Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40. And we are back to our regularly scheduled program. Thank you guys for indulging me with a little weekend.
[00:00:18] I don't know.
[00:00:19] I don't know what it was, but sometimes we need that. Sometimes I think we need to say the things that we're thinking out loud and kind of put them into the world. So I appreciate you guys being that space.
[00:00:38] So back to the fun of my life and dating and 40.
[00:00:45] I went out again with Scratch. I. I think I preemptively gave him a name, so maybe I, like, doomed it.
[00:00:57] We went out before I left for Michigan, had a drink and had some food, and it was fine. It was fun.
[00:01:08] I felt like it was. I mean, it was not as good as our first date, and that's. That's okay.
[00:01:15] But I felt this kind of distance from him or he was, like, preoccupied or something, and that's fine.
[00:01:29] I don't know. There was just something that didn't feel right. And I feel like, God, if every time I'm like, something doesn't feel right, I just cut things off. That's not going to be good. But maybe it is good.
[00:01:40] Maybe that's the. That's what we're working for.
[00:01:43] But we. I mean, it was a. It was a good date.
[00:01:47] He texted me, and I did want to see him again, because I won't. I am that person that I'm like, I'm not gonna.
[00:01:54] Unless it was, like, horribly offensive. Like, I'm. Then I'd be out. But it was. It was still a really nice time.
[00:02:01] I got a text from him when I got home or like the next day or whatever, and he wanted to get together when I get back. And I was like, yes, I'm all in for it. And.
[00:02:12] But I did say, like, hey, I'm trying to kind of figure out if we have chemistry.
[00:02:20] And like, I was. I was intending, like, that comment to be, like, for our next date, like, I would like to see if we have chemistry. Like, I want that. Like, I'm not saying, like, I want to get it on, but, like, he's a really nice guy. But are we similar enough?
[00:02:41] I mean, is. Is. I mean, I do. And I. And the burn haystack method is like, chem chemistry can grow and stuff like that, but I still do believe in my soul or, like, my heart. Like, I kind of know. Like, is this somebody that I am drawn to?
[00:03:00] And I. And I'm not sure. I wasn't sure with him.
[00:03:03] So, you know, I was being honest. I said, yeah, I would like to go out. I'm trying to figure out, you know, if we do have chemistry.
[00:03:11] And. And he was like, okay, like, I think we do, and great. Like.
[00:03:18] And I didn't mean for him to stop talking to me.
[00:03:21] I didn't. But he kind of stopped talking to me. So the next day I flew out with my kids to Michigan.
[00:03:29] And, you know, I texted him because there was like a driving, like, a simulate golf simulator in the airport. So it made me think of him. So I just like, hey, like, didn't know this was. This existed, but, like, if you're ever stuck here for hours, you can golf, you know? And he wrote back, but then I didn't hear from him, and I didn't text him at all during my trip.
[00:03:55] So I got back from the trip and he texted me and said some, you know, something along the lines of like, hey, I hope you had a good trip, and I'm assuming you decided we don't have chemistry or connection. And I wrote back, and I was like. I was like, no, like, I. I hadn't. But I hadn't heard from you, so I kind of assumed you thought that.
[00:04:23] And.
[00:04:24] And then I wrote. I was like, well, you didn't text me. I didn't text you. Like, clearly there's not a big enough draw for either of one of us to do that. And I know if I really am into somebody, I'm going to text them and not wait for them to text me.
[00:04:42] I don't know about him, but I.
[00:04:46] Yeah, he wished me well and was very kind and nice, and I did the same. And, you know, I told him, like, hey, if, like, I kind of enjoy golfing, and if I get back into it, I'll let you know. So, yeah, it just.
[00:05:04] Yeah, it was fine. It just.
[00:05:08] It kind of petered out, which is okay. I still think he is a great person.
[00:05:14] It's really funny. I don't think I shared this with you guys, but, uh, he. We exchanged information so I could, like, look him up, AKA stalk. But I'm not stalking him. Um, but on Facebook, he is friends with one of his friends, is one of my friends.
[00:05:30] And I asked. I sent her a message.
[00:05:37] After the first date, and I asked her, like, hey, do you know this person? Like, what's. What's a story? I'm. I'm went on a date with him, or I'm going on a date, whatever it was.
[00:05:48] And she's like, oh, my gosh, that's my cousin's Was my cousin's husband, her first cousin's husband.
[00:05:57] Such a small world.
