Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:08] Hi there. This is Tracy with flirting after 40.
[00:00:12] I had a great night tonight. Sometimes all we need is to be around our friends and our people to fill our buckets. It.
[00:00:23] I sometimes forget how lucky I am that I have this group of people in my life that are amazing. And while I am out looking for love, I really have everything I need, and I'm really happy with my life.
[00:00:44] And so I just wanted to acknowledge that. And for anybody that's going through the same thing, lean on your friends. We have amazing networks of people that can help fill some of the emptiness that we have.
[00:01:01] So, anyways, an amazing night, and I know you guys are all dying to hear the latest from ex husband number one.
[00:01:10] Like I said, last week, I wrote a very genuine, I thought apology, and I sincerely meant it. Like, I did not want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt him.
[00:01:24] It was just a representation of how I saw the relationship at the time, which was 20 years ago. And, you know, there's a saying that if somebody shows you who they are, you should believe them right away. Like that.
[00:01:42] Right away. And we. We find excuses to not like, well, maybe they had a bad day or, you know, eventually they will be a nicer person or, I don't know, all the shit we tell ourselves. So I want to share the response I received from him after my apology.
[00:02:03] It says, you have no idea who I am now. Your decision to leave was solely yours. You gave up. You aren't sorry about anything. Do not use my name again. Fuck off forever. Okay, I'll fuck off forever.
[00:02:21] That.
[00:02:22] That message in response to a true apology just shows me that I was right and that he is clearly not my person. And who I saw then, I'm sure has evolved and is different. But at his core, he is probably the same person. And that's fine. It's just not the person for me.
[00:02:49] So we are moving on. I. I didn't have a chance to respond. He blocked me, clearly, because fuck off forever.
[00:03:00] Yeah, it just. It stings a little bit because I would have liked to maintain some communication with him, but, yeah, not anymore.
[00:03:14] So we are here a day before Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day.
[00:03:22] I'm sure there's a lot of people that love it. And I don't hate Valentine's Day because I'm single. I've hated Valentine's Day since I was in sixth grade. And in sixth grade, I.
[00:03:37] We were. Gosh, if you. Oh, gosh, okay, I'm, like, gonna date myself. But, you know, you Got the Valentine's that were like a shitty cardboard little piece of paper. We didn't have candy back in the day. Like, and you wrote everybody's name on it. You put it in a box in class and you opened your Valentine's.
[00:04:01] So I was in sixth grade and I had a lot of acne. I had. My face was full of pimples and zits and I was just so self conscious about it and kids would make fun of me and, you know, you just kind of get used to it and you move on. Well, in sixth grade, I opened up. We were opening up our Valentine's and there was a valentine. It was Michael Jordan. And Brian, I'm gonna use his real name because he's a dick. Had put dots all over Michael Jordan's face. And I can't even exactly remember what it said, but it said, happy Valentine's Day.
[00:04:49] And then something related to my skin and. And again, this. Michael Jordan had had dots all over his. His face. So I opened this card and. And it's funny how we have these vivid memories when we're younger. And like, I can't remember what the hell I ate for breakfast yesterday, but this is like one of those memories that has stuck with me my entire life. So I opened the valentine and I see it and I put it back in the envelope and I start tearing up a little bit. Like I'm in sixth grade and emotional and hormonal, whatever the fuck. It doesn't even fucking matter. He was a dick. So I go to put the valentine back in the box, and the girl, my friend, who was ever sitting next to me, was like, let me see it. Like, why are you upset? And I'm like, oh, fucking Brian sent me valentine, making fun of my skin. And. And she's like, let me it. And so I hand it to her.
[00:05:48] She's like, I'm going to show the teacher. I'm like, no, please don't show the teacher. Like, I don't want to make a big deal about this. And she takes it up to the teacher. Class is over. And the teacher asks me and Brian to stay so she can talk about this. And I'm emotional. And she kind of lays into Brian and is like, what? Like, why would you do this? What was your intent? And he gets emotional.
[00:06:14] Anyways, I go home, I tell my mom about it. It's just. It's just one of those, like, it just fucking sucks. Like, you're young, you're getting picked on, you're bullied, but we're gonna get over it. But it's Valentine's Day.
