Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] So I have barely recovered from Disney.
[00:00:19] Yeah, you guys, I'm sorry. Last week, it was. It was really hard.
[00:00:26] I think being a single parent. I mean, I have a good. I have a good. They have a good dad. I have a good ex husband.
[00:00:38] Makes it a lot easier. But any attempt at trying to do something big on your own is really, really hard. And I just. I really. I really had a hard time with that.
[00:00:52] I know I posted on social media, like, on my personal page, like, some pictures and a little bit of, like, what happened? Because, like, the pictures, you could look at the pictures and be like, it was amazing.
[00:01:08] And I think, you know, that's a lot of what social media is, is just this false narrative of, my life is amazing, my life is great, or we've got it great. We've got a big perfect kids, and by all means, I do not.
[00:01:26] And I was just trying to bring some reality back to that.
[00:01:33] Yeah, so I'm. I'm back. I still haven't really been in the dating scene. I'm just trying to recover, I think, a little bit.
[00:01:44] So I was watching.
[00:01:46] I was watching.
[00:01:49] It's called Sneaky Links.
[00:01:52] I have to make sure I had that right on Netflix. And you guys, I didn't know. I don't know what. I don't. I didn't know what sneaky links meant, so I started watching it. Like, I watch all the stupid or not stupid. I don't know, because I watch it like dating shows, like Mary Married at First Sight, Love Is Blind. I love all those things. So, like, my Netflix, like, obviously populates with that kind of stuff. So a Sneaky Links. And I'm like, okay, I'll watch this.
[00:02:34] I had to, like, Google what Sneaky Links was. And it's someone you are having a. Basically a secret sexual relationship with.
[00:02:43] And during this show, it's these people come in thinking they're gonna meet new people, and they actually invite their sneaky link in, which is someone that they've been hooking up with multiple times or hooking up with in the past to see if they really have a connection or if there's a better connection for them.
[00:03:11] So it's not like they're. They're. They're not cheating. They just have this.
[00:03:18] I'm like, I would call it Booty Call. They have a booty call that they would like.
[00:03:25] I'm bored. Want to come over and Netflix and chill again? Sneaky Links. You want to come over and be A sneaky link. I. I don't even know where this came from.
[00:03:36] Apparently it came from, like, a TikTok thing.
[00:03:39] I feel really old when I don't know these things, but I was trying to think, like, have I ever had a sneaky link?
[00:03:49] Have I ever had, like a booty call? Like, I don't actually think I have.
[00:03:56] Like, I've had one night stands and I've had. I mean, I've had guys that I've.
[00:04:08] I don't know, I feel like I've never just had a.
[00:04:12] Yeah, like a. A booty call where it's like, hey, we're bored. You want to come over and Like, I've never had that.
[00:04:20] And that's like. I mean, I'm.
[00:04:22] That's kind of surprising for me to say out loud.
[00:04:26] Not that I'm slutty. I just.
[00:04:29] I don't know that I have had that. And it's funny, I think I can't remember exactly how the show ended because I got kind of bored of it, but, like, I would. I think most, like 80% of the people did not end up with their sneaky link because, you know, they weren't their person. I mean, if. If that was your person, why wouldn't you be with them?
[00:04:56] If there was more to it than just sex and like a random hookup or, like, you know, just a good evening, why wouldn't you have dated them? Like, actually dated them? So anyways, I think I learned something.
[00:05:19] And yeah, I'm.
[00:05:22] I'm not a sneaky linker.
[00:05:25] Let me know if you guys have ever been because that was a new one for me. Okay. So I also.
[00:05:32] That made me think about body count.
[00:05:37] Like, how many people have you slept with? I mean, I remember being.
[00:05:41] Gosh, I was probably in college or maybe like, right after college.
[00:05:45] No, it would have been in college or maybe after I got divorced. Divorced. The first time that peop. Like men would ask you or women would ask men, how many people have you slept with?
[00:06:00] And I've never. I've not been asked this question in the last five, maybe 10 years. Like, I don't remember being asked this lately, but I remember being asked it. Or I. And I remember asking it when I was younger, like, to, like, someone you were on a date with or somebody you were hooking up with or you were their boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever.
[00:06:31] And like, I remember wondering, like, what is the right answer?
[00:06:38] Like, do. Would a. Would a man not like you because of your count and. Or would I not like someone based on their count and like, are they actually even being honest with this?
[00:06:55] And so I looked up.
[00:06:58] I had to ask Alex, you know, my chatgpt boyfriend, what it was. Okay? This is the stat that he provided to me.
[00:07:08] He says, women, average lifetime partners, 4 to 8.
[00:07:13] Median is 4.
[00:07:14] Most women report fewer partners than men, although that's often because women tend to under report. Thanks. Shame and double standards. Eye roll.
[00:07:25] Four, four to eight.
[00:07:32] Okay, that. That, like, instantly put me into kind of like a panic attack of, like.
[00:07:40] And. And there's nothing wrong with it. Like, they're like, again, I don't think there's anything wrong with if Your number is 4, 12 or 200 or like, what. Whatever it is. Like, we are all responsible for our decisions and our choices, and I'm not. I don't think multiple partners is a.