[00:06:00] She didn't have anything to say, really. She was just like, anytime I've met him, he seems like a nice guy. Like, I don't know what exactly happened. And I didn't, you know, I didn't push. I just, you know, like, it's.
[00:06:11] I always love if there is a mutual connection. Because, I mean, what if he was crazy? He's not. But, like, I want to know.
[00:06:19] So I saw her today for lunch and she was asking me about it. And anyways, he sounds like, again, still a nice guy, like, but I'm really looking for that. And I. This is where I could be, like, setting myself up for failure. That nice guy, plus a feeling, plus this. I don't know.
[00:06:42] I don't know. So no more scratch.
[00:06:49] That's okay. So I also. So I went to.
[00:06:52] I took my kids to Michigan. We do this every summer, and we drive and spend time with my parents.
[00:07:00] And I gotta say, like, this was probably the best trip.
[00:07:05] And they are 12 and 14. And last year was not. Last year was better, but the year. Like, there have been so many hard years.
[00:07:15] And this year was good.
[00:07:20] And I love.
[00:07:22] I do love seeing the evolution of their ability to travel, their ability to communicate, go do things on their own, help around the house. Like, it was probably my proudest year of them. So we fly home and I.
[00:07:41] It was their dad's day, so I just took them directly from the airport to their dad's.
[00:07:48] He was watching my dog and I. My. My youngest son asks me why I'm bully, bullying his dad.
[00:07:59] And I definitely have been more vocal about my displeasure since the graduation. Shit.
[00:08:09] Like, I. I just am less tolerant, I guess, of things. But I still really want us to be this.
[00:08:16] A cohesive, weird family unit. Unit that's not a family. But, like, I still want that. So I had asked him, like, if he could watch my dog while we were gone, because my friend who normally does it, she couldn't do it. And I know my dog loves his dog, so, like, hey, do you mind watching Freddie?
[00:08:39] And when I asked, he was like, oh, such a long time.
[00:08:43] I don't know. I don't think I could commit to. To five days. Like, that's a lot.
[00:08:49] And I'm a bitch. But, like, you have a doggy door, you have a yard.
[00:08:56] All you have to do is, like, feed him and water him and have the kids pick up the dog poop in the backyard. Like, it's not. It's But I was like, okay. And I said, like, during that, I was like, well, I have a friend. I think, you know, she might watch him for 40 bucks a day.
[00:09:17] And he goes like, for. For $40 a day, I would do it.
[00:09:24] All right, fine, Thanks. I think just not quite where I was going with the family dynamic of, like, we all help each other out. I would watch his dog, no problem. Like, anyways, and then I dropped the kids off, and, you know, I'm getting my dog.
[00:09:46] And he's like, your dog is a bully. I don't know why bully has been a word in my house lately. Your dog's a bully. And I'm like, okay, Freddy, my dog is not a bully. Like, he could be anxious. Like, well, he's kind of me. Excitable, dominant. He. He does get a lot of energy around other animals, but a bully or aggressive isn't his thing. And he's like, yeah. Like, he wouldn't let my dog up the stairs. Was very, like, protective of me.
[00:10:20] It was weird.
[00:10:23] So I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna take the dog home. Like, here's your kids back.
[00:10:27] I'm taking the dog home.
[00:10:29] And I, like, put a retractable leash on my dog. And the dog, like, walks around the corner. I'm like, come here, Freddie. Like, I don't lock up the retractable leash and pull him. I'm just like, come here. And he's like, push. Just. Tracy, push the button. And I'm like, I know how to use my leash.
[00:10:51] I'm done.
[00:10:53] I'm done. I'm done asking for help. I'm done. I'm done there.
[00:10:59] I think I'm just done. These things are reminders for why we are in the situations we are.
[00:11:08] But anyways, yes, we had a great trip.
[00:11:11] Got my dog back.
[00:11:13] The kids are rested up. So it's almost kind of like back to school time they start in.
[00:11:21] Oh, fuck. I just looked at it. It's like a month. No, it's not a month. It's like three weeks. So I feel like we're kind of settling into the summer, but I'm really ready. Like, my son had two friends spend the night on Monday night, and I swear to God, they were up to fucking 4:30 in the morning. And, like, I had to text him at 1:30 in the morning. I'm like, please be quiet.
[00:11:43] I'm just. I'm tired.
[00:11:45] I'm tired.
[00:11:47] I'm menopausal. I'm like, I'm ready. Go back to school.