[00:06:32] The next morning, I get up to go to school, and I can't remember a lot about my house, but I walk out the side door. We didn't have an attached garage, so you walked out the door to get to the car in the garage, and there was a black garbage bag with my name on it.
[00:06:56] And in that garbage bag was a box of chocolates and a note.
[00:07:04] And I will never remember. Forget. I will never forget what the note said. It said, brian's a jerk. I think you're beautiful.
[00:07:12] And that's it. Nobody signed it, which is super sweet. Whoever sent it, I don't know.
[00:07:21] And. And to this day, I still don't know who sent that chocolate.
[00:07:26] I thought it has to be my mom or my dad, you know, somebody that's trying to make up for a shit kid and make sure that their daughter doesn't hate Valentine's forever. Or is it my teacher or Brian's parents or Brian or actually somebody who likes me? I don't know.
[00:07:45] And I still don't know.
[00:07:48] It's been years. Like, more than 30 years. I. I have no idea still to this date, who sent the chocolates in the garbage bag or who dropped them off.
[00:07:58] My gut feels like it's my parents, but my parents swear up and down it's not them.
[00:08:05] But that was a sweet gesture by whomever did that and did actually kind of save Valentine's Day that year for me.
[00:08:17] But I've just never been a fan. I don't know that I've ever had a real Valentine's Day. I don't. What the fuck does a real Valentine's Day even mean?
[00:08:27] I don't know. So to all that celebrate Happy Valentine's Day if you don't join me in ordering yourself some dinner, pouring a glass of wine.
[00:08:43] I don't know, getting some ice cream. Do whatever you need, but happy Valentine's Day.
[00:08:50] All right, so my story for you guys today is about a guy I met. This was, I would say, three years ago.
[00:09:07] I was at a coffee shop, and I never, ever meet people out in the wild. Men out in the wild.
[00:09:16] I'm at this coffee shop, and this guy comes up to me and he says, like, I feel like I sh. I know you.
[00:09:22] And I said, I nope, you don't know me. He introduces himself. We get to chatting. He's super cute. He has this, like, southern accent. He's got this, like, gray fox look, look going on. The silver hair, but younger. And so we get to talking. And we are in the same industry.
[00:09:46] Fascinating. So we exchange information, actually exchange business cards. And I leave and I go to work and I'm. I reach out to him on LinkedIn or he reached out to me. I don't know. We get connected on LinkedIn and mildly flirting. And then the flirting increases, and I actually am. I'm someone that takes. I'm sorry to all the men out there, but I sometimes take snapshots of texts and things so I will remember what happened. And there is this message. And he says, ha, ha ha. Well, if we're being professional, I found you ridiculously sexy. I respond, hmm, Well, I like that.
[00:10:33] He says, I kept thinking, I really wish I could get her to blow off the rest of the day and spend it with me in the. In the hotel. That. He says, not that we could have, but like I said, you did something to my head.
[00:10:49] I respond, that's a good thought. And I could have totally blown up, blown off the day. And I said, tomorrow I'm hosting a girl's day at a cabana. Too bad you're still not in town. He says, damn. So what you're saying is you would have been interested in a really wet and wild Wednesday morning?
[00:11:11] Okay.
[00:11:13] He's definitely. We're. We're flirting. Everybody sees that, right?
[00:11:18] So this continues.
[00:11:21] He's like, here's my WhatsApp classic married dude move. Why the fuck wouldn't you give me your fucking phone number?
[00:11:31] So that night, he is driving home and he calls me and we're talking on the phone. And he has now flown back to his hometown in Texas. I'm not going to get into the details, but it was a very sexual conversation in which he was masturbating while driving and gets home, and at this time, I don't know, I'm assuming he's single, but gets home and is like, I gotta go. And he's like, super quiet, like, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
[00:12:05] Great. I go, I have a girl's day and a cabana rented out with a friend. And we invite a couple women to the networking event. We're having a lovely afternoon in the pool with some drinks. And we're. We're in the pool and we're sitting there talking about, you know, what's going on. And I was like, oh, my God, you guys, I met this amazing dude. Here's his name. He works here. Super cute, cute accent. Like, fuck. Like, I'm excited.
