Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. Welcome to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] I know everyone is eager for a CM update, and unfortunately, I don't have the best update. This is kind of a hard one for me because, like, I've been sharing with you guys now for a couple months, like, two months that I really got my hopes up.
[00:00:33] And, like, I felt like.
[00:00:40] Like he was. He was interested and I. And I can't figure this out.
[00:00:47] So my update.
[00:00:53] So last Wednesday, I had a date with him and it went amazing. It was amazing. I met him at his hotel where he was staying, and we met for drinks and he came down. I was already at the bar. He came down and, like, was a. Had a cute button up, like, looked really nice. Was, like, happy to see me. It was so easy and fun and, like, felt like no time had really passed.
[00:01:27] And it felt like, like the comfort that I had with him 17 years ago, I still had.
[00:01:37] And, like, we didn't have to necessarily have all the just kind of superficial conversations. Like, we could kind of just jump in and catch up and talk about things. And it. It was. I don't know, it was so fun. It was so nice.
[00:01:52] Had drinks and good banter about, like, the vodka we were drinking and did a vodka tasting with the bartender and flirty, fun, good banter. All the. All the things you want. He's like, He's. He's cute. He's. I mean, he's very handsome.
[00:02:12] Um, it was. It was easy. We then went and grabbed a bite to eat. Um, I wasn't feeling, like, super hot, so I didn't eat a ton. Um, but had dinner, had a glass of wine, and sat and talked and I don't know, like, people watched and it was really, really fun. Um, and then he had heard about a speakeasy by where we were. So we, you know, found this back door behind a parking garage and went and had some bourbon to close out the night. And it was flirty. It was fun. It was.
[00:02:53] Yeah, it was really great, you know, polite. He asked me if he can kiss me. Like, it was just. It was easy. It was really good.
[00:03:06] Go back up to his room. I end up staying. He asked me to stay, so I stay.
[00:03:10] Obviously broke my streak of no sex. So that was good and nice and spent the night and left in the morning and obviously very tired. I was exhausted. I think he was too. And. But he had said, like, I want to see you. Thursday I had a book signing to go to, so I was like, well, I can come by after I come by after, and I'm, like, all dressed up. Like, I've. I, I know you guys, like, don't know what I normally wear, but for me to, like, have a dress on and boots, it's like, I don't wear dresses all the time. But I, like, was cut it up because of the book signing and because, like, I knew I was gonna see him again.
[00:03:57] And so I, I get there to meet, and he's like, let me know when you're here. So I text and he comes down and gives me a side hug. And it was fine. But there was no acknowledgment that I looked nice.
[00:04:15] And I'm not a super vain person. I don't need.
[00:04:19] I don't need that attention all the time. But when I put in an effort, I mean, even when I went and grabbed drinks before the book setting with her friend, like, she was like, oh, my gosh, like, you look really cute. I love your dress.
[00:04:32] I don't know, it'd be nice to feel like somebody thought you were attractive.
[00:04:39] And, you know, I've told you guys, like, I, I think communication might be a challenge for him and I. Or for him.
[00:04:48] So anyways, I didn't, I didn't harp on it. I didn't say anything.
[00:04:54] We go, we get some noodles, have a beer. Like a super, very, like, super casual. We were tired. I mean, the, the dynamic felt different than on Wednesday, but I just contributed it to being tired. And, like, we were both kind of, like, low energy. We decided to, like, get a bottle of wine and watch a movie. And I stayed again.
[00:05:16] And I, I, I definitely feel like it was different.
[00:05:22] And I wish that, like, maybe I should have asked, like, why? What was different?
[00:05:29] I just. Yeah, I assumed we were tired. I assumed. And I also make the assumption that you're an adult. You're a man. Like, you can. If something's bothering you or you're not into me or you don't like something, you can tell me. Um, I was excited to see him, and I was excited to spend more time with him.
[00:05:49] The next day, he has to leave for the airport, and, I don't know, we, like, chatted a little bit. In the morning, I had a crazy dream about him while he was sleeping next to me. I don't know. Like, it was.
[00:06:02] It was nice.
[00:06:04] There was no talk of, like, a relationship or anything, but it wasn't. I, I didn't think it was just like a, like, let's fucking leave.
