Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hey there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:11] It's been a week.
[00:00:14] It's fascinating when you think of how much can happen in one week.
[00:00:21] And, you know, my weeks aren't very exciting, but between launching the last episode and now, I feel like a lot has happened.
[00:00:36] So I, I told you guys last week that Ta Da Season two, and, and I posted it on social media and all that jazz, and Tyler definitely got some feedback and some new listeners and people that were like, oh, yeah, I picked back up re listening to the podcast and I was. I received a message from an old colleague and it got me thinking. Like, he and I were like, really? I feel like good friends.
[00:01:13] And he reached out just with, like, he's like, I'm just.
[00:01:18] I'm proud of you for doing this. And I think it's really cool that you can share feelings about love and sex with the world and just kind of like, Like, I think he is a little shocked by it, which I get.
[00:01:42] But I think back to when I met him, and I was probably 28 to 30, so I don't know, 15 years ago, at least.
[00:02:00] And how you change so much in those years. Like, me saying that this week has felt like there's been a lot in a week. So you multiply that by, you know, 52 and it's a year. Like, how much change and how much we continue to evolve daily.
[00:02:21] And like, we think in our head, like, I like, nothing's changing, nothing's moving, nothing's happening, but it is.
[00:02:29] And to be able to step back and look, you know, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, five years ago, one year ago, and see, like, if you journal or do anything like that, see where you were, see what your thoughts were at that moment.
[00:02:49] I think, you know, we don't give ourselves enough credit of the forward progress or the moves we've made or the healing that we've done or the, the change we have implemented. Like, I don't.
[00:03:06] I don't think we give ourselves that credit because it. It doesn't feel measurable. The daily doesn't feel measurable. You can't see success daily. It's. You have to really look back and be like, wow, God, my life was really different a year ago, and I'm doing this so much better. I mean, I don't care if it's working out or eating right or relationships or friendships or work.
[00:03:37] I think if you are on a mission to continually improve yourself, you really have to have the ability to look back holistically.
[00:03:48] So I think the podcast has helped me with that.
[00:03:52] And I hope you guys look back and see all that you've accomplished because it is really hard on a daily check in to, to see it.
[00:04:09] So I'm going to continue to focus back to me regardless of my relationship situation because what I have also figured out is I, I tend to lose myself in people, in relationships, friendships, romantic relationships. I like my kids stuff. If there's something big going on, work, I can lose myself in work too. Like I, I need to keep focus on myself, my wellbeing, what I would like to do, my personal growth.
[00:04:59] Because regardless of if I'm in a relationship or not, I deserve that.
[00:05:08] And no other person, no other friend, no other relationship can give that to me.
[00:05:17] And what I think of that being is I need a creative outlet. I need something that I'm doing constantly that inspires me and gets me excited.
[00:05:34] I've also talked about travel.
[00:05:37] I really want, I feel like Costa Rica was just not my trip.
[00:05:43] I really want to book a trip by myself again. I don't care if I'm with someone because I was with someone and it was a. Not a great trip.
[00:05:53] Um, and I know if I go by myself, I know what to expect.
[00:06:01] And even if the trip is bad, I, I know I'm gonna have a good time because I like traveling by myself.
[00:06:14] So I'm, I'm going to orient this podcast to be more, you know, about how do we empower ourselves to be better, how do we come back to ourselves? And regardless of whatever relationship we're in or whatever is happening with our kids or our lives or our work or everything that you find a way and I find a way to be true to ourselves and fill our own buckets and not rely on other people to fill our buckets.
[00:06:53] So that will take me to the relationship update. So I told you guys like I split up with J Man.
[00:07:08] He listened to, to the podcast. He hasn't been listening, I don't believe. And listened to the podcast and sent me a text last week, last Thursday after the podcast launched and I had not heard from him and I had not reached out to him and I really had written it off.
[00:07:34] He.
[00:07:36] He wanted through, through some text conversation.
[00:07:40] He wanted to come over, have a conversation with me.
[00:07:44] I felt like he had kind of preemptive, like he had determined for me like that he knew I was going to end it and he thought I was going to end it. And anyways, it got a little muddy so he came over and we talked and he Wants.
[00:08:11] He wants. And I want to, but he wants an opportunity to try again. And I'm not saying that I don't. I do. I am a little guarded. A lot guarded. Guarded.
[00:08:28] He seems like more enthusiastic about.
[00:08:33] Was nice to hear him agree with the fact that our trip to Costa Rica was not good, because I thought I was just making it up. And he was like, yeah, no, it wasn't that. It really wasn't good.
[00:08:54] I'm still dealing with feelings of, like, he listened to the podcast because he wanted something from it or he wanted to understand me better and it gave him insight into what I was thinking, and I guess that's good.
[00:09:21] But, you know, not everybody has podcasts and not everybody airs their diary out loud.
