Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there. Welcome to flirting after 40. Sorry, you guys. Last week I ran into some technical difficulties and I just, I was not feeling motivated. I was feeling kind of down in the dumps. So I just gave up.
[00:00:23] And not my proudest moment, but, you know, I think it happens to all of us.
[00:00:32] But it was the first one I missed and I felt kind of guilty about that and I'm, I'm sad. If you were waiting for an update, there wasn't really an update either. So I didn't feel that pressure to provide one because nothing had really been happening.
[00:00:50] So I did decide to take myself on a date and I went to the bar.
[00:00:57] So I'm going to count this as date 4.
[00:01:00] Since we were saying I had to have 25 days by the end of the year, which now I'm thinking might not really be achievable based on. That's a lot. And I'm kind of just in a dating funk where things just kind of suck right now. But I was like, you know, I'm going to go to the bar and I'm going to sit at the bar and maybe I'll meet somebody. And what ended up happening was this woman sat next to me and you could feel her energy. Like she was very rushed and very.
[00:01:38] Just seemed anxious.
[00:01:41] Sat down and immediately ordered a glass of wine and some food and was like, but I gotta hurry, I gotta go.
[00:01:47] And I didn't, I wasn't engaging. I was just on my own. And she ended up kind of like bumping into me and was like, oh, I'm so sorry, like I'm not myself. I didn't mean to bump into you. And I said, you know, like, no worries, like it's, it's fine. And I, I think I asked like, are you okay? Like you, you seem a little on edge or rushed or whatever. And she was like, yeah, I'm okay, but I'm, I'm, I shouldn't be here. But I just needed a break and I have to run to Trader Joe's and then I gotta get my kids and like, I'm just, you know. And then like kind of launched into her life story, which, well, not her life story, but her relationship story. And it was very similar to my old story. She has a two and a four year old and was just, she's like, all the pressure is on me to do all the things and I have to, you know, get the food, pick them up, make the dinner, feed them, and, you know, he doesn't do anything. And this, it's not exactly my story, but clearly this, this poor woman was just in a state of like, not disrepaired, but just like she was overwhelmed.
[00:03:12] She was overwhelmed by her life and her responsibilities and that her partner was not contributing equally to what she was going through.
[00:03:22] And you know, I never want to ever give unsolicited advice or feedback, but, you know, I kind of was like, yeah, you know, I went through something very similar and you know, not quite the same, but I've been divorced almost eight years and we're great co parents and I think my kids are well adjusted and I think, you know, we've made a bad situation. Good. And then, you know, she was talking that she's the breadwinner and she was just worried that he would want all of her money. And what did I do? And honestly, this conversation was probably a total of 15 minutes, but it was just me listening to her and trying to reassure her that, you know, whatever she decided to do would. She would figure it out. And, you know, we can all make more money. We can, we can all like, take our lives in our hands and improve upon it if we want to.
[00:04:30] You can stay, you can leave, you can, but you have options. And you know, the options at the time might feel like it's the end of the world, but most likely it won't be. And most likely you will end up on the other side, stronger, happier and better, you know. And you know, I know a lot of people stay in relationships for their children, which I, you guys have heard me say this before. I, I don't understand.
[00:05:03] I think, I mean, I want my children to see what a happy life looks like with or without a partner. I want my children to see what a good relationship looks like. And if you're not in a good relationship, you're setting like, you're setting your kids up to like fail. They're. They're seeing that and that's what they assume is a healthy relationship. I mean, I want my kids to see me joyful with someone and working together with someone and supporting each other.
[00:05:37] And they weren't seeing that in, you know, my kids were little, but I was, I was worried that they, that they would think that the relationship they saw and that I was in that they, that that's what they would strive for, but I want them to strive for more. So I, I talked a little bit about that with her too. And anyways, at the end, like, she had to run. She's like, I really have to go, go to Trader Joe's, you know, got up, gave me this big hug and just thanked me for talking to her, which was really sweet. And so I didn't meet a man that night. I met this woman that needed to talk to somebody and I'm counting that as a successful date.
[00:06:28] You know, like, maybe, I don't know, maybe I was in the right place at the right time to talk to her. And I don't know what's going to happen in her life, but. But I hope she chooses herself and her own happiness and can either work it out with her partner or figures out what she wants to do.
[00:06:50] So that's my big woohoo dating update again. I feel like I have just hit that wall where I'm like, if I wasn't doing this podcast, I would be just like, write it off for the next like six months and just be like, fuck it, I'm not dating anybody. I'm not looking and just be done.
[00:07:13] But I am doing this podcast and I was talking to a friend of mine and I, I was saying, like, I just got off Facebook dating. I don't want to open another dating app. I don't want to. I just don't want to do it. Like, I have zero just motivation there. And we got to talking and I was, I kind of.
