Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. Welcome to flirting after 40.
[00:00:09] So today I had a business lunch with two gentlemen that I did not really know really at all.
[00:00:19] And it's, it's nothing like that. You guys, like, they're happily married and are potentially getting married. But it was really cute to see these two guys, like, giddy about their girls and reminded me that, like, that does exist. And one of them was 40 and isn't married yet, but working his way there.
[00:00:52] And like, it was.
[00:00:55] I don't know, it was kind of. It was unexpected for me that it was a really pleasant lunch. And then it was really cute to see them both, like, excited about the women in their lives.
[00:01:11] And they both met them at work, which I love because, you know, where do we meet people these days? Like, it's kind of hard either through activities or doing something. But they both met them at work and I don't know, it just kind of gave me this, like, little oomph that it exists.
[00:01:34] What I'm looking for.
[00:01:37] I don't know. I don't know. So I'm just sharing that.
[00:01:40] Also, my, My other update with Sam is nothing.
[00:01:46] And yes, I know you guys. Like, I blocked him.
[00:01:50] I think as a woman, and I think we do this sometimes to ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure.
[00:01:57] Like, we have a secret hope that, that maybe, like, if. If they really wanted to, they would find a way they. That. That maybe they up and are planning some big apology.
[00:02:18] But honestly, like, no, I mean, I'm not. I'm not expecting that. And I'm not surprised that that has not happened. It just. There's that little bit of hope in you that hopes that there'll be some grand gesture or acknowledgement of what happened.
[00:02:38] But, you know, if I'm being honest, like, I think the word. And I think I've said this before, that comes to mind when I think of Sam is selfish. And that's a really harsh word, I think, for me to use. But like, someone that really is only concerned about their.
[00:03:00] Their life, their well being, their needs, and not even aware of anybody else. And while maybe that's not him in general, it feels like that's him in this dance.
[00:03:16] And that sucks. And yes, do I wish there was like, flowers at the door with a note of like, I really fucked up. I don't expect you to apologize or I don't expect you to accept my apology, but I just wanted to know you to know that you're not an after. Like, I don't know anything. And I think that is a stupid.
[00:03:38] I think it's just a stupid hope.
[00:03:42] But that I think, I don't think I'm alone in this, like, wish that, you know, there's acknowledgement of fault in any relationship.
[00:03:58] Not that it was a relationship, but like friendship, companionship, every anything and accountability.
[00:04:07] And I understand if, if you don't agree with my perspective on it, but it's still my perspective and it's still how I see things. And you know, if you disagreed, it would be lovely to know.
[00:04:24] But.
[00:04:25] So hopefully this is the last time I talk about Sam.
[00:04:33] I do appreciate you guys. Like, there's been a lot of people reaching out that have been like, like really, that were really rooting for him.
[00:04:43] And I've gotten several messages saying they were, you know, like, from people saying, like, God, I'm sorry that didn't work out. That sucks. Because like, they could see that I was hopeful and they could see, like, it felt kind of fairy tale romance to me. And I think as practical and as old as I am, we still kind of want that.
[00:05:07] But yeah.
[00:05:10] All right, so I am up to date for out of my 25.
[00:05:16] I'm going to count to a Sam. And then I told you guys last week I had a really good first date with Cody.
[00:05:22] And so let me fill you in on that.
[00:05:27] So great first date, great conversation.
[00:05:32] We had a date on a Saturday and then we were supposed to have a follow up date that Wednesday.
[00:05:41] And throughout the week, like really just Monday, I was getting a lot of texts from him and I told you guys, like, I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the text and the need to talk on the phone. And I had asked him, I said, please don't listen to the podcast because it's kind of like my diary. And he had, he said, you know, no problem. Like, I have no problem not listening to it. You deserve your sanctuary in your space, which is really sweet. So. So the text progressed and it was a lot to me. To me it was a lot of like surface questions like your favorite color or your favorite type of chocolate or your favorite snack, which are fine things to ask. But.
[00:06:40] And I, and I maybe talked about this, but like when you ask somebody like that question, like, what's your favorite chocolate? Like, I could just be like, my response to him, cause I was getting annoyed, was anything but white chocolate. But like, I have an answer for it. And I have like, I could say like, I like specifically dark chocolate with creamy peanut butter. Or I like, like I can dive into that. But like responding on a text to what's your favorite chocolate? Like, it's a conversation. I don't know. And I could be like, I don't like this and this and this is why. Or I could tell a story about how my grandma, my mom, used to make homemade chocolates, and it makes me think of Christmas and, like, asking very surface questions. Like, I'm going to give a surface answer, but to me personally, that's not how you get to know someone.
[00:07:33] So I can answer all day long, but then I'm becoming, like, annoyed, so I get a question. You know, favorite chocolate, favorite salty snack. And now I'm like. I'm like, I don't know anything. I don't discriminate. Like, and I'm kind of like, I've almost now stopped asking questions back to him because I'm like, you.
[00:07:55] I'm hoping he is aware enough to, like, kind of pick up, like, okay, she's not super engaged in this, but, like, I didn't want to also, like, shut them down.