[00:06:13] I felt like there's something more significant, but, like, I'm not like, asking for. I wasn't asking for anything. I wasn't expecting anything.
[00:06:24] I was like, let me know when you get to the airport. And he let me know he made it.
[00:06:29] And I said, well, I'm glad you made it, but, you know, I could have used, you know, another couple hours with you, another day with you. Like, I had a good time.
[00:06:38] And I don't get a response back to that. And, okay, like, you're getting on a plane, you're flying, you're traveling, but I don't get a response all day. And I guess I shouldn't be surprised because you guys heard, like, I had this conversation with him a month ago about, like, no communication. And there's no follow through. And there's no. There's no.
[00:07:11] If you're thinking of someone, it takes 30 seconds to send somebody a text.
[00:07:18] Now if you're not thinking of someone, that's. That's fine too. But that's. That's a different reason.
[00:07:25] And, you know, his excuse before was that he was busy. Like, he was really busy, but that he would do better and he was doing better.
[00:07:35] So I'm like, okay, Trace, just let it go. Like, just.
[00:07:41] And I'm trying not to get in my head. So then the next morning I text him and I'm like, hope you got caught up on sleep and you feel like you're feeling really good or you're feeling better.
[00:07:58] And his response back is something along the lines of, yep, just woke up.
[00:08:05] I feel so much better.
[00:08:07] And that's it.
[00:08:09] There's no care for me.
[00:08:17] There's no compa. Equal compassion. There's no empathy. There's no communication. There's nothing. It's just about him.
[00:08:26] And it's. It. You know, like, you could say, I just woke up. I feel so much better.
[00:08:33] I hope you got some sleep too and got caught up. How are you? Like, one more sentence.
[00:08:41] And, like, I would have thought differently about the entire experience, but I don't get that. And. And I'm like, I'm not gonna.
[00:08:57] Like, just. Maybe he's busy. Tracy, calm. Calm down. Like, don't read more into it.
[00:09:03] Well, there's nothing to read into anything because there's nothing.
[00:09:07] And then it was Mother's Day. And for those that don't know, I have two. I have two boys, and I don't talk about them a lot on this, but, like, being a mom is, like, the hardest thing.
[00:09:23] I think us moms, as women do.
[00:09:28] It's grueling.
[00:09:29] It's just a lot.
[00:09:32] And it's the thing that, like, if you're ever gonna feel like you're failing in something, like, it's. You're failing your kids. But I don't, I just.
[00:09:46] Mother's Day is a really important. I think it's important for me and acknowledging the other mothers I know out there and to be acknowledged for just the hustle and for how hard it is.
[00:10:04] And I have, like, I've said the most amazing group of friends and people in my life. And I got tons of Mother's Day, like, greetings, like, happy, you know, just friends that I like that are equal moms. I've got. I got text from my son's friend wishing me a happy Mother's Day, like, so I assumed that Sam would at least acknowledge the day and that I am a mom.
[00:10:39] Yeah, I know I didn't birth your fucking kids, but you can say happy Mother's Day.
[00:10:45] And then I even got Sparky sent me a text, like, saying, happy Mother's Day and he hopes the kids are being nice to me, you know? And dude, like, he's not even somebody I talk to on the regular.
[00:11:01] He's definitely not somebody who I slept with two days ago.
[00:11:05] He not somebody that I've been talking to daily. Like, and Sam can't send me a goddamn message.
[00:11:12] And like, I felt again, just unseen, unloved.
[00:11:19] I felt like whatever the I thought was a great two days clearly wasn't because he doesn't have 30 seconds to acknowledge my existence and I don't have time for that.
[00:11:42] So I had made. Like, I'm like, I'm gonna block him. I've never. Okay, I've maybe blocked maybe two people. One I blocked and one I blocked for like a day or two. Like, I don't block people. I don't ever shut people out of my life.
[00:12:03] But this felt like just disrespect. Like, and why would I allow someone to have space in my thoughts, in my text, in my future that can't ask a follow up question? They can't care enough to send me a message.
[00:12:33] And, you know, I feel like even if it was a booty call, like, I would from anybody else, I still would have got a message.
[00:12:44] I mean, maybe I, maybe I'm delusional in how I thought the days went, but I don't think I am.
[00:12:52] And I'm just, I'm.