[00:07:39] Anyways, we got to talking and we came up with this plan where she was going to be my matchmaker and that I. Oh. So I opened up a hinge account and I put in, you know, my basic information, but I did it with her phone number and her email and I set my name as Tracy's friend.
[00:08:07] So it's very clear.
[00:08:09] Hopefully some of these men aren't super smart, but it's very clear to these men that they are talking not to me, but to my friend.
[00:08:17] And then I let her write, like, fill in the blanks for my profile, like, like whatever she wanted to write.
[00:08:26] And honestly, I haven't looked, but she did send me. Let me pull this up. Okay. So I had to open it, but I have not looked at all.
[00:08:35] So she wrote for me. It says, this year I really want to find my person. But it became discouraging and I shut down all dating apps. That's when my girlfriend offered to manage the process on my behalf. She knows me well and will help narrow the field.
[00:08:51] Oh, and okay to have somebody, you know, write your dating profile. It's a little vulnerable and I really, like, I'm like, my heart is happy.
[00:09:06] She wrote, my greatest strength is badassery.
[00:09:11] I'm a business owner in a male dominant dominated industry. I'm a single mom and I'm intensely loyal to my family and friends.
[00:09:19] Then there's my softer side that loves laughing, hosting yuca parties, and being poolside. Like, that is a great summary of me. And I don't know, like, why can't. Why not? And honestly, like, if she wants to go through the hell of dating apps on my behalf, I will happily let her.
[00:09:44] And I think, like, I mean, why not? Like, and I think for a man, like, I was worried, I was like, oh, like, either. Either this is going to be, like, cool or people are going to be freaked out or think you're crazy or I'm crazy and not respond.
[00:10:03] But it sounds like she's been chatting with a couple people and, like, she has not been telling me about it.
[00:10:12] So, you know, the other day, she's like, remind me of your age range, you know, I'm like, oh, Lord, what are you gonna get me into? But anyways, she did say, like, it's a shit ton of work.
[00:10:27] And she. She was talking to two people that she thought, like, could maybe be a.
[00:10:31] Maybe be promising. But, yeah, I was like, it is a shit ton of work.
[00:10:38] And a guy wrote to her and he said. And she did a screenshot for me, and he said, I feel like this would be the plot in a 90s movie if dating apps existed then. And she responded back, do you mean friend?
[00:10:51] Do you mean the friend managing the profile? And he's like, yes, and shutting down all the apps after creepy interactions anyways. And they go on to talk. But I just, I love her for wanting to do this for me. And, you know, she is married, so she's probably, you know, like, this will probably make her like. I mean, she's happily married, so she's not, like, doing this for her own pleasure. But this will probably make her remind her why she's. She's married and never remind her, like, never to get divorced. Because, like, honestly, spending two weeks on an app, like, you'll see all the. All the shit, and you'll be like, wow.
[00:11:36] Wow. Tracy wasn't lying.
[00:11:39] Not that I was, but it's. It's a little validating as well. So we will see how this goes.
[00:11:48] Her questions that she's been asking men are pretty intense.
[00:11:52] So I'm not sure, like, I'm not sure if we're going to get a lot of likes.
[00:12:00] Her question she's asked so far is, who is your favorite person in your extended family and why?
[00:12:07] And I think that's a good.
[00:12:10] That's a Good fishing question. Like, it allows people to tell you a little bit about their family and their upbringing and their life without really digging in and asking about their family dynamic.
[00:12:24] And then her other question was, if you were gifted $1 million and had to give half to a nonprofit, to nonprofit organizations, which would you choose and why? And I was like, holy shit, That's a really hard question.
[00:12:39] Like, I've never had somebody ask me that. And, like, I think I'm a giving person, but I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, what if she didn't like my answer? Like, I don't know. I think the point of it is just, though, to, like, get out of people, like, whether or not they are, you know, givers and, you know, they want to make an impact in their community and, you know, do they really think about these larger problems in the world and. And consider them.
[00:13:16] So I anyways, bravo to her, and I think.
[00:13:22] I think it's great.
[00:13:23] So time will tell, but in the latest development of this, today, someone passed her screening, and, you know, she asked, like, what would I, you know, like, if. Like, what should we do? Like, somebody.
[00:13:43] Somebody seems really, like, qualified. Qualified to date you, and they seem like a good person and they're in your age range, and I don't get any creepy vibes. I don't get anything crazy from them.
[00:13:58] Like, what. What would. How would you like to move forward? And I said, well, like, why don't, like, just give them my number? And I know single women out there. You're like, oh, my God, you gave somebody your number. Like, we never give our numbers away. But I didn't want to, like, have to get back on the app and see the conversations or even see his profile. Like, I wanted. I want to kind of go into it like a blind date. So I said, just give him my number.
[00:14:25] And she's like, okay. And I. And she. And I did say. I was like, I just, like, I don't want.
[00:14:33] I didn't. Sorry, I didn't say this to her, but I don't want the endless hours of texting and communicating on the app where.
