The First Time...

[00:00:00] Foreign. [00:00:11] Welcome to flirting after 40. This is Tracy. I hope y'all are staying warm. It's pretty cold here in Colorado, and honestly, I've been hunkered down for the last couple days. If you might recall, I had two dates scheduled for this upcoming weekend and was communicating to these gentlemen via the apps, and I was conflicted as to when I should tell them. [00:00:43] I have a podcast. So the podcast is new to me. [00:00:48] We're on episode five, so I wasn't sure. I asked around, and I had one friend tell me I should just, you know, be upfront because that's who I am. And I should just tell them, like, you know, pretty much right off the get go. You know, you have a couple good conversations, you see that there's a connection, and just let them know right then. Well, I think I agree with that. Um, I thought I agreed with that. This week has played out maybe a little differently for me. I had another friend suggest that I should tell them three after three dates or after we hook up. [00:01:36] Okay. I'm. I'm trying to put myself in that position of dating someone and they have this, you know, podcasts where they talk about who they're dating and how I would feel if I knew ahead of dating or after we had a couple dates or after we hooked up. [00:01:59] At first I thought I would want to know right away because, I don't know, I'm just. I'm the person that puts it all out there. But I realized that there's not a lot of people like me that just lay their cards out and let them fall or let people choose what they want with that. [00:02:21] I feel like after hooking up or having sex with someone, we've been vulnerable together. I feel like that's too late. And I'm not at the point in my dating life right now where I'm hooking up. Not typically on the first date. Yes, it could happen. It has happened. But I don't. I'm trying to be mindful, and I'm trying to be respectful of my boundaries and their boundaries and create something that's more significant than just a good. A good time. [00:02:59] So I think maybe I have settled on after a couple dates, so after they've met me, they kind of know what I'm about. We determine that they're not psycho. I don't know, but, like, maybe telling them up front. If I tell them up front and they know they're psycho, that they'll acknowledge their psycho ness and leave me alone. [00:03:24] That might be the funniest thing I've ever said because I. [00:03:31] I don't know any man that has acknowledged that they're fucking crazy. [00:03:37] Okay, so we're working this out together in my head as I speak. I'm going to set a new timeline for me of two dates. I will tell someone about the podcast after the second date. And, you know, that could change, but hopefully by then we've established that there is a reason we want to continue to see each other, some commonality. I've been able to be honest and open. I feel like they are, too. They're not super critical. They're looking for the same things I'm hopefully looking for, and they're not psycho. [00:04:19] Okay. Putting that out of the world. Two dates. So the dates for this weekend, I ended up via text or chat from the dating apps, told both of them that I'm doing this podcast. [00:04:40] So if you recall, there was a tea from Tinder and Ginger. [00:04:48] So Tia from Tinder was definitely more conservative. The conversation was a little more. Just a little slower. [00:04:59] Not. Not necessarily great banter, but seemed like. Seems like we would get along and, like, the same things. And however, when I clear, I told him about the podcast and I said, listen, I will never reveal your identity. Our private conversations are private. Like, I'm doing this because I'm genuinely trying to put myself out there and find this big love. But I feel like it's fair to let you know that I talk about people I'm engaging with, and if we go out, I will probably talk about our date. Oh, goodness. So T responds with, thank you for letting me know that unfortunately, I don't want to be in any podcast and I do not give my permission to use anything about me in it. Okay. [00:06:01] My response back was understood. I respect that. But it's kind of a bummer. [00:06:10] And, I mean, it is what it is. Everybody has their boundaries. So I've not. I have nothing to share about him. I have nothing to tell anybody about it. Just. [00:06:24] Well, it kind of sucks because I was looking forward to meeting him, and then I had a date scheduled with Ginger, and he was chatting me up a ton. A ton, A ton. And I told him about it, and his response was like, okay, cool. Like, that's. That's great. No problem. Thank you for your honesty. [00:06:52] I get it. Like, no issues. Yay. [00:06:57] Except, God, fucking dating sucks. Today I get a text