but it looks like it's kind of a period book where it references a lot of art history, but in a novel. So I will let you guys know how that goes. But I'm excited. I'm excited about a new book.
[00:11:17] So this is 40.
[00:11:21] So I went to the bookstore, and then I went to Trader Joe's and bought flowers, because I love flowers. I love their flowers.
[00:11:29] And I was like, you know, you need. You need a little brightness in your. In your. Your house and in. In your life.
[00:11:36] And that's it. Like, that's all I did, but it. It got me out of the house.
[00:11:45] Oh. I also worked out. I haven't worked out in forever.
[00:11:48] And, like, why. It's not like I didn't have time. It's not like my relationship was prohibiting me from working out. I was just.
[00:11:58] I don't know, maybe I used it as an excuse. I don't know. Whatever it is, I worked out.
[00:12:04] So, again, not a big thing, but something I chose. Something that made me feel like me and made me feel good and happy.
[00:12:21] Am I excited for this new chapter? No, I'm not really.
[00:12:32] I really was. I was really hoping that I had found somebody to share my life with, that I had, that we were compatible and that we were a good fit because we went to Aspen, we went to Vegas, and we had so much fun. So much fun.
[00:12:54] And it's hard for me to think about that and then where we ended and how that happened.
[00:13:06] Maybe that feeling in my gut was always there and I just, you know, recognized it. I. I don't know.
[00:13:16] But it's. It is hard to wrap your head around how four months ago is so different than the last three weeks or four weeks.
[00:13:28] I mean, we had fun in Costa Rica, but I feel. I feel like something changed.
[00:13:39] So I am not intending like. I have no desire to date.
[00:13:45] I have no desire to get back on the horse and get out there.
[00:13:50] So I'm gonna focus on me. I. You know, I'll probably get on some apps at some point, but at least take a little breather, a little time to heal.
[00:14:06] And I'm not gonna let my friend set me up again.
[00:14:11] I'm not gonna let her take over my dating profile.
[00:14:14] It was a good experiment, but probably take back some control there.
[00:14:20] And I.
[00:14:21] I wish nothing but all the happiness to J. Man. And it's.
[00:14:27] I'm just. I'm sad, but at. At the end, like, I know it's the right thing, and.
[00:14:39] And just because I'm sad and just because it's hard doesn't mean I shouldn't have done it.
[00:14:48] And, yeah, I'm gonna miss him. And I think the thing that I.
[00:14:54] This is so stupid, but the thing that I'm, like, the saddest about is like, our dogs were super good friends and our. And Freddy, my dog, won't.
[00:15:09] He won't get to see Jamie Ann's dog. And that's. So.
[00:15:16] That's what makes me sad.
[00:15:19] But I don't know, I feel like he and I could be friends at some point. And after the hurts and some healing that I do think we could be friends because just because I don't think we're compatible in a relationship doesn't mean we're not compatible as friends. And I don't know, maybe our dogs can still hang sometimes, but.
[00:15:52] So please Join me on episode two or season two episode. Well it will be episode two next time. But season two we where you know, we're starting over again.
[00:16:06] But we're starting from a place with more knowledge, more self awareness.
[00:16:14] I've learned a lot. I am very imperfect and have very high expectations that I need to be better at lying out and explaining.
[00:16:33] So cheers I suppose to the next chapter in season two.
[00:16:44] I don't have a lot of funnies you guys. I really gotta get back on this but I thought I saw one thing.
[00:16:51] I was going out to lunch this week and there was a like a board in front of the restaurant and it said ordering shots on the first date, Red flag or green flag and you could place your vote.
[00:17:07] And I immediately was like red flag.
[00:17:12] Like save the shots for, I don't know, some other time. But I don't know. The person I was with was like, well if it's a really great date and it's after two hours and whatever, you're hitting it off, hey, do some shots. Well, I don't do shots anyways. But I was like so like, like green flag. I just, I mean maybe if we're 21 or 25, but as 45, I'm like, no. If somebody ordered shots on a first date I would, I would be out.
[00:17:41] Okay. And then my other funny. Let me pull this up for you guys was this again this singles group in Denver, which I hope I'm never, I never put my face on but this, this guy says just seeing what's out there. Preferably a 9 or 10 who loves Volvo and another brand of car, Japanese car that I can't pronounce. Would look at him next to me on a winning race podium, a smoke show if it came to that and is understanding and gets along with other women.
[00:18:18] I feel like that's a, that's a subtle. I like to flirt with everybody and I probably have a side piece. But don't get jealous.
[00:18:25] I want it all, the full package or nothing at all. I'm very specific.
[00:18:30] I'm not in a rush. I want to treat this as an opportunity, not commitment. Think of a Mercedes, think of a Mercer. Think of a Mercedes Benz. Lease return. If I like it, I'll keep it. If I don't and it gives me trouble, I'll return it when the lease is up.
[00:18:46] Only difference is that I don't want to commit to 36 months or whatever. I'm a picky dater. I'm like a kid who picks.
[00:18:57] I'm like a kid who picks at his vegetables, except with dating. And I only eat the healthy food.
[00:19:03] Like, what the. What? I feel like there's so much wrong with this profile. But, Like, one of the comments was like, are you really, like, comparing dating to leasing a vehicle? Like, you're leasing a girl just to drive it, Try it out.
[00:19:24] And then, you know, I'm done. I mean, I guess that's what dating is, so I don't know that you need to, but I. It does. It all feels icky and a nine or ten. And this guy, honestly, in this picture, I mean, who am I to judge? There might be somebody for him, but he's definitely not a 9 or 10.
[00:19:46] High, high expectations.
[00:19:49] I mean, maybe that's. Maybe that. Maybe I should take that. Take away. Take that. I don't know. I just felt like a gross, gross profile, so.
[00:20:01] Oh, you guys, I'm back.
[00:20:05] A friend did say, well, this breakup is good for your podcast, and she's probably right because I will have a lot more content. But that is not.
[00:20:17] That is not where I hope he would hoped we would be ending up.
[00:20:22] So here we go.
[00:20:25] Season two.
[00:20:29] Yeah. Focusing on.
[00:20:31] On me and getting back to me, and I guess we'll see where. Where the future takes us.
[00:20:39] Thank you guys for listening, as always.
[00:20:44] Yeah, I really appreciate the love, and I will talk to y' all next week.
