I Kissed A Girl

[00:00:00] Foreign. [00:00:12] Hi there, it's Tracy with flirting after 40. [00:00:16] So I'm here to catch you guys up from last week in which I had two dates canceled. However, in good news, the week prior, I was out for a happy hour with a client, colleague, slash friend, and I was talking about the podcast, telling her what I was looking for, and she remembered, bless her soul, that her boyfriend had a brother that was single and my age. How have we been working together for eight months and this has just come up? Regardless, she made it happen. She set up a blind date, a blind double date for us. And this was last Friday. She hooked us up via text on Thursday night. And Thursday night I texted with him. Let's call him. Hmm. Burly man. [00:01:14] I texted with Burly man most the evening and the text exchange was awesome. [00:01:20] Super relaxed, fun banter, flirty, but, you know, not aggressive. And I was really excited for the blind date. I have not been on a ton of blind dates nor a ton of double dates, but I was. I was. I was super optimistic. He seemed like a really genuine. [00:01:44] I'm not saying he's not genuine, but he seemed like a really genuine guy. [00:01:49] So we went to the stock show. Denver has a huge stock show, the la. This was the last weekend, and I met them there and we met early or late afternoon and we had tickets for the rodeo. So we're talking a good, you know, six hours of time spent together. [00:02:10] I arrive and he's. He's my type, but he has hair. [00:02:17] We won't hold it against him. But tall, burly, like I said, beard. [00:02:26] He's a very handsome man and, you know, props, my friend. Good job, girl. [00:02:34] So we spend a couple hours walking around the stock show. We have a couple drinks, we have dinner, and during this time, he is kind of talking to me, kind of. Not like there wasn't a ton of effort yet he was still engaging. [00:02:58] Uh, I don't know that I can describe it any other way. [00:03:01] I was going out of my way. I feel like, to just try to get to know him, make a maybe uncomfortable situation comfortable. [00:03:14] I can talk to almost anyone. So I. There wasn't any immediate red flags. However, as the night progresses, he's more and more distant. And I mean, ladies, gentlemen, you know when. You know that feeling when someone's into you, and that was not here. [00:03:37] So we go to the rodeo and our group split off. He had gotten me a ticket, which was amazingly sweet and nice, and we sit down for the rodeo and Maybe he said 10 words to me during the entire two hours. [00:04:00] Oh, like, that just makes it even more uncomfortable. [00:04:08] He would tell me what event is coming up next. So, hey, barrel races are coming up. I tried to ask questions. I'm not a rodeo expert. I'm not a horse, bull, cow expert. [00:04:30] During the. I want to say, first five minutes of the show, a cowboy was injured and dragged kind of around the field. I don't even know. See, I don't even know what it's called. [00:04:47] And I might have been a squirmy girl. I was kind of like, oh, like, is he okay? Like, I. I've never seen something like that. And burly man just. Just kind of like, yeah, he's fine. He'll be okay. I don't know. It was just. It was just not ideal. And if anybody has been on a date where you feel like you wish you had an eject button, like, pull the eject button or strap, and you will fly out and be home. [00:05:23] That's what I wished for. And he wasn't rude. Just. It just wasn't good. And we leave the rodeo, meet back up with our friends, and at this point, I've been sitting next to some dude for two hours who hasn't talked to me, and I'm feeling really defeated, deflated, like, you know, like, what the fuck? [00:05:50] So I was like, hey, I'm just gonna get a lift home. [00:05:58] And everyone's like, no, no, no. Burly man can drive you home. [00:06:02] Burly man is like, yeah, you know what? I did offer you a ride home if you needed it, so I'm happy to drive you home. And instead of holding my ground, I said, okay, like, yes, you can drive me home. And it was fine. [00:06:26] I'm just. [00:06:29] I wish I had the ability at the time to say, like, no and not off, but no. Like, you didn't talk to me for two hours. Why the would I want to sit in a car with you for another 45 minutes? But I'm polite, and I'm nice, and so. [00:06:53] And I didn't want to wait for a lift. Let's be real, accepted the ride. And the ride home was actually far more pleasant than the rodeo. We talked, unfortunately, we talked about politics, which. [00:07:06] It was a very adult conversation, but, as I expected, wasn't necessarily