from him that says his son's mother is sick, so he won't be able to see me on Friday, and our schedules probably won't ever align. So you seem Like a cool chick. You seem really great, but good luck. [00:07:26] Oh, that's fine. He's probably right. Our schedules were super different. And if you are a parent and have custody, shared custody with your children or custody of your children, you know how hard scheduled coordination can be when you're dating. [00:07:41] And his was extremely difficult. There's part of me that's a bitch and I'm like, Your son is 12. Can't he stay home for two hours while I grab a drink? Tracy, you're a bitch. Stop. But these are the things I think I feel bad for the guy because honestly, I don't know that he's, if he's actually looking to date, he's probably not going to allow himself the space and the opportunities to actually do it. But again, that's not a decision for me to make. That's, that's his decision. So from two dates to no dates. [00:08:19] So what does one do when feeling cold, alone, a little sad. [00:08:26] Recovering. Recovering sadness. [00:08:29] They book a fucking trip to the beach. [00:08:35] So you don't need a man for that. [00:08:39] I booked myself a lovely five night vacation coming up in February because I'm not gonna wait for somebody to do these things with and I deserve, I deserve that so more to come on the beach vacation. But I'm a little impulsive and that, that happened the other day. [00:09:17] So I'm here to tell you a story about my first experience after being divorced because I've heard some, some feedback from everybody that, that is listening and that, you know, getting divorced, you, you have to start over somewhere and, and people don't know where to start. And there's no guidebook, there's no right or wrong. I know a lot of people that have jumped right into relationships and end up getting remarried. I know people that swear off the other gender and just bask in their aloneness. My first, not my first first, but my first post divorce. I had a friend that dragged me out for a happy hour and I didn't, I didn't really want to go. I had to get dressed up. It was the first time like going out on the town after my split and it felt overwhelming. But I took an Uber downtown Denver and met her. We had drinks on a rooftop bar. And both of us are very outgoing, we talk to people. [00:10:37] So while we were there and this given, this is like seven years ago, so bear with me. My, my memory might not be great, but we meet a couple guys. I feel like they were from out of town. [00:10:52] Chatting them up, having a good time, having some drinks. [00:10:57] Beautiful Rooftop bar in Denver. [00:11:01] And as the night progresses, like, let's go somewhere else. Let's go get some food. Everybody's kind of drunk. Go get some food and find another bar. And we end up at. [00:11:18] We end up at Tarantula's Billiards Bar and Grill. [00:11:24] Which is kind of what you would imagine by the name. It's kind of a shithole place. And pool. [00:11:34] Hit some darts. [00:11:36] Should ask. Sorry. Tarantulas Bar food. And so we walk in and I feel like immediately these guys kind of ditch us. And we're pretty drunk at this point. And somehow I pick, of course, because I myself pick this six foot six, bald, huge dude, Big Mike that we're going to call him. He's playing pool and I like tiny little me. And for those that don't know what I look like or how tall I am, I'm lovely. Five foot one on a good day. [00:12:16] Yeah. So this little, little thing rolling up to this ginormous man. And I think I was talking shit about his pool game or something because that's just who I am. Anyways, we are from. We find out we are from Michigan and we grew up like five miles apart. Okay. How fucking weird is that? And so we had something to bond over, you know, it's not, it's just not just banter about his ass pool game. It's. It's now like similar high schools. He went to my neighboring high school. And anyways, we get along really well. And at one point we're sitting outside and I'm sitting on his lap and we're just young, and we're not that young, having a good time. [00:13:18] So I, so I go to the bathroom and I drop my cell phone on the floor and it shatters. [00:13:35] Okay? So now I have Ubered there. I have no cell phone. I'm talking to this dude. My girlfriend at the time is like, you know, you should take him home. You should have some fun. You deserve some fun. And I, I'm freaking out because, okay, I don't do that. I've never done that ever. [00:13:58] I don't have a phone, but why the fuck not? So invite Big Mike back to my house. And I had my friend, she. [00:14:11] She called me the Uber and put it on her phone and her account. Tracy, you're so fucking dumb. You bring a man you just met home with you and you have no phone and no way to communicate out. [00:14:32] You know, these lessons teach us things. Nothing happened. I mean, we hooked up, but nothing bad happened. Fortunately for me, I've gotten smarter and wiser from this, but this was my first time. I didn't. I didn't. I don't know. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think things through. So we get back to my house, we hook up. [00:14:57] Fine. It's good he spends the night. First morning with someone new that you don't know. [00:15:04] It's awkward, to say the least. And this was even. This was just super awkward. [00:15:13] You're hungover. [00:15:16] Hey, I need a ride to the train station. Or he was like, no, I'm going to walk. I looked up the train station. It's like two and a half miles from your house. I'm going to hit the road. [00:15:29] Thanks for the good time. [00:15:33] Maybe we'll get in contact. [00:15:37] I'm like, no, you're not walking. Like, I will drive you to the train station. So I drive him and he. [00:15:49] He gets out of the car or he's. He's going to get out of the car, and he gives me a fist bump. [00:15:59] Okay. We're like, how old am I then? You know, late 30s. He's older than me and shoot. Hey, fist bump. Thanks for a good time. [00:16:10] I'm like, what? What the fuck does that mean? [00:16:15] Like, okay. [00:16:19] And now I. So I drop him off, and I have a broken phone. And now I'm like, in my head, if any woman or man here has done this, you're in your head like, oh, my God, what did I do? [00:16:33] Are they going to call me? I don't have a phone. What if I miss their call? Do they like me? Do I let them do spiral, Spiral, spiral. So I immediately go get my phone fixed, and then I'm like, kind of nauseous about, like, God, what did I just do? [00:16:52] Get my phone fixed. And later that day, he texts me and, you know, it's like, thanks for hanging out. It'd be great to grab a drink, see you again. And, you know, I think I said something like, fist bump. [00:17:09] Sure. [00:17:12] Because I'm a dick. [00:17:15] Anyways, so we go from that to dating. [00:17:22] How does that happen? [00:17:25] He's not what I was looking for. He was a. He's a good guy, but a lot of the things that I want out of a partner was lacking. He had recently gotten divorced as well. So I think we. We trauma. Bonded over that. A little bit of sharing those, like, horrible stories of going through our divorces and our relationship progressed to the point where. [00:17:52] I'm sorry, to my sister and her husband that I brought him to their wedding. [00:18:01] Oh. The demise of our relationship is a Whole nother story. But I want everybody to know that you have to have a first. After mine ended up being almost an eight month relationship that was far too long than it needed to be for what it was. However, it's a pretty fun story. And Big Mike, we no longer talk. I haven't heard from him in probably about a year now. But you know, go do the things, go meet the people. Like, I'm not ever gonna say that was a mistake, because it wasn't. But like, go make the mistakes. Go meet, have fun. Like you got. You gotta do it. So that is my. [00:18:53] The first story. My first after the divorce. [00:18:59] Go Big Mike. [00:19:02] Okay, so you're for your funny today. I don't have a ton of new profiles to share with y'all, but I have this one Gentleman's profile. He's 35, so too young for me, darling. [00:19:20] Oh, it says it's his name. 35 calzones. B2B sales currently. [00:19:27] YMH. I don't know what YMH stands for, so I probably should Google that. [00:19:33] 2 kitty cat. He plays hockey, likes nature, spaced up, technology, Stand up. Philosophy. Cooking is a language of appreciation for me. He drives a car, breathes air, showers often and probably not emotionally available, but you may be able to overcome that. [00:20:01] Yay me. I may be able to overcome your emotionally inability to hang out with me. What? [00:20:10] Probably not emotionally available, but you may be able to overcome that. Dude, that's a horrible profile. But, you know, maybe he's getting a date because I'm certainly not. We gotta make the best of where we are and I'm just gonna enjoy my quiet weekend, maybe venture out on my own, go to a show, do something, try to meet somebody, get my ass back on the apps talking to people again. But it just sucks when you had a weekend planned and it goes to shit. [00:20:49] But back in the dating world and that's how it goes, so. [00:20:55] Hey, y'all. I appreciate you listening. Please follow whatever channel you're listening to. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook. [00:21:04] I just, I appreciate everyone so much and I really appreciate your time. [00:21:11] So thank you and have an amazing day.