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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there and welcome back to flirting after 40. This is Tracy coming to you from a warm and sunny Denver where it is 90 degrees.
[00:00:18] My kids are on spring break this week and yeah, it was warmer in Denver than Miami. So if you guys are looking for a excellent spring break location, like what the hell.
[00:00:35] We honestly here. I know we don't need to talk about the weather, but I just, it's. We have not had winter at all and I'm a little sad about it. Like I like, I like the cold gloomy days and I know people from the Midwest are like, please shut the fuck up. But, but the cold gloomy days where you have a fire on and you don't need to go do anything or do any. Like, yeah, be anywhere, do anything, do anyone. I don't know.
[00:01:08] Yeah. So I guess the struggle is real. But everybody else that is not from here is probably like screw off.
[00:01:18] But yeah, spring break.
[00:01:21] Gotta love not taking your kids on spring break. Not really because it's like, it's like summer vacation but in summer you kind of ease in. This just feels like there are five teenage boys at my house at all times and it smells gross and there is so many rappers and everywhere hidden. I found like a.
[00:01:48] My son snuck a red bull and hid it behind a cushion and a cat. Like I'm just finding shit everywhere and I'm.
[00:01:58] I think it would be far. Well, traveling as a single parent with two kids is hard so I'm not sure that it would be easier but.
[00:02:08] Or more enjoyable. I'm not sure. But yeah, staying at home through spring break is not for the faint of heart either.
[00:02:18] So after last week I was talking with a friend about the podcast about the age. You know, age is just a number.
[00:02:29] The 27 year old dating a 60 year old.
[00:02:34] And I cannot believe, I cannot believe I forgot to bring this up, but her mom actually dated a guy that she graduated from high school with that they grew up or you know, like I don't know if they were like, I don't think they were friends really but her mom dated a guy that she went to high school with and that I think she said he was like 10, 10 days older than her.
[00:03:09] And I, I was thinking back to this. The, you know the, the show age is just a number and how I.
[00:03:19] There's definitely some of them that they're twice the age. So like if you're 20 or 40.
[00:03:27] So that would definitely make sense like that there are people that are dating people that are their kids age which I just.
[00:03:38] Okay. I find that kind of creepy.
[00:03:42] I think I would be uncomfortable as an adult dating someone that, that is my kid's age. I mean, clearly I'm not going to date a 13 year old, but when my kids are older, like, isn't that like.
[00:04:00] Yeah, it just.
[00:04:02] Ugh, I can't. I can't, I can't. And I think for my friend here, like, that's horribly uncomfortable.
[00:04:13] And it's horribly uncomfortable to go, like, see your parent or, you know, and then they're, like, chilling with your high school friend.
[00:04:24] Well, more than chilling, I want to say, like, shame on you. I mean, to each their own, I suppose. But I do think it's important to be cognizant of your family and your relationship with your family and how that would influence it. Now, would this be the same. Would my friend have the same reaction if her mom was dating someone that was her age, but she didn't know them?
[00:04:56] I think she would have a reaction. I don't think it would be as strong, but, like, knowing the person, knowing that, you know, you are at prom at the same time they were.
[00:05:09] I mean, thank God they didn't date.
[00:05:12] Like, how weird would that be?
[00:05:16] I can't. I just can't. And I think, like, for women, I think women, I'm going to say this on my behalf, want to be attractive to younger men.
[00:05:31] I think there is some excitement in that.
[00:05:34] I'm not saying I want to be. I want my kids. Friends to find me attractive.
[00:05:44] Now we're going all into the, oh, Stifler's mom scenario, but that's kind of what this is.
[00:05:57] Anyways, I.
[00:05:59] I just. I totally forgot that story and I had to share it because this is. This happens in real life.
[00:06:06] These are real people. I know them.
[00:06:10] And I don't know, maybe someday I will. I'll regret these words, but I will take a hard pass on that.
[00:06:25] So have a bunch of friends lately that.
[00:06:30] It just feels. And I've talked about this, it feels like the world is hard right now for politics, kids, life, menopause, breakups, relationships, everything.
[00:06:49] And maybe this is how it always is, but I think right now, everything, if. And for, like, the past year, things have just. Just felt really hard.
[00:06:59] And it was funny when I read something and it was like, who knew Covid.
[00:07:04] The COVID years would be the best years of the last, like, decade or the last five years at least.
[00:07:12] That's insane. And I'm not saying they were, because that was a really terrible time, too. But I just feel like things have Been. Have gotten really. Things are really difficult.
[00:07:24] I have a friend who, her son is.
[00:07:26] Her youngest is this last year in high school and he's.
[00:07:32] He's graduating and she's dealing with all the chaos of all the final things and all the money that is being spent on the final things and making sure he has the best and most memorable senior year and then preparing, I think, preparing herself mentally for leave him leaving the house and for her being an empty nester. And, you know, what does that mean for a single parent versus when you're married? Because I think there's different challenges that come when you're married to having that emptiness, doom around you is like, oh shit, we. We're gonna have to like, talk.
