Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:06] Hi there, and welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:11] Okay, I know it's been a little while, and you guys are probably like, what the fuck is happening? She keeps disappearing. But two weeks ago, I recorded a podcast, and, like, I was good to release it, but something happened. And then I went back and listened to it, and I don't normally listen to my podcast podcasts.
[00:00:33] And I know people who also podcast are like, why the are you not listening to your podcast?
[00:00:41] I. I just try to speak as I think and, I don't know, think as I speak and record.
[00:00:51] It's to me, like, unfiltered is good. I'm not spending a lot of time curating my thoughts and ideas because I feel like that's authentic and that's. That's our life. Like, we don't get to spend time to plan our next thought before we say it. I mean, not often. Like, we do on email and we do other ways, but honestly, like, how I. 90% of the shit we do is reactive or proactive, and we're just saying the things. We're just doing the things, and we're just living. So that's how I've created this podcast.
[00:01:33] So I went back two weeks ago and I listened to the podcast, and I was talking about, I, I. And I, I didn't even look it up. Today, a show on Netflix. Love and Death, I think that's what it's called.
[00:01:51] And it's set in the early 80s. And this woman chooses to have an affair.
[00:02:00] Chooses to have an affair. And she's married, and it's the repercussions of her decision.
[00:02:06] And so I recorded a whole episode about that, and then I went back and listened to it and made me cringe.
[00:02:18] It made me feel like.
[00:02:24] Like I, I cast judgment and it didn't feel good.
[00:02:33] It was about casting judgment about having an affair. And so I would prefer to do that as a whole separate episode, which I will release soon, because the words I used, I didn't like. And so I want to explain that because I have also been in that position, and it felt really judgy. And, you know, I know I'm. I'm really good at judging the guys. I'm definitely a judgy person. But it didn't feel safe.
[00:03:03] Didn't feel good to me to safely release that because it made me feel like people that I. I love, including myself, would not like that message. So to come.
[00:03:20] So I record on Riverside, and they just put together. I'm going to post this on link or on Instagram, they.
[00:03:30] It was your most used words of the year, And it was him.
[00:03:42] And talk about being who you are and, like, embracing that because, yeah, him.
[00:03:52] Yeah, him is a obviously the most used word. I kind of. I mean, like, I do say a lot. And thank you guys for.
[00:04:02] No, thank you guys for bearing with me. But, yeah, I thought maybe it would be love or.
[00:04:11] I don't. I don't know. I don't know what I thought it was going to be. But him and are my top words. So check it out on Instagram.
[00:04:21] It made me laugh a lot.
[00:04:23] So tomorrow is Christmas Eve.
[00:04:29] Do y' all have traditions? Like, I have traditions, and I actually have a lot of traditions with my kids and my ex husband, who is now part of our life. So even this last weekend, my sister was in town, and I invited.
[00:04:51] I invited J Man over to celebrate with us, while my sister invited my ex husband, my kid's dad, over to celebrate with us.
[00:05:07] And I don't normally discriminate.
[00:05:10] I like, family is family. Like, we show up for each other. Like, why wouldn't we want to celebrate the holidays together?
[00:05:17] But as she is saying to my ex husband at a basketball game, you should come over tomorrow. We're having a feast.
[00:05:26] I. I am, like, looking at her, like, off. Like, I invited J Man.
[00:05:33] And then I had to text her, like, hey, I already invited him. I can.
[00:05:40] I can let him know because I'm trying to be transparent that Jerry is invited over. And I'll coordinate with him around that because that's also, like, for me, that's an important message of someone I'm dating to let them know, like, I'm still choosing to spend the holiday with this person.
[00:06:06] And you are. You are the newcomer to the group. And so I'll let you know when to come over.
[00:06:13] But it gave me quite a bit of anxiety. And so I was sitting next to Jerry at Jerry, not Jerry, Jerry, ex husband, at a basketball game this weekend, and he was saying how his.
[00:06:30] Y' all remember the story about how Jerry was dating the woman that J Man dated before?
[00:06:39] Anyways, he was saying how she reached out to him and he's trying to shut it down.
[00:06:46] And so I use that opportunity to let him know, like, hey, you know, I'm still dating J Man, who is her ex, whatever, and it's going really well.
[00:07:01] And. And he was. He was receptive of that because, like, my main goal always is my kids. And then it's like, I. I do really want a good relationship with him. So how do I maintain that.
[00:07:18] Anyways, it all worked out while he came over.
[00:07:21] Sorry, Jared. No, see, I'm things up already. Jerry, my kid's dad, came over earlier in the day, and then J Man came over in the evening. Anyways, it was good.