[00:08:07] Plus, because, like, I knew we had another date, and I really did enjoy the date.
[00:08:14] So I.
[00:08:18] I'm gonna pull up my text of what I sent because, like, the red flags were going up, and maybe I didn't handle this perfectly, but I thought I was being honest. And then he's like, do you prefer a bath or shower?
[00:08:35] And I said, you know, I think a bath because I don't have a bath. Like, my. My kids have a bath, but, like, I don't take a tub often, and so it's a treat.
[00:08:47] And I asked him, like, so you. And he says he likes showers, blah, blah, blah, blah. He says, so then he responds, he says, if we ever go anywhere on vacation, the hotel or Airbnb must have a bath.
[00:08:58] And this is where I went from. Like, okay, we've been on one date, and you're, like, kind of peppering me with questions to now we're taking a vacation, and we now need a place with a bath. Like, it went. It just went too far.
[00:09:12] And I'm not planning our wedding. I'm not planning our vacations. I'm like, I'm truly just, like, I'm interested in this person. I want to get to know you. But.
[00:09:23] And I. And I did not say this, but, like, I get to know people. Like, it takes time. Like, you can't just, like, expect to be somebody's person after one date.
[00:09:35] So I sent a text and I said, this is too much.
[00:09:38] I said, I love that you want to get to know me, but getting to know each Other by time spent in conversation is how we can see if we have a connection.
[00:09:47] This feels slightly invasive, impatient. And information gathering versus wanting to really learn about someone. It just isn't feeling good to me.
[00:09:56] And he says, okay, I'll back off. I was just trying to be cute with that last comment. I understand where you're coming from.
[00:10:02] And I don't hear anything else from him that night. And I get, like, if anybody ever, like, when people shut you down, like, like, it stings and you want to take some time. But, like, I, I don't know. I, I, I thought at least, like, I was communicating where I was coming from and that, like, by communicating that you. He was being too much. It was being kind. Like, because if I just kept playing along, like, and that. And I'm, and I'm annoyed. That's not going to help anything.
[00:10:35] Anyways, so the next day, I, like, we text a few little things, but nothing really. And then he asked to reschedule Wednesday, which was fine.
[00:10:47] I thought I could do Thursday. And then I asked to reschedule to Friday.
[00:10:53] And, like, he's not, he's not texting, but he's like, like, we're kind of. But not like, the extreme.
[00:11:02] The day we're supposed to have a date or the next. Anyways, Thursday, I get a text that says, good morning, Tracy. I hope you're having a great day. I'm not feeling this. I hope you find what you're looking for. Best of luck.
[00:11:17] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, clearly, clearly, clearly I have offended you.
[00:11:27] And you go from telling me your, like, I've got a spell on you to wanting to know everything about me to now you're not feeling it.
[00:11:35] Like, I put up a boundary, and now that doesn't work for you.
[00:11:42] This is what dating is like. Like, like it blows my mind.
[00:11:50] Like, we're gonna have a date the next day. Like, you can just, just give it a little space and let's see how date two goes. And maybe, maybe we have the conversation about, like, how we like to communicate, because he asked me at one point, what is your love language? And it's quality time spent.
[00:12:08] That's not quality time spent texting. It's like, I like to spend time with people.
[00:12:14] Like, that's what gets me excited. And it gets me excited. Like, it's, it's all of who I am.
[00:12:20] And, but, but we didn't even have that opportunity because it felt so surface in the text.
[00:12:29] And I think he's a really good guy, but he did Say he asked these kinds of questions through text so he can remember them. But to me, the questions weren't even something you need to remember. I don't care if you remember what my favorite cereal is.
[00:12:45] I want to get to know somebody for who they are.
[00:12:48] And what they like is not.
[00:12:52] I mean, it builds upon their character, but. But it's not any bit of substance.
[00:13:01] You know, he says he's not information grabbing.
[00:13:03] It's literally me getting to know you. I feel like I can't be myself when it comes to that. That wasn't a conversation on why I asked so many questions.
[00:13:11] So now it's back to me.
[00:13:14] Why didn't you ask me why I asked so many questions?
[00:13:21] And I, and I, you know, for a minute, like, I took that personally and I, and I, I apologize because, sure, I, I could have asked that question. But, like, if, if you communicate in this way, then why didn't you tell me? Like, this is how I like to communicate. Like, I just said, you know, I wish the best of luck to you too.
[00:13:44] And then he had to come back with clarification and he said, I felt there was an initiative on your end to get to know me after a date. I do like talking on the phone because I can create that concrete connection. Plus, I enjoy hearing voice.
[00:13:59] I know I come off as eager to get to know you, and I'm sure most men don't do that. So there's a couple red flags for me.
[00:14:08] And eager is good. Overly eager.
[00:14:12] It's. It was, and it was just too much and I tried to communicate it was just too much and tried to communicate that, like, I build connections through in person conversation, which he didn't pick up on. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It was one date.
