Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Sam.
[00:00:31] Hi there. It's Tracy. Welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:36] So as a reminder, I'm 45.
[00:00:41] I.
[00:00:43] There was a post on. I think it was Instagram, and it was old, Old names. You know, people with old names, according to Gen Z.
[00:00:55] And Tracy was on the list. You guys, like, I.
[00:01:01] Oh, my gosh. Am I like a. So my mom's name is Joyce. Like, am I a Joyce? Is that. Is that where we are now?
[00:01:11] I'm sad. I don't want to have an old name. Okay, I'm gonna read some of them. Ashley, Amanda, Jessica, Stephanie, Jennifer, Christy, Tracy, Stacy, Amy, Crystal, Angela, Kelly, Lisa, Jordan, Michelle, Shelley, Laura, Lori, Kathy, Tammy, Heather, and Angie.
[00:01:29] So ladies that fall into that, please, please know I'm with you.
[00:01:39] Old names, it's the aging. It's coming for us. It's coming for us all. And I swear to God, it's like.
[00:01:51] I mean, I know. I think dating is hard for everybody these days, but I don't know, I think it's a special place in hell for us that are over the age of 40. I swear, it just seems so much harder. And now. Now I've been tagged with an old lady name.
[00:02:09] I don't think Tracy is. But I know. No, I mean, no one's naming their kids Tracy, you know, but. But it will have a resurgence, I'm sure, like in my kids generation or like when they have babies and then their babies have babies, Tracy will be popular again. So I'll be cool again in 50 years.
[00:02:29] Oh, my God. So I was not gonna talk more about Cody or Sam because I just.
[00:02:36] I'm kind of burnt out with all this.
[00:02:40] I did receive some hate. A hate text, I'm going to call it, from Cody about how he didn't.
[00:02:48] I'm just gonna. I'm gonna read part of it because I. I don't want to misinterpret or misrepresent him. However, my podcast is about my perspective. Just to remind everybody, he did listen, which he had said he wouldn't. He was mad that I didn't mention a few things, which I'm still not going to mention because I don't believe they're my place to mention. Like. Like, I believe that some things that people tell me are not. They're not here for everybody else. He said surface level questions, really? What if down the road, I wanted to know your favorite things so I could surprise you occasionally with things you like.
[00:03:25] But it makes sense why I got the answers. I did.
[00:03:28] You know, for me, like, I want to know about someone and me just texting them, asking them for their favorite things so that at some point I can get that for them. Like, it would come out in conversation. Like we would be having dinner and you'd be like, hey, like what's your favorite dinner? Like, or what's your favorite meal? Or what's your favorite dessert? Like, these things happen naturally by getting to know each other. He was mad that I. He said you set a boundary. I accepted it. What you didn't. What I didn't like was you didn't try to get to know me after you told me it was too much.
[00:04:04] And from my perspective to Cody, like, I was. Like I was. We had a date set up.
[00:04:11] I was gonna see you again. I do better in person than texts or calls. But okay, he did say I wouldn't.
[00:04:25] I would have expected you to be more transparent on your podcast on the details.
[00:04:31] You left out some of it. And I. And just so you know, this is how dating is for men too.
[00:04:36] Well, for clarification for everyone, I'm not here to divulge all the details of our relationship.
[00:04:46] There are things that I think are patterns. There are things that I want women to know they're not alone or men to know they're not alone. And it is not my intent in this podcast to share every detail with everyone.
[00:05:05] He did judge me.
[00:05:09] He did judge me for judging the guy that didn't was that was waiting to have sex. That was a 55 or 54 year old man that was waiting to have sex until marriage. He said he set a boundary like you did with me regarding text and you brought him down about it. Seems contradicting, don't you think?
[00:05:28] Sure, I suppose. But like, I'm not gonna date a guy that has a boundary that he's not gonna have sex with somebody before he's married. Like, it is good to have boundaries. It is good to to explain those boundaries and then someone can choose whether or not they're comfortable with that boundary.