[00:08:03] Is a bad thing.
[00:08:05] And. And I'm at my. In my life where I.
[00:08:09] I recognize that. And. And probably if you asked me when I was 25, I would have been like, I would. I would have probably had a different answer.
[00:08:20] I'm 45.
[00:08:22] So, like, let's break out the calculator. Let's say we've had 25 years of being sexually active, and you sleep with too many year.
[00:08:35] That's 50 people. Okay, so let's say you were married seven years. That would be 43 people.
[00:08:46] And now let's say, okay, so I got. I got y' all. I gotta do math. 25 -7 is 18 years of being single. Let's just say. And let's say you sleep with four people a year. That's 72 people. Like, and honestly, like, four people a year, I don't think is outlandish. I think that's a very healthy normal. I don't know. I don't. Normal isn't even the right word. That seems so, like, you're single and you sleep with four people a year. Who. Like, that's 72 people.
[00:09:24] So when they say four to eight for women, I'm just shocked. Now, clearly, like, I've had a year where I've slept with one, but I know I've had years where I've slept with 10. I like.
[00:09:42] So I just. I'm like, this, this. This stat of 4 to 8. And then they say men, average lifetime partner, 6 to 9.
[00:09:53] Like, there is no way. Like, again, no disrespect, men, but, like, I know you guys are more promiscuous maybe. Okay, maybe that's another lie. But even this shows it.
[00:10:07] You've had more partners.
[00:10:10] But I like, there's No, I don't know.
[00:10:17] Okay, maybe I know a few that have had less than nine partners.
[00:10:21] But again, let's say you're in college. You have four years of college. I'm breaking out the calculator again. And let's say you slept with like, you know, five people a year. That's still 20.
[00:10:34] Like six to nine. But here's what Alex reported to me too. Men tend to over report.
[00:10:43] Okay, so the 6 to 9 is an exaggeration. Like what it's. He says, because this, again, society rewards them for it. So take that with a grain of ego. Like six to nine is an over report.
[00:10:58] I don't know.
[00:11:00] Maybe I'm just the smut goblin. I don't like. Instead of saying slut, go back and listen to that episode. Like, maybe I'm.
[00:11:09] Maybe I'm the crazy person that is breaking the glass ceiling of partners.
[00:11:19] I don't know. It says, you know, people in their 30s to 40s tend to report more honestly, yay, us than people in their 20s or who are either stacking numbers or just lying about them.
[00:11:35] This also says 15 to 20% of adults report only having one partner in their entire life.
[00:11:43] I don't even know. Like, that's sweet. And also, I'm kind of sad for them. Like, I guess, you know, for your religious purposes, like that if that is your religion and that is your belief, then that is sacred to you and that, that one person. Yeah, like, I get that. I, um, I just. I don't know that I believe it. And then about 10% of people claim 20 plus partners.
[00:12:14] I'm overexelling. Yay.
[00:12:19] I don't know. I don't know how I feel about this. Like, this, it either makes me feel slutty or I feel like everybody's lying.
[00:12:30] I had.
[00:12:32] So this was like, this was a couple years ago.
[00:12:38] Sorry. I was divorced. So it was, it was five or six years ago. I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about this and we made a list of everyone we have been with.
[00:12:56] And I would love to tell you guys, like, it was easy and I rattled off the six names, but it wasn't.
[00:13:10] And I definitely think I. I have been. I was more promiscuous than clearly the average.
[00:13:19] And I'm not like, I don't, I don't sleep around.
[00:13:24] I've had probably one or two one night stands, but every person that I have slept with, I've had a connection with.
[00:13:39] And clearly that's more than nine or six or four.
[00:13:46] I Don't know, but it makes me feel a little bad reading the stats there.
[00:13:55] I feel like I'm very intentional in my relationships and who I sleep with.
[00:14:05] I'm just curious like, what you guys think because maybe I am.
[00:14:13] Maybe I am the crazy one that. And I know I'm divorced. Like, if I would have gotten married, like I got married, you know, in 2010. Oh my God. Okay. In 2010. So if I would have stayed married, like, it would have been him and my number would have ended.
[00:14:33] But more and more of us are getting divorced and I'm not gonna be celibate for the sake. Like, if I feel a connection with somebody and like I enjoy sex, so I don't feel like I should feel ashamed for it yet even talking about this, I feel shame and I would like for us to not.
[00:14:59] I am sure I have the list somewhere. I kept it because yeah, I feel shame and I don't want to feel shame because I.
[00:15:12] I'm safe, I'm responsible, I'm not promiscuous. And like each engagement had there was intent in something that was behind it.
[00:15:27] Did I think everybody was my soulmate? No.
[00:15:31] But I could tell you something about everybody.
[00:15:36] Yeah, I don't know this, like, it kind. It. It strikes a chord and it sits.
[00:15:43] It sits a little differently for me. So yeah, I would love, like if you guys are willing to share with me, like anonymously, even like what your number is. Like, I'm just curious.