[00:14:41] Wait, you. You obviously will find something you don't like, but, like, let's meet and see if there's a connection.
[00:14:51] So she gave him my number.
[00:14:56] I didn't hear anything. And then at like, 11:30 today, I got a email or, sorry, a text that said, I made the cut.
[00:15:04] You have nobody to blame but your friend if I suck.
[00:15:09] And I responded with, yeah, laughing face. Yeah, she knows that. Nice to meet you. And I said, we'll see if our little social experiment works. So, anyways, we texted a couple times back and forth, and it seemed to go well.
[00:15:27] He seemed very respectful and engaging and funny.
[00:15:32] So we set up a date for tonight, and we will see how it goes.
[00:15:38] I don't know. Like, there's something kind of fun about going into a date, too, and not knowing a lot about the person. Like, I know he has a job, I know he has a job, and I know he lives not too far from me. And I have seen one picture, and that is it.
[00:15:58] But, like, I don't know, it'll be a lot easier to spend an hour, hour and a half with this person tonight over a beer than hours and days and days and days of texting. So we will see if this little experiment works. I don't know. She's still looking. She's not giving up. So, you know, there's not a lot of eggs in the basket. But here's to matchmaking.
[00:16:28] I don't know if you guys have any good matchmaking stories. Let me know. I.
[00:16:32] I've never hired a matchmaker. I have never had a successful friend set me up, ever.
[00:16:41] No, I'm sorry. I have successful friends. Them setting me up has never worked.
[00:16:49] So.
[00:16:50] Yeah, keep your fingers crossed.
[00:16:53] All right, so my funny for the day is really hard because now I'm not on the dating app, so I don't get to see the atrocious, horrible profiles to share with you guys.
[00:17:06] So it's kind of going back. I always, you know, screenshot things that make me laugh or profiles that make me cringe.
[00:17:14] I was just scrolling back in my photos, and I came across one from, like, a year and a half ago where I wrote on the back of a bingo card, I was playing bingo with my friend at a country club, and I wrote on the back of the bingo card, it said, man needed. With my phone number.
[00:17:37] I don't. Clearly. I had been drinking at this part and. Okay, there's so many things wrong with this. Like, man needed. No, there is not. A man needed. A man wanted.
[00:17:49] But then I'm like. Also, I would say, like, most men don't play bingo.
[00:17:55] It's usually all women.
[00:17:59] And I put my phone number on the back of a bingo card.
[00:18:03] Well, I. I have to report that after a year and a half of that bingo card being out out in the world, no man has. Has reached out to me. So scratch that off your list of ways to meet men.
[00:18:18] And then I found this. I had taken a picture of it looks like. Like, I took a picture of the TV and there was this stat about dating. And it. And it said, the least dateable women live in Phoenix, which I lived outside of Phoenix for a couple years. Least dateable women.
[00:18:42] Best place to find love is in Milwaukee.
[00:18:45] Like, why Milwaukee?
[00:18:49] I don't know. I mean, like, I'm from Michigan, so, like, it's not that far.
[00:18:54] I wonder what Milwaukee brings to the table. Like, maybe because it's cold a lot of the year and, like, you want to snuggle. I don't know.
[00:19:04] Worst place to find love, Denver.
[00:19:09] Like, it is a stat. Like, I'm not lying here. And. And even today, when I was. We're going to call them J Man. When I was talking to J Man, who I'm going out with tonight, you know, he referenced how bad Denver is to date.
[00:19:24] And it. I mean, truly, it really is. So, yeah, the least likely place to find love is where I live. Yay. Yeah, me.
[00:19:35] And then the least dateable men live in Philadelphia.
[00:19:42] I don't. I. I'm just curious. Like, I feel like any man I've met from Philadelphia is, like, a big sports fan, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I wonder what makes men bad in Philadelphia. If you guys have any insight, please reach out and share with me, because I don't. I don't really understand these. Except for the least likely place to find love is Denver.
[00:20:09] Now, I'm hoping, you know, like.
[00:20:12] Like any good study that is done that, you know, in five years, the data will have changed and Denver will be higher on the list of finding love. I hope.
[00:20:23] Or maybe I'll just.
[00:20:25] You know, I was gonna say just deal with it. Or maybe. Maybe I will be the.
[00:20:35] The one that breaks through and find. Finds love in Denver. I don't know. But, yeah, I would love to know what you guys think. And if you agree with this.
[00:20:44] Anyways, wish me luck on my date. I am not gonna, like, get all dolled up. We're gonna grab a drink. Nothing crazy.
[00:20:54] Maybe I should get dolled up because clearly my dates haven't been working out for me.
[00:21:02] All right, you guys, well, I will keep you updated and send some love to my matchmaker. Send her some. Some magic dust to find my man.
[00:21:14] Yeah, we'll see what she comes up with. So anyways, you guys, thank you so much for listening, and I hope you have a great week.