[00:05:46] Clearly, Kody was not comfortable with the boundary of I don't want to be asked all these little questions. I would rather get to know you in person. So clearly my boundary. I said he was not okay with.
[00:06:03] Anyways, I sent back a equally aggressive as aggressive email or text and it was one of those things like, you know when you're like, don't do it, don't do it. Just let it go, let it go. And you just can't.
[00:06:19] That's where I was. I was like, oh, I just can't not Respond.
[00:06:24] That's not a good feeling either.
[00:06:27] And I did. And then I got like a peace sign later that day. I did. Or the next day, I. I apologize. Because, like, we don't. You know, it was one date. Like, we don't need to hash all this out. Like, it didn't work. Like, we can let it go.
[00:06:43] And I'm trying to be better at that now. The, The. The. The Sam thing, like, again, this dude does not deserve my time or energy.
[00:06:54] However, you know, we're. Got a quiet moment sometimes you think back to conversations you had or.
[00:07:02] So what I. What I was thinking about is, you know, when someone tells you who they are, you should believe them.
[00:07:09] When someone shows them who you are, you should believe them.
[00:07:13] And oftentimes we. If we don't like what we think we're seeing, we. We gloss over it and we're like, well, maybe they had a bad day or we make excuses.
[00:07:25] But. But truly, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
[00:07:29] And I thought. I was thinking back to the moment when it had been like a week and a half or two and I hadn't heard from him. And. And you guys, I talked about this where I was pissed, and like, I launched. I sent a. You know, I mean, not a mean text, but a text saying, like, here's what I expect if you're interested, and if I don't hear from you, I don't think you're interested, and that's fine, but I'm done. I'm not playing this game.
[00:07:57] And if you recall, he was. He apologized, but he didn't apologize. And it was, sorry, I'm sorry you felt that way, and I'll do better.
[00:08:08] So when I was in. When he was in town and we were hanging out, somehow we were talking about. I don't know how it came up. Porn.
[00:08:16] And he was saying how he had to get a vpn. Vp, he had to VPN into California in order to watch porn in Texas.
[00:08:28] I'm like, is porn illegal in Texas? And I looked that up and. And it's not. It's just. You have to be 18 or older. And they just.
[00:08:36] In order to control it, they just block certain sites when you are logged in from a Texas address.
[00:08:45] So Sam was saying how he was trying to watch porn when he was at work.
[00:08:50] Not at work, but like, when he was traveling for work, and he couldn't watch it when he was in Texas. And then he had to figure out how to get a vpn, how to. A VPN in so he could watch Porn. This was the same time that I wasn't hearing from him, that he was so busy that he couldn't find 30 seconds to text me. But.
[00:09:15] But he was able to figure out a VPN to watch porn and get off. Like, and. And, you know, at the time he was telling me the story, I wasn't necessarily putting it together. And. And I've had some quiet moments, so your brain just, you know, kind of goes back and makes those connections.
[00:09:40] And, I mean, I don't have anything. I don't have anything to say about porn. Like, I don't. I don't have a problem with it. This is not about porn. This is about the fact that the guy who told me and showed me he. I was on a priority, like, validated it again.
[00:10:04] And, you know, I just wish. And I hope. I wish that I would have listened to my gut and listened and just blocked and moved on, you know, a month and a half ago.
[00:10:20] I mean, we can't go back, but, you guys, like, please, please, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
[00:10:27] You're not going to change them. They're not going to change. I mean, I. I do. Even with. Even with Cody. Like, I try to give.
[00:10:38] Like, I don't want to be a dick. Like, I try to give grace, and I don't even know why. Like, because I feel like maybe I should just shut down right away, too.
[00:10:51] Like, he did. Like Sam did. I don't know. Like, maybe I'm just allowing too much time and too much grace.
[00:11:01] All right, so, gentlemen and ladies.
[00:11:08] I received a text at one point, and the text asked me, does size matter?