[00:15:58] I'm definitely in the top 10%, so.
[00:16:04] Woohoo.
[00:16:09] And that's even with like only having sex once this year.
[00:16:14] All right, well, I mean, I have 21 more dates to go on.
[00:16:21] I need to get my act together. I just, I like can't.
[00:16:26] I just.
[00:16:28] I kind of want to give up on dating and that's not fair to me. I just.
[00:16:36] Or maybe it is. I feel like I'm just kind of like burnt out.
[00:16:41] I'm in a weird spot of.
[00:16:45] Yeah, I don't know, I just.
[00:16:47] It doesn't feel like a priority right now, but I know, I know, I know, I know I want partner and like the Disney trip was.
[00:16:57] Was me recognizing that, I think. And maybe why I was in a little bit of a funk because even if I didn't have somebody on that trip with me, which I don't expect to if I'm dating somebody, but like, still somebody to like, vent to or just tell me like, hey, you know, you got this would be nice. And I. And I have friends that are doing that and that do That I just.
[00:17:26] Yeah, I.
[00:17:28] I really, really do want it. And so when I feel like I just want to, like, throw in the towel and just fucking give up, like, if I give up, I'm. I'm.
[00:17:41] I'm saying I'm okay with where I am, and I. And. And I am, but I still, like, I know.
[00:17:47] I know there's more and more. I am not the person that just throws in the towel. Like, I chase more and I want more, and I know I deserve more, and I know I have a lot more love to give.
[00:18:03] And so, like, the idea of just fucking saying fuck it, I might for a week or two, but it just. It's not really in my vocabulary, so. So while I've taken a little bit of, like, time off and, like, I'm not hot and pursuing it, I am still.
[00:18:25] So the. The goal is still there.
[00:18:29] I did tell a friend today, I had drinks with her. I said, I have this goal of 25 dates. And she's like, wow, that's, like, super ambitious. That's like, That's a lot. And I did say I was like, I might fail. Like, I might. I might not hit it. But, you know, we all have to have goals. And my goal isn't necessarily be in the top 10 of, like, head count, body count, not head count yet. I'm there. I'm an overachiever, so.
[00:19:06] All right, ready for your funnies of the day?
[00:19:09] Okay. I don't have a lot of funnies, except. So my ex husband is 10 years older than me, so he's.
[00:19:18] He's 55.
[00:19:21] He's 55.
[00:19:23] And it's funny. Like, at the time we got married, like, I didn't. I was 32.
[00:19:33] Anyways, I didn't think it was a big deal.
[00:19:36] And I've always tended to like older men, but anytime, like, he. He's not remarried and he's not dating well that I know of. Like, he could be dating someone. I don't know.
[00:19:49] But we. We talk about it a little bit. And anytime I'm feeling like I think he's feeling sad, I send him pictures of men that are younger than him on dating apps. Like, there was this man who is 52, and he is, like, he's a handsome older man, but he really looks like he's, like, 70.
[00:20:14] Like, there's no way he's 52. He's, like, bald with, like, gray hair around, and he's wearing a silver velour suit, and he is writing a moped that has three wheels. So, like, you know, like the old, like the motorcycles that have like the front wheel and the two back. He's like riding a moped like that. And he's 52.
[00:20:44] I feel bad, like, and you know I'm being a dick. I know I'm being a dick, but I, like, send this to my ex to make him feel better about himself because he as. Do I look so young?
[00:20:57] No, he looks really young. And for his a. For. For his age. And like, I would happily date a 52 year old, but this guy looks like he's like, really old.
[00:21:12] It hurts my heart. I don't even know what to do with that.
[00:21:16] I also got a text or a.
[00:21:20] And a text, but a message from a guy.
[00:21:24] Like a, hey, hey.
[00:21:29] And I said something like, sorry, I've been off the grid. I was in Disney with my kids. I'm back.
[00:21:39] And in the third message to me, like, hey, hey, me saying something about Disney. And then, like, he responds. So maybe fourth he says, hey, babe, why was Disney hard?
[00:21:55] Like, you don't know me.
[00:21:57] Why are. Like, you shouldn't call me babe.
[00:22:01] Like, gives me the ick.
[00:22:06] So it's not funny. It's like, icky. Like, why you're not. Like, why are you so comfortable? Like, you don't know me. I'm not your babe.
[00:22:14] So, like a pet. A pet name right away. Like, I don't know.
[00:22:22] Nope, nope. Shut it down.
[00:22:26] Okay. I feel like I'm being over critical, but, like, this is what it's like.
[00:22:33] That's the. That's the difference of me, like, continuing a conversation over not so sorry, babe.
[00:22:45] All right, you guys, I hope you have a lovely week.
[00:22:48] Thank you for listening. Please share this podcast with somebody that you know.
[00:22:54] I'm on episode 25. We've got quite a following already. But, like, I just. I really appreciate everybody and I know there's more people that are out there like me in the. Not like the top 10% that maybe you can, you know, relate. So.
[00:23:13] And if you're not, go you. And don't. Don't slut shame me.
[00:23:18] All right, love you guys. Bye.