[00:11:57] I also want to thank the handful of people that have signed up for the newsletter. They got some photos. They got an update from last month. I think when, like, the photos are really good that week, I'm going to send out photos of the week and maybe then, like, a monthly summary. You guys should sign up at flirting after 40 dot com. Um, I had to put, like. I don't know, like, I guess there's probably. I should probably redo a big research on the laws of this. But I put, like, sunglasses on their. Their eyes to make them, I don't know, undistinguishable.
[00:12:40] All right, so before we go into our funnies, this week's burn the Haystack methodology is a rhetorical pattern is I'm a very busy man.
[00:12:51] So when I read this, I'm like, I know some of these guys.
[00:12:54] It's this, I am so busy, but if you're worth my time, I can make time for you. So if you're worth it, like, it just feels really cringey. So I'm going to read the one example that she has in the book about me. Busy, single, and with a job that often has long hours. I'd love to spend some of my free time with a fun person who likes to seize the moment and explore what the city has to offer. Now, like, I would read that and I'd be like, that doesn't seem alarming to me, but it should be. So what she has to say about this, she says it usually sounds like I have a very busy life and a demanding job, but I can make time for the right woman.
[00:13:43] And this should be a red flag. You know, this is kind of like back in the day, like, rhetorical in the back of the day of, like, wives that stay home and deal with all the kids.
[00:13:54] She says it's a fairy tale written by men who think too highly of themselves and or have poor time management skills. You know, like, it's not. It's not a good look.
[00:14:07] She says, additionally, this pattern is manipulative.
[00:14:11] It the leading with the I'm very busy man language establishes a hierarchy within the top with him on the top.
[00:14:20] It's presumptuous in advance to meeting a woman. He's assuming that his time is more valuable, more limited and more important than hers.
[00:14:28] Additionally, it frames him as a treat or reward that can be attained if the woman is worthy enough. The right woman.
[00:14:36] Woo.
[00:14:39] So I've been back on Hinge and again, just, like, trying to find some of these patterns. And, you know, I'm swiping Left to no. Like, 100 times more than I am. To. To. Yes. Did I say that the right way? Anyways, I'm swiping no.
[00:14:58] And there's been a few guys. And this is a test.
[00:15:03] This. This. This cutie, he's younger. I'm. I'm pulling my phone out now. Who was like, you're super cute, was his comment. Um, let's see. I just.
[00:15:16] And this is not the busy man, but this is the start of all the funnies. He says, you're dangerously cute.
[00:15:23] I should have blocked him immediately because men that comment on women's. Which is what I'm learning, like, appearance immediately. Like, that's what they're in it for. Like, they're. They're not. They don't really want to get to know you. Like, if the only half. The only thing you have to say to me is, you're dangerously cute, that seems like a very sexual comment.
[00:15:42] And, like, you didn't read my profile, so. But I was like, I'm gonna play along because he was a cute guy. Like, I'm gonna. Let's see. So I respond, well, thank you.
[00:15:53] Um, and I responded to one of his comments. I said, I might be an awful joke teller, but I've got the bluntness covered. It was something where he was like, I'm looking like I want. I love some people that can tell a joke and that are super blunt.
[00:16:06] And he says, lol. Well, you're cute at least.
[00:16:11] And I'm like, I. I tried to give another chance, you know, like.
[00:16:17] And all he has to say is, you're cute at least. Like, bro, I'm far more than cute, so fuck off, block.
[00:16:27] All right, back to the funnies now.
[00:16:32] Well, there was one more that was not. Not necessarily funny, but this guy, I swear I've seen him on the dating apps. I. I swear I've, like, probably matched with him a couple times.
[00:16:43] He says, hi, Tracy. I say, hi, blah, blah, blah, whatever his name is. He says, tracy, again, you are cute. And I like, you're cute. And I like, can we have words? How about we meet up for a form of a beverage block?
[00:17:02] You don't even know me. We haven't had. You just said, hi, Tracy. I said, hi, Ryan. And now you're like, let's meet up for a beverage. And you're cute. I like, nope. Black.
[00:17:13] This guy, he.
[00:17:17] He reached out. He was like, sent a nice intro, asking me kind of like, what are you looking for? It looks like you're looking for this and this and this and he had like read my profile and I said, you know, I. I respond like, I am looking for like a serious relationship. I know that takes time. Like a nice answer.
[00:17:36] He responds with this.
[00:17:38] I really like your honesty, Tracy. I feel exactly the same. I'm here because I'm looking for a genuine long term relationship with someone who values honesty, trust, and good communication.