[00:09:30] And had I not had it or had he not listened, would anything be different? Probably not.
[00:09:40] I just.
[00:09:44] I want.
[00:09:46] I want him to be able to be my person, and I want him to.
[00:09:56] To fill that role.
[00:09:58] But I. I am not. Like, I feel like I don't hold grudges, but I talked last week about that feeling that I had about that feeling in your gut, like something's not right.
[00:10:16] I feel like the feeling has subsided, but it has not gone.
[00:10:22] And it's. It's funny. My.
[00:10:29] Happy Valentine's Day. People hate Valentine's Day.
[00:10:35] My son, the oldest son, he got a. This is a part of my funny. So I won't. I won't ruin it all for you yet, but he got a card from his girlfriend, and I didn't read it, but the. The COVID of the card was, you're my person.
[00:10:55] And what does that mean, you're my person? Like, I want a person.
[00:11:03] I want Jamie Ann to be my person, but I.
[00:11:09] I don't know that he is.
[00:11:12] And how. How do you determine that? And do you need that?
[00:11:16] What if we're our. Our own?
[00:11:18] Like, I don't know. What if we're our own people? Like, I'm my own person. I make myself happy.
[00:11:23] Do we need a person to make us happy?
[00:11:29] But I still chase that.
[00:11:32] I chase that idea that there's somebody out there that is my person that wants to know all this shit about me, that wants to know my experience of living in San Francisco, that wants to know my family experience, that wants to know what I want to do when I get old. And I want somebody that wants to do all the things with me, and I want somebody that fights for me, and I want somebody that loves me desperately.
[00:12:07] And I. I might be fucking insane.
[00:12:13] I think I'm kind of insane because how can you want this full life with yourself and then expect a full life with somebody else? I don't, I don't even. I don't know if this exists.
[00:12:28] So I saw that card from her to my son, and I just, I don't know that J Man is my person.
[00:12:40] Um, I do feel like, I mean, he is such a good human. And I feel like I ended things because I felt like I was up against a wall.
[00:12:57] But I also know there's a lot of truth to what happened.
[00:13:05] And I also trust my gut that it didn't feel right.
[00:13:10] So we're giving it another try.
[00:13:17] Cautiously, but, but, like, we'll see. Like, when we were in Costa Rica, he had invited me to Nashville this coming weekend with his friends to see a concert.
[00:13:34] And at the time in Costa Rica, I was like, yeah, like, sure, that sounds great. I don't have my kids. Perfect.
[00:13:42] But then I got home, I looked at my calendar. My son plays basketball, and if they were in the playoffs, it would be this weekend.
[00:13:51] So I told him, like, hey, I don't, I don't know if I can go.
[00:13:55] Count me out, because I'm not going to miss my son's playoff basketball game.
[00:14:00] Anyways, they lost last week by one point. My heart was broken for them.
[00:14:06] Amazing game. But I.
[00:14:10] He was like, if, if they don't make the playoffs, you should come.
[00:14:13] But I don't want to go.
[00:14:16] And I don't know what that tells us, but I don't want to go and I'm not going to go.
[00:14:26] I don't know if it's my hesitation about traveling with him after our last trip, if it's too much too soon, if it's.
[00:14:35] I really, really just like my time by myself.
[00:14:40] So I don't want to go, but I'm not going.
[00:14:43] And I also don't know what that means.
[00:14:46] So.
[00:14:50] Welcome to dating after 40. Welcome to Dating in general. I feel like the breakup get back together thing is just so. It just happens. But I, I really was like, I really was done.
[00:15:05] And I really do believe that he wants to.
[00:15:12] He wants us to work and is going to try to address my concerns.
[00:15:23] We shall see. We. We've seen how fast a week goes. So in another week, I have no ide.
[00:15:38] So it was funny. I.
[00:15:41] While I was, I had split with J Man. I, I, I talked to my kids about my relationships and not, not a lot, but my kids know I'm dating, my kids know. My kids have met people I'm dating. My kids have met J Man.
[00:15:59] Um, My little one is always like, ooh, do you have a boyfriend?
[00:16:06] Or ooh, I saw you kiss him on his head. You must like him.
[00:16:10] Like, this is like, we're very pg, so don't like.
[00:16:15] Anyways, but the me this like amazing thing happened.
[00:16:22] So my oldest son, we were driving to basketball and I had told him a little bit because he had said like him and his girlfriend were fighting and it was a little rocky. He had told me this before and I said, you know, bad, like you're young, number one. But like relationships are not always good and arguments happen and like how you deal with it matters and, but also if you're not happy, you don't have to stay in a relationship. Like you're like, again, like you, you need to evaluate your life and what you're like, what decisions you want to make. So I was driving into a basketball and he asked, you know, like, so how's it going with you and J man? And I said, but I not good. I broke up with him.
[00:17:22] And his response was, oh, poor J man that he has, that sucks for him.