[00:12:54] I'm not available for people who want to treat me like an afterthought.
[00:13:01] So I blocked him. And because I can't just, like, block someone I Because that just feels really mean.
[00:13:08] I sent a text saying, like, I don't block people, but I'm gonna block you, and here's why.
[00:13:16] I feel like you.
[00:13:18] Your curiosity is not the same as mine about me. I feel like you're incapable of following through in all these. These ways. I need attention, and I don't need that much attention. I just need to feel respected.
[00:13:36] Like, somebody would have to have, like, destroyed me to block them or have been really creepy or, like, have crossed, like, a big boundary, but it's just.
[00:13:53] I don't have space for it, and. And I. I just kept waiting for him to text me back all weekend, and I knew he wouldn't, so I blocked him, and I explained why, and. I don't know. We'll see.
[00:14:16] I. Like, if he was really sorry or really wanted something or he was in a coma or.
[00:14:28] I don't know. Like, he texted me that he slept fine, so he's alive. I mean, he knows how he can get a hold of me. Like, if somebody really wants to get a hold of you, even if you're blocked, like, you can send me an email. You can send me something to my house. You can come to my house. Like. Like, it's not like I have shut down every avenue of communication, but, I mean, I put a boundary of, like, I will not be treated like this, and I'm not going to sit here and stare at my phone and hope that you're going to text me.
[00:14:56] So that's.
[00:15:00] That's Sam.
[00:15:02] And I'm sad, and I'm pissed, and I'm hurt, and I'm just disappointed.
[00:15:11] But what it did give me was this kind of renewed perspective of, like, oh, my God, like, I do really want someone. Like, it was really nice to go out, and it was really nice to sleep next to someone and wake up next to somebody. Like, do I want to do it all the time? No, I still want my space.
[00:15:33] Yes, I miss sex, so.
[00:15:38] But it reminded me why I'm doing this. And even though it didn't, nothing panned out with him. And I'm pissed and disappointed.
[00:15:48] It gave me this sense of renewal. And with that, I was like, well, I knew. I knew this was the way it was. Like, I felt it in my gut. Like, even Friday, like, this is where it's gonna go.
[00:16:05] So I was like, well, let's get back on. Let's get back on Facebook dating.
[00:16:09] And it was cute. Like, Friday night, I talked to a couple people, but I. I started talking with this guy. We're gonna Call him Cody.
[00:16:20] And it was just, just a nice like chat.
[00:16:25] We seem to get along. He has like good texting manners or I thought. And yeah, it was easy and nice and like, okay, like one door closes, another opens. Like, let's just try.
[00:16:42] So we set a date to go out and just grab a beer on Saturday. And. And so I am now at date number three out of my 25. So like when I get an idea in my head, let's, let's go.
[00:17:02] We met for a beer and it was super fun. It was a really, really nice time.
[00:17:09] He and I told him this like, looks like my brother in law, which is a little, A little hard for me to just get my head around a process.
[00:17:20] But a super like seemingly really genuine, really nice guy. Really funny.
[00:17:25] I was saying last week on the podcast that, that I think, I mean women or I want men that know how to create joy.
[00:17:33] And I don't think he had heard the podcast or knew who I was before, but he, during the day it said like his like one of his like life missions. His like passion is creating joy for others and creating joy in general. And I told him, I was like, that's really funny because I was just talking about that.
[00:17:55] We had a lot of, we have a lot of very similar beliefs in I think just like life and creativity and fundamentally like living a fun, good life. So it was, it was supposed to be an hour for beer and it was like two and a half hours.
[00:18:16] And I, I mean, I would say like, it was one of the best first dates I've had. Like, it was, it was really, it was really nice and it was, it felt easy and he was very complimentary and I, and I, I feel like I go from extreme. So I go from like the, the Sam who can't tell me I look nice to Cody, who is like telling me, like, you have such a good smile and like when you really smile, your nose gets this wrinkle in it. It's a, it's cute like you, you know, you look better in person than your pictures. Which he did say. He was like, well, that was kind of a bad hello. But like it was nice to feel seen.
[00:19:05] And it reminded me, you know too that like, just because two days ago I had a bad date doesn't mean that the next one will be like that.
[00:19:18] So you just got to keep showing up now.