[00:08:19] And I think there's a lot of couples that have decided, like, we're gonna wait until our child is out of the house or in college before we split.
[00:08:31] Do they then continue to make that decision? Does it change them? Do they reconnect? How do you reconnect after going through parenthood together and having your children be the thing. Be your focus, be the thing that you talk about together, be the. The glue?
[00:08:53] I don't. I think it's hard. I think that's really hard.
[00:08:58] And I don't think that people even realize.
[00:09:01] Well, I think some people realize they're doing it, but that they're putting their child in that role.
[00:09:08] I don't think children maybe know they are in that role until their parents split.
[00:09:18] I feel. I really feel for her, and I don't know how to help.
[00:09:22] I'm a.
[00:09:24] I want to fix. I want to hope and you can't. Like, I'm like, I can make, you know, I don't know, graduation open house invitations. I could, you know, plan the food. I could plan the party for you. I could.
[00:09:39] But I think most of her stress is. Is psychology. Like, it's. It's this. Her psyche of like, that's probably not even the right word, but like the psychological stress of realizing that these are all the lasts in her life with her kids.
[00:09:59] And not that they won't have other performances and they won't have other big moments and. But it will change. It won't be that, you know, every Friday night there's a sporting event or a concert or this or that. It'll be far less.
[00:10:15] And I just think, anyways, that just. It just feels like a lot right now.
[00:10:25] I have friends that are having challenges with other friends.
[00:10:36] I think one. One of the hardest things as women that we go through and maybe men go through this too. But I don't know is fights or breaking up with friends because it feel. Because there's no right way to do it. Not that there's a right way to do it in a romantic relationship, but I think friendships, you know, they take. They take a lot of effort and a lot of work and a lot of friendships I've come across are pretty easy. You know, they. You find commonality and you are friends through that, that commonality. And you, you, you know, but you're not spending as much time with these people as you are with a significant other or somebody that you're dating. I mean, maybe you are.
[00:11:31] I mean, I know I travel with my friends and travel can always cause issues. But. But I think dealing with conflict within friendships is harder.
[00:11:48] It's almost harder than romantic relationships. At least for me it is. And I feel awkward. And we don't talk about how we like to be communicated to. We don't have like friendship love languages. I mean, I think I could pick up on a lot of them, but I don't think we had these in depth conversations about how we want to be seen in our friendships and show up in our friendships. And I think that's.
[00:12:18] That's hard. So then when conflict arises, like, how are you? How are you dealing with it?
[00:12:28] I have a friend that we're. No, I would say we're no longer. I mean, I would say we're no longer friends.
[00:12:37] She was my best friend for several, several years in California. She was the person that I did, I did all the things with. We worked together.
[00:12:53] We, you know, we did a ton together. We tr. We've traveled, we traveled together a ton of.
[00:13:01] I ended up moving to Colorado and for a while there, we were still really good friends.
[00:13:10] What I needed out of friendships or what you're able to do from afar sometimes changes as well.
[00:13:18] I, I also could no longer appreciate the life style she was living. And maybe I judged.
[00:13:30] I'm sure, I'm sure I did. I don't, I don't think I ever shared my.
[00:13:37] Shared those words with her, but I know that I, That I did.
[00:13:46] Could I have done more? Absolutely. Could she have done more? Absolutely.
[00:13:52] And like our breakup kind of was a.
[00:13:55] A breakup. Like I was in town, we had plans to see each other.
[00:14:00] She slept late, didn't show it make. It wasn't a priority.
[00:14:10] That just was kind of the final straw for me was that I'm in your town, I am 30 minutes away from you, and all you had to do was wake up at eight in the morning to have breakfast with me.
[00:14:24] You know, I was talking to another friend of mine a couple weeks ago and she was saying that she's going through a breakup with a friend, a girlfriend, and she was saying how like, they were super close and, and it's really hard also when kids are involved. Like, she was really close to her daughter. I think it was the daughter and just how sad it is. But that just like any relationship we have, we have to put boundaries around that relationship too. And we deserve to be treated fairly and we deserve to be treated with kindness. And if there are conflicts, because any relationship does have conflicts that they're addressed, they're addressed fairly.
[00:15:13] Might be emotional, but that, you know, we have to, we have to put the work in and we have to have the hard conversations.
[00:15:24] And I, I've just, it's, it's kind of a coincidence that I have a couple friends going through things and to be able to look back on mine and how poorly I dealt with it because I still, like, we're still on social media, friends, we're still on some group chats where, like, somebody will text both of us.
[00:15:50] You know, there's still pictures of her in my house from trips. Like, it's, it's not like she's gone. It's not like we had a breakup where you're like, off, I never want to talk to you again. It just, I just kind of walked away.