[00:07:40] But holidays, as a parent, number one, are exhausting. I think, number one, as a human, they're exhausting.
[00:07:49] Number two, as a parent, they're exhausting.
[00:07:52] It's.
[00:07:54] It's so much work.
[00:07:57] And I'm just like. Work has been insane.
[00:08:03] Hence why I didn't record last week. And I feel like around the holidays, I don't. Maybe it's just me, but, like, hormones, emotions get amplified, amplified. And everything feels like it's so much more than it is.
[00:08:25] So Sunday, J Man came over to hang out with me and my sister, her husband, my kids.
[00:08:36] Just a casual get together. But he happened to come over as I was, like, serving dinner. We had made crab. My son wanted crab and steak, but it was like, crab and steak, homemade. And some red lobster, cheddar biscuits. And I don't know, we probably. We. We. Oh, we made stuffing, like kind of a smorgasbord again of just shit we want to eat.
[00:09:02] And I felt like he felt uncomfortable. And then I'm pretty receptive or gauge people's feelings.
[00:09:14] And I'm not saying I hadn't drank a bit, but I had drank a bit.
[00:09:20] I'm also menopausal and had this, like, influx of. Of hormones.
[00:09:28] At the end of the night, we were all playing this Uno.
[00:09:35] I can't remember what it's called, but it's like, ruthless. Uno. That's not the right word, but it's like cutthroat, and it's intense.
[00:09:45] And I had, like. The rules weren't. Okay. The rules weren't super clear. We were playing Uno and I felt ganged up on.
[00:10:00] Like, I felt. This is so silly to say as an adult playing with your two kids, your sister, her husband, and your boyfriend.
[00:10:09] I felt ganged up on during the game.
[00:10:14] And then I felt all these other things. Like.
[00:10:22] Like no one sees me.
[00:10:27] No one knows the pressure I'm under.
[00:10:38] Like, I'm Like, I'm on my own team and no one's on my team. And I know you guys are probably, like, listening, thinking, like, tracy, why the are you crying about this? Even four days later?
[00:10:53] But, like, hormones, drinking this game, family, J Man's whatever, attitude in this. And. And I was just a fucking mess.
[00:11:09] Like, I felt again, like, it's. It's me and it's only me.
[00:11:20] And I have to do all of it. And it's so crazy to say that. That a stupid UNO game made me feel all these things to the point where I, like, threw my cards kind of at my son.
[00:11:36] And it wasn't. I meant for it to be playful, but I think it was taken harsher than it needed to be. But maybe not, because I was feeling that deep inside of me that, like, fuck everybody. Like, no one supports me.
[00:11:55] This game sucks. No one.
[00:12:00] No one sees all the work I do, and fuck it. And I, like, throwing through the cards. And then I was immediately shamed for it.
[00:12:11] And it. There wasn't questions about, like, why?
[00:12:21] Like, Tracy. Like, that's like, what's happening? Like, that feels like a very intense response to losing an Uno game.
[00:12:31] It was judgment.
[00:12:33] It wasn't questions. It was judgment of, like, whoa, throwing the cards at your son. And, I mean, I immediately got up and picked up the cards, and I told him later, like, hey, bud, I'm sorry. I was just feeling some feels.
[00:12:51] And he's like, oh, Mom, I don't. I don't care.
[00:12:53] But the shame.
[00:12:59] And I think this is part of it. Like, the shame of showing up as you are and having people not respond favorably.
[00:13:14] And that night, I even texted my friend, and I was like, oh, like, it was a lot.
[00:13:23] And I thanked her for allowing me to show up 100% as I am.
[00:13:35] Like, not. This isn't about dating, but I. I wish I had that ability with all of my people in my life, and I don't.
[00:13:54] And it made me sad that night. Like, I was super, super emotional that night, and I was texting J man, and I probably sounded like a crazy person, but, like, I want people to be on my team.
[00:14:10] I want people to see, like, oh, she's got some shit on her plate that she's not dealing with. Like, who throws Uno cards?
[00:14:20] Like, really? Like.
[00:14:23] And like, hey, like, do you want to talk about it?
[00:14:27] Or when I go hide in a pantry and cry, I want people to, like, ask, like, are you okay?
[00:14:46] And I don't think my family, my sister, my dad, my mom, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, like, that's not how our family was built.
[00:15:01] And so it doesn't happen.
[00:15:06] I would like to change it. I would change it if I saw my behavior in someone else, but I haven't.
[00:15:16] And I'm also not the person to go for help.
[00:15:24] Like, I am if I really need it. But, like, if you don't notice what is happening, I'm not also going to Bring it up.