[00:11:21] You know, yes, but. Okay, I didn't know how to answer this. I was like, well, no. I mean, yes, no, yes, no. And we're talking about dick size here. You know, it was from a guy. Does size matter?
[00:11:37] My response was yes and no.
[00:11:40] I think it's more along the lines of, like, what you do with it than how big you are.
[00:11:48] But I can't. I can't say it doesn't matter.
[00:11:52] In college, there was a guy I dated that it was just really, really small. And. And we were in college, so I'm guessing he wasn't very well. Maybe he was super experienced, I don't know. But it wasn't good.
[00:12:05] So I can't say no, it doesn't matter.
[00:12:08] I think actually being too big matters than being average, because if you're too big, like, that can cause its own challenges.
[00:12:21] But it was interesting to receive this text, and I'm curious Like, do guys really think about this a lot? Does it really impact or influence them?
[00:12:35] And I felt really bad because his. This guy's response, you know, to mine was that somebody had once told him that it wasn't big enough, and that that made me feel bad for him.
[00:12:51] And I don't think I would ever, like, I would never just, like, flat out be like, no, like, your dick is not big enough for me. Like, that doesn't.
[00:13:01] I mean, if you're terrible in bed, you're terrible. Like, I could be like, you're terrible in bed. But I don't think it would ever be solely based on size because there's a lot more that goes into it. And then, you know, I looked up, like, average dick size, penis size, whatever we're calling to call it, and hard. It's like 5.1 to 5.5 inches.
[00:13:27] During this text exchange, this guy did send me the size of his dick, and he apparently is above average.
[00:13:34] So I'm not sure if.
[00:13:38] I'm not sure necessarily the feedback he received or if the woman just wasn't into him. And that was a way of, like, letting him down.
[00:13:47] But I was also curious, like. And I asked a friend, like, do you know how, like, do you know the size of your man's dick? They're married.
[00:13:58] I asked this to two women, actually, and one was like, no, I don't. I don't. It's just good.
[00:14:05] And I'm like, he hasn't told you? Like, you haven't measured his dick? No.
[00:14:10] And the other was like, oh, no. My husband's definitely above average.
[00:14:15] He's. He's well equipped.
[00:14:18] But, like, is this a thing? Like, do. Do people measure? Do women know the size of their man?
[00:14:26] I mean, I. I don't know. I. I'm just. I was so intrigued by this. And.
[00:14:31] And I also felt bad. I feel like, you know, like, for. For a man to worry about that, that feels like, oh, that just gives me. That gives me anxiety for them. Like, I wouldn't. I don't know. I just think, like, guys, like, if you know what you're doing, if you don't know what you're doing, let's learn. Let's, you know, learn.
[00:14:54] But I think it's about what you do with it, not the size of it.
[00:15:00] I did have a guy I dated for a really long time.
[00:15:05] Lieutenant. The Lieutenant. And we have. We'll have lots of stories about him, but I would say he was very average.
[00:15:12] And he was amazing.
[00:15:15] He was, like, the best lover I've ever had. And it wasn't based on size. It was based on enthusiasm and trying something new. And, like, he. He worked his ass off for it.
[00:15:34] I don't know. I think that matters way more than size.
[00:15:38] Okay, maybe. Maybe I'm alone here.
[00:15:41] I don't know. I. So I guess I would say, yes, size matters, but what you do with it matters more.
[00:15:49] But I'm really interested. I'm really interested to hear. Also, like, we didn't talk about circumference.
[00:15:56] Like, are you a pencil? Are you long and skinny? Are you fat? I don't know. Like, I think also, like, let's just maybe take the length. Like, if we're going to take length into consideration, let's take circumference into consideration.
[00:16:14] I almost think that that might matter more. But who am I? I'm definitely not a penis dick expert.
[00:16:26] Oh, my gosh. Okay, so no new dates this. This week. Nothing. Nothing really new to report to you guys except the hate mail and revelations.