[00:12:41] One of the women I am with looks at me and she says, my God, that is my husband's boss, and he is fucking married. Yeah. What.
[00:12:55] What fucking coincidence? Like, how in the world does this happen? That I meet a guy, and then a day or two later, I'm now in a pool with a woman that I don't know well, and it happens to be her husband's boss who's also married?
[00:13:17] So I'm fired up. I text him and I say something like, what did I say? I was like, oh, I'm at pool with so and so, and I just learned you're the boss of her husband and happened to be married.
[00:13:36] And his response was, yeah, I am.
[00:13:44] And the thing about it is that he tried to play it off like I was the crazy person. He was like, I just invited you to dinner. He's like, I did nothing wrong. I just, you know, a business dinner. I thought we could, you know, connect. And. And I'm like, what the fuck? You just masturbated while you were driving and talking to me, and you just sent me all these sexy, like, texts, and now you're. Oh, well, I just wanted to see if you want to have, you know, business dinner.
[00:14:23] I just don't. I just don't get it.
[00:14:26] If you're not happy, if you don't want to be in your marriage, then don't be in it. Don't fucking cheat. I don't know. So this happened, you know, I don't know, three years ago, like I said.
[00:14:39] I would say a year and a half ago. Two years ago, a colleague of his reached out to me because she was experiencing sexual harassment by him, and she wanted to know my story because, I mean, I'm not. I don't keep secrets.
[00:14:59] I say the things I need to say. So it got around she. Where she found out that I had this experience with him.
[00:15:07] I don't know what happened with her story, but men, are they capable of changing?
[00:15:14] Did he just fuck up several times? I don't think so. I feel like he's just a fucking.
[00:15:22] No. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's healed himself and is no longer out preying on us beautiful women. But I feel like the more and more I talk and hear stories, there's more of this, and it's just not okay.
[00:15:43] Just be honest.
[00:15:45] And if you're married and you want to have an affair, at least be honest about it. So I have two funnies for you guys today. They're not super funnies. I've been a little quiet on the dating app, so I belong to a couple Facebook groups that are Colorado singles or Colorado singles over 40 or things like that. And this gentleman posted his information on there and it was appealing to me. Like he looked like a really great guy. And in the message he indicated his DMs were open. I feel like I sound like a teenager when I say DMs, but so I, I responded to him and he had this like, format where he indicated, you know, the things he is interested in, his age, blah, blah, blah.
[00:16:44] So I fill those out and I send it back to him.
[00:16:49] His response was, I would entertain. Entertain friends with benefits. And I say, well, that's not what I'm looking for at this moment, but you never know. And then he gives me like a, A dude emoji and some sunglass smile face thing because I'm a dick and I'm who I am. I. I sent a message and I said, quick, quick question. Why did you say you were looking for a long term relationship? Then hit me up with the friends with benefits question. Am or am I just not long term material?
[00:17:27] Anyways, I pointed out that he had misrepresented himself in his message and he says, as a single man, been through it all, I'll look at whatever.
[00:17:42] Okay, you guys. Like, I was, I'm trying to hit on the guy and, and do I have to play like a dumb chick card? I don't know, like, I'm hitting on you. And he's like, well, I'll look at whatever.
[00:18:00] Ugh, I'm sorry. It's just so frustrating.
[00:18:10] All right, so here's the real funny. All right, the funny.
[00:18:13] Without even matching with me, this guy sends me a message.
[00:18:18] Hey, beautiful. How are you? Do you want to go to dinner? How about Del Frisco's in the tech center? I'll make reservations. Can I pick you up? What the.
[00:18:29] No, you can't pick me up. I don't even know you.
[00:18:33] We've never spoken. I haven't even liked you. Why the fuck are you inviting me out to dinner?
[00:18:41] Oh, so no action this week? Actually, I'm feeling pretty good.
[00:18:50] No dates, no potentials, but it's been a good week, have amazing friends.
[00:18:59] I've been able to laugh at some of the shit and reminisce.
[00:19:03] So I hope you guys all have a happy Valentine's Day.
[00:19:08] If you want to share your anti Valentine's Day stories with me, please do. Please follow. Please give this podcast a like, please share it. I really appreciate everybody's time and I hope you guys have a great day.