[00:16:09] And I think that's.
[00:16:11] I don't know. I don't know if that's healthy. I feel like it's not healthy because, like, there's no closure on either of our parts. And like, now I, I look at her life and I don't know.
[00:16:27] I don't know anybody in it and, or very few people in it. And she's probably looks at mine and same.
[00:16:38] And maybe one day we'll come back together, but maybe not.
[00:16:43] And I think it's weird. Like, I have a. My, like, high school best friend.
[00:16:47] Her and I kind of drifted apart after college and like, she had babies really young and I got married and moved to Arizona and then got divorced and then moved to California. And she was in the midst of raising her young boys and being married and had a very different life than I did. And her and I just kind of. We drifted apart. There wasn't a big riff. And like, her and I, I don't know, a couple times a year we'll reconnect or text.
[00:17:19] It's been a really long time since we've actually talked And I do think our lives are probably very different, but I don't have that same. I. I don't have that, like, animosity or, like. I know why.
[00:17:34] Why we didn't stay friends or didn't. Weren't. Didn't stay close, but, like, this other friendship I had, like, we were close and.
[00:17:50] Well, maybe it's. Now I'm saying it. Maybe it's the same. I just felt differently about it. I felt like I tried and she didn't try, and maybe that's it. And I wonder if. I wonder if that's how my high school friend felt. Like she tried, I didn't try, or like, I just.
[00:18:11] Life is hard.
[00:18:13] So I just wanted to acknowledge to all the women and men, you know, I know. I know things are hard right now. I think.
[00:18:25] I think we should, you know, try to be better friends to people.
[00:18:29] I think our friends really need this at this time.
[00:18:34] I know. I'm. I'm trying to be more mindful and a better friend to my friends and show up for them how they need me.
[00:18:43] And my. Maybe not necessarily how I. I need them, but I'm trying to figure out and even talk to them about how they need somebody to show up, because I think it's different and.
[00:18:56] But I'm really trying to put the emphasis back into remembering that the friendships that we build or that I build require effort and work, too, and they require patience and time and understanding and communication.
[00:19:15] Um, and maybe they don't work out and that's okay, too.
[00:19:20] I mean, not everything is meant to stay in our life forever. Like, whatever impact that they have shown or we have shown up for them is also probably, you know, it could be enough. And.
[00:19:36] Yeah, but, man, breaking up with friends, like, ugh, it sucks. It sucks. And there's less, and people don't talk about it, and I don't know. So I'm going to do better about talking about it because I think it's really important.
[00:19:55] All right, you guys, funnies for today.
[00:20:04] You know, they're. They're not as bad, But they're bad.
[00:20:13] All right, Jay. Perks of dating me include, but not limited to.
[00:20:18] I can cook, love to clean, work hard, ambitious, rock hard, cock, romantic, thoughtful, will marry you, have never cheated.
[00:20:31] Yay.
[00:20:33] Yay, Jay.
[00:20:35] Like, I just.
[00:20:37] These are just. These are just bad because I just don't.
[00:20:41] Johnny. Looking for a serious relationship.
[00:20:45] Amazing. With my tongue and hands.
[00:20:50] Great.
[00:20:52] This one was funny.
[00:20:57] Sorry.
[00:20:59] This guy says his dream job. The. The. The quote is, my dream job is.
[00:21:04] And his response was, I love looking into people's eyes. I think they can tell so much about a person.
[00:21:12] Do you?
[00:21:13] I mean, is that your dream job, or did you misread the prompt?
[00:21:21] See what else we got.
[00:21:23] It's been kind of a slow week, you guys, so. Oh, one thing.
[00:21:29] And I, I, I haven't done. I haven't done all my research on this, so I'm just gonna drop this and then move along and talk about it probably next week.
[00:21:39] The Bachelorette.
[00:21:41] Them canceling the Bachelorette. Okay. I feel like, again, I'm gonna say I didn't do my research, but I know that there have been bad men that have been the Bachelor, and I've been watching the Bachelor and Bachelorette since college, so 20 years more than. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Anyways, more than 20 years.
[00:22:02] But I loved.
[00:22:03] And I don't love this because it's the way of our world. So when I say, like, the world feels like a lot, it's this Instagram post. It says, how the fuck do we end up how the fuck do we end up in the timeline that we hold the Bachelorette to higher standards than the President of the United States?
[00:22:23] Fuck yes. I don't think she deserves to be the Bachelorette based on what I've heard, but he certainly doesn't deserve to be the President of the United States either. So on that note, I hope you guys have a great week, and I will not talk to you next week because I'm going to Vegas.
[00:22:43] Solo trip.
[00:22:44] And I'll tell you guys all about it when I get back, but have an amazing two weeks, and I will talk soon.