[00:14:33] But, like, this is what it's like. Dating is that, like, you have a good first date, you think, you think you might have a connection with someone, and because you don't meet them exactly where they are, the thing blows up.
[00:14:54] What a cluster. Well, like, I'm not, I'm not sweating it. It's just, it's just one of those, like, thorn in your sides. Like, it's just this, like, ugh, this is why I don't want to do this.
[00:15:07] Like, I. This is why I don't want to date.
[00:15:11] Like, it just, you put all this effort and energy into something.
[00:15:15] Not that it was all, but, you know, like, still, like, it was probably, let's say six hours of time between the texting and the date. And, like, Six hours. Like, I'm, you know, people, we all like. I don't have time to work out. Like, well, with six hours in two weeks, like, I could be a bodybuilder. I don't know. It's just like, it just.
[00:15:38] It just is annoying.
[00:15:40] And then I had another date last week because why the not. I'm trying to meet somebody. And it was fine.
[00:15:50] We had a beer and it was just kind of like a business lunch. Kind of felt like. Like there was definitely no chemistry. There was no banter. I mean, it was. He was a very nice man, but not worth a follow up. So four dates down, 21 to go.
[00:16:14] Oh, my God. It, like, makes, like, why did I create this challenge for myself? Makes me just, yeah, want to, like, reset, start over.
[00:16:24] It's also summer, so I don't know. Seasonal dating is a thing. Like, I think a lot of people like to date in a winter because, you know, it's like, what are we going to do? Like, let's just stay in, make out, watch a movie.
[00:16:39] Summer.
[00:16:40] I think people are, like, out with their friends or out cheaping. They're out, I don't know, doing all the summer things. Biking. I feel like fucking Colorado. Like, everybody's doing a thousand activities, so I feel like summer is even harder to date. Oh, God. I'm just like.
[00:16:59] Anyways, yeah, there. There's my.
[00:17:05] There's my dating story for the week, and I think that's plenty.
[00:17:12] All right, so I definitely have some funnies for this week. All right. Like, I have a handful of them. Okay. This guy is 55 years old.
[00:17:21] His profile says self employed, looking for fun, cuddling up with a young lady, age 30 to 55. So you have to be younger than him. Age 30 to 55 years. Enjoy good healthy food.
[00:17:35] Looking for casual, sweet love, friendships, companionship, relationships, fun, joy, love, harmony.
[00:17:45] Go fuck yourself.
[00:17:50] See, I'm like, I turned into the angry, bitter person.
[00:17:58] We got some more selfies. In the mirror with a towel on. Pass.
[00:18:09] Okay, you guys, this is. This is my favorite.
[00:18:13] This guy's 56.
[00:18:16] Okay?
[00:18:17] Christian loved God.
[00:18:20] Maybe he loves God. Loved God, loves people deeply, wants to find his best friend.
[00:18:30] No sex until marriage.
[00:18:32] If you're gay and want a man, I am not interested.
[00:18:38] Okay, wait, hold on. You're 56 and you're saying no sex until marriage.
[00:18:44] Like, have you been married before or have you. Are you 50? Are you 56 and a virgin?
[00:18:50] Okay, And I'm not. I mean, I'm not judging your religion, okay. I'm judging a Little bit. Because like you're 56. Like have you really sustained your entire life? And, and you hope at 56 you're going to get married.
[00:19:06] Like I don't even know what to make of that. Like that's, that makes me sad again. Like this other guy, he ends his, he ends his profile with be sane and be sober.
[00:19:25] I think if I was sober I would not be sane.
[00:19:30] Yeah. So.
[00:19:34] Oh, Herb. Herb. Herb. Not Herb. Not like parsley. Herb, Herb, Herb.
[00:19:44] This gentleman, I might have to post his picture but he is 54 and he looks like he's 74.
[00:19:52] He's a amicably but divorced. 50, 50. Co parent of his 10 year old daughter. Oh my God. He like literally, you guys, this guy looks like he could be your. He could be my grandfather. He looks older than my dad.
[00:20:07] So that's why I have not matched with anybody new. Because I'm not waiting to have sex until I'm married. Because I'm not gonna get married. I'm not gonna marry a 54 year old that looks older than my dad. I'm not saying. And sober neither.
[00:20:23] So. Yeah.
[00:20:27] Oh God.
[00:20:29] Wish me luck. You guys.
[00:20:32] I might take, you know, a week or two off to reset. I also have a trip planned. So like, you know, dating while you're with your kids on vacation is probably not the best thing.
[00:20:43] But I mean maybe they're. They're. My advocates are trying to find me somebody too. So.
[00:20:49] We'll see. I'll keep you guys posted. But anyways, I appreciate everybody listening and.
[00:20:58] Yeah, and I appreciate everybody reaching out about Sam and the, you know, words of encouragement and love and you know, it. It matters to me. And while I like joke and have fun about this, it's still my life and I'm still looking for that. So getting burned over and over just, it's. It can be a lot. So I appreciate everybody's thoughts and energy and.
[00:21:26] Yeah, I will talk to you guys next week and have a lovely week. Thanks.