where I wanted things to go. [00:07:15] It was fine. He seems like a really nice guy, but clearly not into me and clearly not my person. [00:07:22] So that night, I texted him and I thanked him for the drive home and the ticket, and I said, I know. Like, I could feel you're not into me, but I Just, you know, wanted to thank you for the evening, and I sincerely mean that. And the next morning, I got a text back which was equally as nice, that said, yeah, there's just no spark. [00:07:45] Womp, womp. [00:07:48] Like, I felt it. It's fine. It's just I had. And I. And I do this to myself. These high hopes or this. [00:07:59] There's no expectations, I would say, of. Of a date, but, like, it gets you believing again. It gets you hopeful that maybe this will be my person, but it wasn't. Shoot the effort. And this is why I'm doing the podcast, because the more people maybe I talk to or that hear this, the more brothers there are out in the world. [00:08:24] So no law, love lost. No love lost. However, we are moving on. [00:08:40] All right, so tonight's story. I kissed a girl. [00:08:44] Don't go getting all crazy, gentlemen or ladies. [00:08:49] This is a really semi. I say semi in quotes, non spicy story. [00:09:02] So in college, I had, I don't know, made out with some girls, kissed a girl, but it was always for a man. It was always to someone, was trying to impress someone or get with someone. [00:09:21] And this idea of, you know, two women together was, you know, hard to resist for college guys. [00:09:31] I get that. But I had never sought out a woman. I had never intentionally wanted to date a woman. And I don't know, I mean, I think I had been attracted to women in the past, but not in a way that would re. Like that I would ever act on. [00:09:51] So this story goes back to me being in the polyamorous world. And I met a couple, and they were looking for a woman to join them, to date them. And it wasn't just about sex. It was. They were looking for a woman to have a friendship with, a relationship with between both of them. And they lived here in Denver, and we happened to have gone to the same college in Michigan. So our first date, it was a blind date. I mean, I had seen them on their profile, so I kind of had an idea, but I was only texting with him. [00:10:31] There are some weird. Okay, I shouldn't say weird. Every poly relationship is different. And they were only comfortable with me communicating through him. [00:10:43] So I was communicating through the husband. We meet, we have some snacks, some drinks, there's good banter, we all are getting along great. [00:10:56] I believe it was that date that I invited them back to my house and we sat outside, had a fire and just talked, had a couple drinks. [00:11:07] And I want to say that was it. Maybe there was some flirting, maybe we kissed. [00:11:14] I'm not really sure. But the second date that I remember, y'all gotta bear with me. I'm 45 and all. My memory is not the best. They came over and I had a charcuterie board and we had drinks and we just hung out at my house. It was really nice. But I will say, one thing led to another, and I was definitely way more interested in her. [00:11:45] Let's call her Red. She has beautiful red hair. [00:11:50] I was definitely more attracted to her than him. [00:11:56] And that's a new. That was a new feeling for me. And she's. She said she's bisexual. Anyways, we have a lovely makeout session. And the thing I remember about it is how beautiful she was. And as a woman, I feel like I'm constantly looking to be better or be skinnier or prettier or all the things that we focus on. And during this evening, God, she was kind of a goddess. I don't know how to describe it. It was this moment where I thought to myself, if any guy looks at me or would feel the way I feel in her presence, I would be so lucky. [00:13:02] And it made me just kind of stop and think about how fucking amazing women are. Because here's this woman. She's. [00:13:17] I don't know, I would say curvy, fucking beautiful and soft and lovely and, oh, my God, like, I had this moment where if. [00:13:38] If I could see her in that light. [00:13:42] Like, God, I hope someone could see me in the same way. Like, she's so fucking beautiful and powerful and amazing. I say that with this love that never went anywhere. But what it taught me, or what I guess I learned was just that I should give myself more grace. And I want. [00:14:13] I want that. I want someone that looks at me in that same way because she's amazing. She's so beautiful, and she deserves that. [00:14:26] Sorry, men, it's not that you're not beautiful, but, like, it was a