[00:19:27] I did and I think spirit sparking my shame me for this. Told Cody about the podcast, which I don't know if the right thing, but we were talking about Creative outlets and things like that. And so he listened this weekend, which I kind of said, I don't know if you should listen. Like, sometimes stories are better firsthand. But he went through and listened, which I think is fine. But my fear is that it makes him feel like he knows me when he doesn't.
[00:20:02] I am also going to see him tomorrow night, and I'm going to ask him not to listen.
[00:20:10] I. Like, he has free will. He can decide to do whatever he wants to do. But to me, I'm like, I use this podcast, and I think you guys probably feel this, too. It's kind of like a diary. Like, I tell you the things that I think, and I might not tell that level of details to somebody. Like, I would tell them what I think, but I would probably be a little bit more politically correct about some of the things I say.
[00:20:37] So we'll see if. We'll see how this all pans out. I might just have to, like, not tell people I have a podcast till date five. I don't know.
[00:20:45] But. But yesterday he went a little bit. Little text crazy, and he's really. He's very eager. And that's. That's sweet, but I went from nothing to, like, a thousand. And I'm like, I. I am busy. I. I have a job, and I have another thing I'm working on, and I have this, and I have my kids, and I have a house, and I have a dog, and I work out, and I do all the things. So I'm not, like, able to text 50 times, 100 times in a day.
[00:21:18] I mean, he's very sweet. He wants to get to know me, but it feels like, a lot, and it. And it's causing me, like, to. To pull. Want to pull away and to say, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, we just met.
[00:21:33] It was a great. It was a great first date.
[00:21:36] I'm interested. I'd like to see you again. But, like, I'm not.
[00:21:41] I don't know. I'm not needing to talk to you and all the time. And I know, like, I'm not asking. That's not what I was asking, Sam. I was just asking for a happy Mother's Day.
[00:21:54] So I guess it could be contradicting. But anyways, I mean, he. He wished me Happy Mother's Day. And I will say, even a couple other, like, I matched with somebody else, and yesterday, and they were like, hey, did you have a good weekend? I hope you had a nice Mother's Day.
[00:22:14] Oh, you guys.
[00:22:16] Like, I wish I could just Create this little fairy tale man that I need but want. I don't need them, but I want him anyways. So I will keep you Posted on date 3.
[00:22:29] I am a little. Like, I am a little. There's a couple red flags and we'll see where we go with it for those. I think everybody laughed when, you know, I told you guys early on, like, I don't like talking on the phone. And he asked me three times yesterday if he could call me. And I was actually busy. I was with my kids. I was driving and dinner and hanging out with my kids. So it didn't work, but three times. And it gave me that. It gave me anxiety and it made me. Yeah, it made me want to just like step way, way back. So.
[00:23:11] But I'm out there. I'm trying at least. Like I said, we'll have some store more stories for y' all, but yeah, wish me luck. Date three.
[00:23:23] Okay, so my funny, like I said, I don't have very many funnies because I was out on three dates last week. Anyways, this guy I match with, he says, hey, hey, cutie. I'm Greg. And I'm like, hi there. And he looks like a really, like, cute dude. And his response was, let's put it together.
[00:23:41] I don't even know what the fuck that means. Like, let's make a date.
[00:23:45] I didn't, I didn't respond.
[00:23:49] You guys all know how I love, like, people that can't use real words. Like, this guy had texted me or reached out and I said, good morning. Just a few days late. He says, lol, high sexy, period. Space, space, space, space, space.
[00:24:03] How the letter R. Yeah, like, these are not funny. It's just. It's just kind of annoying, right? I have one more funny, and this is not funny. I just feel bad for this guy. And, and I'm. Okay, I'm judging. So you can just judge me for judging. He says he never. I never drink or get altered. I'm a very allergic to cats.
[00:24:28] Oh, and I don't like eating at restaurants.
[00:24:33] That makes me sad. Doesn't that make you guys sad? Okay, like, I can get the drinking or altered but not eating at restaurants or. Guy, sorry for the depressing news slash decent news.
[00:24:45] I don't know what a weird week it was, but I appreciate you guys. Thank you for listening. Share this with somebody that doesn't listen.
[00:24:57] Yeah, and I will keep you posted on how date three, maybe four or I don't know, let's see if we can rack them up. Goes. Have a great day.