[00:15:37] So that was the last couple weeks, you guys. I'm sorry I didn't share last week and the week before.
[00:15:47] The holidays are hard, and I think they're hard.
[00:15:52] Well, they're lovely if they're lovely.
[00:15:56] They're my favorite time of year, but they're still hard.
[00:16:01] So I wanted to ask your favorite holiday movie, and I think I've talked about this before, but mine is love, actually.
[00:16:11] I love love. I love love, actually, because everyone is interconnected, and that's how I feel about my life in general. Like, you touch one thing, you do one thing, you influence 40 other things.
[00:16:29] And I love that that movie is about.
[00:16:35] It's.
[00:16:37] Yeah, it's all these individual stories of love, good or bad, that everybody connects on and comes together for.
[00:16:47] And yeah, I think that is.
[00:16:52] I mean, that's life.
[00:16:58] I love that during the movie, the prime minister's assistant, like, is her authentic self and swears in front of him and then he loves her for that.
[00:17:16] I love that.
[00:17:20] Well, I don't love that, but that the guy that is the manager of the business, who I think cheats, but they don't show him cheating, but buys a necklace for somebody else.
[00:17:36] I love their story and how she's so.
[00:17:40] She's me. She's. That you have to hold it together.
[00:17:44] Like, she learns that he did not buy the necklace for her, even though she thought he did.
[00:17:50] And in that moment, she has two kids looking at her for everything.
[00:17:58] And he is looking at her with this, like, sense of pride. Like, I got you this great cd. And she's like, no, you.
[00:18:05] Yes, you got me the cd, but you fucked up.
[00:18:09] And her.
[00:18:12] I could feel the feeling, like, I could feel it in my chest when I watched this movie of her walking away and then needing a moment to compose, like, to lose it for, like, approximately 10 seconds, which is all moms have to lose their shit and then immediately get it back together.
[00:18:34] And her breathing and her putting her hands on the bed and, like, stabilizing herself. And then she has to go back out and put on a smiley face and get through the next hour or two of her kids performance before she can actually confront her husband, who is clearly having some sort of affair.
[00:18:59] Like, and I love the. Like, the couple where he goes to.
[00:19:07] Where is she from?
[00:19:10] Portugal. She's. Oh, she's. Well, she speaks Portuguese. And he goes. And he learns Portuguese and she learns English. Like, the compromise there.
[00:19:20] I love all these underlying stories for the movie.
[00:19:28] And I know it's a contra. Like, I know people Are like, it's the worst Christmas movie ever.
[00:19:34] No, it's not. It's so good. I think it's so good I will die in my grave saying it's my favorite movie ever.
[00:19:42] Because I love all the stories of love and it's not always pretty and it's not clean and it's not always even loving.
[00:19:57] Like, love makes us some of the worst people we know.
[00:20:05] But I think every, I mean, every single story in that is about love, about showing up for the people you love. Even the stories of, like, when somebody cheats on someone, it's still about love for their love. Maybe it wasn't love for you, or maybe you took something from it. I don't know.
[00:20:27] So this is my plug. I am not paid for saying any of this, but if you haven't seen love, actually watch it once and then watch it again. Because I've watched it, I don't know, probably 20 times and I still pick up things.
[00:20:46] It's.
[00:20:48] It's so good.
[00:20:49] And haters feel free to hate. But maybe watch it with me. I could live stream it and give you all my commentary while I watch it. I don't know. I just. I think it's such a great movie and it encompasses all the things we feel during the holidays.
[00:21:10] So I know Hanukkah's over, so I hope everybody had a lovely Hanukkah.
[00:21:17] I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas. I hope there's love in your life or you find moments of love in the day, in the week, in moments.
[00:21:30] I know it can be fleeing, and I know it's hard after you've lost someone or when you're alone.
[00:21:42] My first Covid without my family or my first Christmas without my family was during COVID I had spent every year with my parents up until Covid, so up until five years ago and that first year when they could not travel and we couldn't travel and it was heartbreaking.
[00:22:10] It was so hard and it's. I know it's so hard going through a divorce during the holidays when your family doesn't look like it's supposed to look, but embrace the moments that you have.
[00:22:34] It's okay to be sad in other moments.
[00:22:40] And my suggestion also is to create some new traditions and new normality around things that aren't normal.
[00:22:55] I don't know what that looks like for you guys, but I. I do hope you have amazing Christmas.
[00:23:03] I hope everybody gets a little rest. It feels like things have been insane.
[00:23:09] I am not leaving you just yet. I still don't know what I'm gonna do, but I promise this is not it. And I will talk to you guys after the holiday. Merry Christmas.