whole nother level of beauty for me and appreciation for women or women's bodies and. And the acknowledgement that beauty isn't one size fits all either. [00:14:47] I don't know. [00:14:48] So our relationship continued, however, not much longer. I got the impression that she was looking to find somebody for her husband to fill a gap. And. [00:15:02] I don't know, a couple dates later, it was his birthday. We all went out to a lovely dinner and ended back up at my place and had a good time. But I knew then it wasn't about me. It was about them and their relationship and what they were trying to work through. [00:15:25] And that's okay. Another not so successful Poly story. But I still take it as a very successful moment in my life, a very meaningful chapter, because she opened my eyes to a lot of other things. [00:15:44] And this has zero to do with him. And I'm sorry to say that, but the goal, I think, on their behalf was, yeah, like I said, to find someone for him so that she could go off and be with another partner. And I was not into him. I was into her, and she was not into me. She was into somebody else. [00:16:10] And isn't that the way it goes? [00:16:15] Oh, but I don't know. I. I encourage anybody that is open to exploring. To explore. [00:16:26] Because I never would have had that experience had I not agreed to meet them. And. And they're great people. So this experience taught me a few things. [00:16:39] Like, it taught me that it's okay to explore outside of things. You know, it's okay to feel things you haven't felt. [00:16:56] It's okay to be wildly attracted to the same sex. [00:17:01] My attraction doesn't mean that I'm not equally or more attracted to men. She just was such an amazing person that I allowed myself the freedom to explore. And it didn't work, which is fine, but, God, I just saw and learned to see women in such a different way. [00:17:30] And I'm not sexualizing it. It's purely. [00:17:36] If someone could see me like I saw her, that would be the. That's my biggest wish. And I can't even put it into words, but the beauty that women have. [00:17:50] Oh, it's fascinating. So the point of this story is that I don't think there's rules. There shouldn't have to be rules in what you do or what you're looking for or what you want out of relationship or who it's with. [00:18:13] It was one of the most beautiful relationships that I had. And it lasted not long, but I learned a lot very quickly. [00:18:25] So, yes, I kissed a girl and I liked it. And I've kissed many since. Because why not? Women are fucking amazing. All right, moving on to our funny of the day. [00:18:42] A gentleman name will remain unsaid. He's 43 years old. [00:18:48] I'm very laid back. Just looking for someone to vibe and connect with. It's winter time. [00:18:58] Let's snowboard or join the mile high club. Or go half on a baby. [00:19:06] What is wrong with people? [00:19:12] I really. I really don't know how to navigate this world. Like half on a baby on a. Dating my. My Ohio club. Fine, I guess. I mean, did you guys know? I just read there's. [00:19:34] There's a plane. You can rent to achieve your Mile High club fantasy. [00:19:42] Yeah. There's a bed, champagne. There's a curtain that the pilots draw so they can't see you and they listen. They have sound deafening headphones. So you could join the Mile High club on your private plane. I mean, maybe if that guy offered that I would maybe talk to him, like, I'll take you on a private plane, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. [00:20:12] But let's keep the baby out of it and the skiing or snowboarding. [00:20:21] Oh, my God. [00:20:23] I just can't. So y'all know how fast things change. So maybe by next week, I'll have met my dream man. I have no idea. But for now, it is a solo weekend. [00:20:39] Maybe I'll rent out a plane. I don't know. You know, I appreciate everybody. I sent this to link out to some friends and family and Facebook, and the response has been amazing. I feel like a lot of us just need to know we're in it together, and we are. And whether you're married or out on the hunt, we're all in it. It's. It's a shit show. I think life has these beautiful moments, but I think a lot of the time, you know, it's a grind and it's hard. And I hope we can build a community together and know that as women, we've got each other. And so please continue to listen, follow on Facebook, Instagram, listen, wherever you listen. I really do appreciate everybody, and I appreciate the feedback, and I just have so much to share, and this brings me joy because my friends are tired of my stories. So thank you all and have a great night.