[00:16:36] All right, so our funnies for the day. Well, okay, I have a couple funnies. One specifically. So on my Facebook, flirting after 40.
[00:16:46] I.
[00:16:47] I got on there, like, let's scroll. Like, I am part of some podcast groups and things like that, but nothing crazy. And all of a sudden now I've been inundated with when, you know, like, date your age. Or it was dating after 60, and I don't know who they're trying to attract. I think it's like a scam. They're trying to attract men. But there's this older woman. Apparently she's over 60 in this dress, her boobs hanging out, and she spread eagle like her coochie is on display.
[00:17:19] And I didn't think. I didn't know on Facebook, like, you could show your.
[00:17:24] Like, I didn't know nudity. I. I didn't think nudity was allowed on Facebook. And maybe things are changing.
[00:17:30] Um, but okay, it's clearly not for women because, like, I'm not, like, I'm not going to click on them. Be like, yeah, I want to join that group. Like, so are just older men join. Like, is it prostitutes? I don't know. Dating after 40 and Facebook. So I might have to start Dating After 60 on Facebook.
[00:17:53] I've been inundated with, like, that kind of shit.
[00:17:57] Gross. All right, so this guy likes me and, oh, I had to get back on raw a little bit just to see the clusterfuck of people.
[00:18:08] This is what his about me says was, you want, like, W H A T Z. Was you want it's up to you to make the better choice and choose sides.
[00:18:23] Don't be shy and go after your man who makes you smile and shall we enjoy each other and everything?
[00:18:33] Like what? Like, can you write a sentence?
[00:18:38] Like, I, I. Okay, this, this other guy says, you know, if you. There's a prompt. If you check my browser history, you will find random questions in porn. Like, okay, I just said I don't have a problem with porn, but I'm not going to select to like you or to want to date you or get to know you better if you immediately talk about porn.
[00:19:04] Can we, can we just, can you guys just have a little bit of self awareness where that does not enter your profile.
[00:19:13] This guy on Facebook dating, he seemed like, nice. Like, I, I liked him.
[00:19:18] But his intro to me was, hey, where did you grow up and what were you like in high school? Tracy?
[00:19:25] And okay, maybe I'm being way too. Maybe this is why I'm single. Maybe I'm being way too picky. But like, I was in high school, I don't know, 30 years ago, almost 30 years ago, 28 years ago. Who the cares like, what, what I was like, in high school. Like, okay, maybe it matters. I don't know, maybe there's some, some psychology behind what you were like in high school and like what you are like now. But like, no, I just, that just feels exhausting. Like, I just want to.
[00:20:04] I don't know, I wish, I wish I could maybe help men, right? Their intros and their, like, I just, it's like, I just want somebody to be like, hey, you look really pretty in your pictures and you seem super smart. What do you do? What do you, like, what do you do for a living? You look like, I don't know, maybe make a. I don't know. I don't know.
[00:20:27] It's just, you guys, it's exhausting. Well, you guys, it's been a little quiet. I'm a little hesitant to like, get back out there. But I did see this post and I, it resonated with me. It says, men who struggle with communication see every conversation as a fight.
[00:20:47] Those who avoid accountability see truth as an attack.
[00:20:51] And I feel like that's where I am these days. I feel like I haven't been able to find someone that takes accountability for their actions.
[00:21:05] And I guess at the end of the day that's kind of what I'm looking for.
[00:21:12] Someone that takes accountability, someone that owns their shit.
[00:21:18] And I, you know, I mean, there's, there's definitely more, but I. I don't feel like that's that hard.
[00:21:25] So, anyways, you guys, I appreciate everybody listening.
[00:21:30] And, yeah, I will talk to you guys next week and let me know what you think. Send me your dick sizes. I don't know. Let's. Let's compile an average.
[00:21:42] Or don't. Don't share with somebody. Just.
[00:21:45] Just show up and be a good lover. I don't know.
[00:21:49] All right. I appreciate everybody. Have a great day. It.