[00:17:32] And I was like, buddy, I love you, but what the, what about me?
[00:17:39] And he was so sympathetic to his, his, his life, his perspective. Like it was pretty cute. Like, oh, poor guy. Like mom, you probably broke his heart.
[00:17:53] And I'm not laughing because I broke his heart. I'm just laughing at the perspective of a 14 year old.
[00:18:00] And, and you know how he just, he was all about the guy's perspective. And, and I said, you know, I said breakups happen. This is part of like some relationships are not meant to last and that's okay, but you have to be honest about it.
[00:18:22] And you know, he said to me, like, well, like mom in middle school, like the guy gets blamed for everything.
[00:18:31] The guy, like always, it's always a guy's fault, it's never the girl's fault. And I said, buddy, like, you know the truth and she knows there's always two sides and if someone wants to blame you, her friends will always blame you.
[00:18:49] But you have to be true to your heart. You have to be true to who you are.
[00:18:54] And Fine, fine, take the blame.
[00:19:00] So anyways, I just, I found joy in this moment. I found joy in sharing with him and having him share with me his experience.
[00:19:13] And you know, I think there's a lot of people that are married that their kids have no idea of their relationship. I mean, I feel like I, I didn't know anything that was happening in my parents relationship and I don't know that that's good.
[00:19:30] I think them seeing the good and bad in relationships is helpful. It makes them feel like they're not alone, that they're like that Even adults have these issues.
[00:19:49] So. Not that we need to tell our kids. Like, I don't tell my kids bad things about their, their dad or about people that I've dated. But I do tell them when things are not great and I tell them when things are great and I tell them like, I try to tell, like give them enough information that they know that yeah, relationships take work, you know, and they're, yeah, they're whatever they're feeling is something that I felt that you felt that we all feel at some point. So.
[00:20:27] Okay, off my soapbox.
[00:20:31] All right. I'm on to the funnies. Well, my first funny and I apologize. I pray to God my kids never listen to this ever.
[00:20:45] But.
[00:20:51] My son's girlfriend for Valentine's Day, oh my God, it's the sweetest thing ever. But she got him a flag with their faces on it.
[00:21:07] Like, and she went all out a flag, pajama bottoms, candy, Candy. Like Jesus, like she probably spent $50 on him.
[00:21:22] And he was sweet. He, we, he got her flowers and a heart pillow and this like XO stuffed animal and some candy. But like I still feel like she way over, like overdid it.
[00:21:36] But the flag, their faces on it.
[00:21:42] Oh.
[00:21:43] Oh. Melts my heart. I hope, I pray to God that he will let me put that on the flagpole someday.
[00:21:52] Fly it proud.
[00:21:56] All right, so my funny for the day. I, I don't know if you guys remember.
[00:22:00] I was, I was sharing a post about this guy who was referring to women like cars. Like, like a lead. Like if you're, if you're shitty, it's just a lease. I'm not, I'm not buying it. I, I, I, this was like last episode or two before, but this guy reposts and, and I don't even know what this means, but I'm sure some of you car lovers do. And it's a picture of this like beautiful convertible Mercedes in the picture. And he's like, I'm looking for an AMG Mercedes like this one. Yes, it's a great looking car, but also very reliable, trustworthy, approachable, someone who isn't going to try to kill me in my sleep, etc.
[00:22:42] I hope the car doesn't try to kill you. Sleep. Okay. And easy to live with.
[00:22:51] I'm sorry. I see a bunch of people arguing about who, who a Mercedes Benz is and who isn't that.
[00:23:01] That's what that person is.
[00:23:04] Has to be the full package. I still don't. I like his grammar. His English is bad. Okay, you see that car and it's gorgeous. It makes you feel something.
[00:23:14] You feel that passion in your heart, the excitement.
[00:23:18] However, it runs for 1 million miles, is lower stress and less of a headache, and is up for a good time. That's what a Mercedes is. The best or nothing.
[00:23:34] Okay, this and then the. The comments that follow it.
[00:23:43] You know, I think you're in the wrong chat. Why not look in a car group or get a broker?
[00:23:50] This woman's like, this is a single page, not a dealership page. You're looking for a car or partner.
[00:23:56] There's a meme like, where am I? And then this, this, this person.
[00:24:02] Bless, I love her. You again.
[00:24:05] Give it up on here, dude, and go meet some chicks at your damn car. Meet or at least talk cars with people who can relate. I guess.
[00:24:19] I.
[00:24:20] Yeah, it's a lot.
[00:24:23] I don't know what to do with that.
[00:24:29] All right, you guys, I guess maybe we should, like, evaluate next week. Like, if a relationship was a car, what would it be? Or if I was a car, what would it be? I would not be a Mercedes. But I don't know. Let me know. Let me know what you think you are.
[00:24:50] I've never done this before. So. Anyways, I hope you guys have an amazing week and thank you, as always, for listening.