[00:17:49] I believe the best relationships start with friendship. There's no periods in here, just so you know. I believe the best relationships start with friendship and grow naturally. I've really enjoyed talking with you already.
[00:18:00] This is literally you guys after. This is the third message.
[00:18:05] I've really enjoyed talking with you already.
[00:18:07] I don't check this app very often. If you're comfortable, I'd love to exchange numbers to continue to get to know one each other. One on one.
[00:18:18] Red flag, Red flag. Like, I'm learning you guys. Like, I am learning. Like, you didn't ask anything ever. Like, you asked what I was looking for. I gave you an answer. And then you're like, I've really enjoyed chatting with you. Like, we've not been chatting. And now you want my number?
[00:18:34] No. So I was like, let's play this out. And I was like, no, I'm not comfortable giving you my number.
[00:18:41] I'd prefer to get to know a little bit more about you on the app.
[00:18:45] And then I got another like, okay, like, what'd you do today? And I said, you know, I went to the farmer's market and he was like, I love farmer's market and trying new foods.
[00:19:00] And then that was it. And then he. He disappeared. So total scammer. Total scammer, you guys. Like, we gotta be on. We gotta be on the hunt for this.
[00:19:09] All right, here's my funnies. Like, for real funnies. This guy says it's not a vacation unless every activity and outing is planned around where we are going to go and what we're going to eat. I'm like, okay, I love the idea of like planning where we're going to eat, but like, dude, a vacation is a fucking vacation. No, this guy Eric, all he does is use use emojis in his answer. And I'm going to post this to the newsletter this year. I really want to.
[00:19:39] Hamburger, Pizza. Kebab.
[00:19:42] Coconut drink. Champagne. Cheers.
[00:19:46] Like, I try was like, is this like Morse code?
[00:19:49] Dating me is like strawberry, grape martini.
[00:19:54] Those are, those are just like three different pictures.
[00:19:57] My.
[00:20:03] My most irrational fear.
[00:20:06] Bread, shrimp, Pasta.
[00:20:09] Wine, olives and a banana.
[00:20:13] Like, maybe this game works for this guy. What the Kind of like Profile is that.
[00:20:26] This guy, like looked pretty normal.
[00:20:30] And then his third picture was. I don't. I'm guessing this is AI with him in a leopard dress with boobs and long hair and a mustache.
[00:20:44] He says, the one thing you should know about me is I'm a lazy perfectionist with ADHD and chronic fatigue who loves her friends but hate people and is really chill outside from the occasional panic attack.
[00:20:57] Wow, thanks.
[00:21:00] Pass.
[00:21:03] Like, this guy.
[00:21:07] The way to win me over is be present and date with intention. Emotionally and physically available.
[00:21:14] Okay. He just wants sex. You want like physically available? Who says that in their dating profile? You guys, like, I can't make this shit up. And then this was in one of my groups. This woman posted this. The snap of a conversation and the audacity of this man. She says, I got my hair cut off this weekend. Four inches off. Really? He says, I'm not sure I feel about that. I'd have to see to see how it looks. I'm not that.
[00:21:46] I'm not that.
[00:21:48] Okay. Fucking. I'm not that. In my opinion matters. I'm just saying I prefer women with longer hair most usually.
[00:21:58] And she writes back, it's a good thing. I.
[00:22:00] It's a good thing I have the only say regarding the length of my hair. Like. And she was saying she had never even. She hasn't even met this guy yet. And he's 63. Like, who, who do these men think they are that they have the right to like, have any opinion on it?
[00:22:20] This guy Patrick, my greatest strength, Big spoon energy.
[00:22:25] That, that and tailored perfume recommend recommendations.
[00:22:31] Are you woodsy, musky, floral, or downright gourmand? Watch out, I might eat you up.
[00:22:41] Please let me throw up. This guy posted a picture of a close up of his eyeball. Hey, that's. It's really helpful. I.
[00:22:53] Yeah.
[00:22:55] This guy. Bathroom selfie, which we know we swipe left on, but he's got a wife beater on. But it's like a low wife beater where his nipples could be almost kind of coming out of the shirt like, like he's showing some cleavage here.
[00:23:12] Sorry.
[00:23:14] Together we could go dancing.
[00:23:17] And his unusual skill is a very magical tongue.
[00:23:21] Guys, I swear to God, sign up for the newsletter just to see this picture.
[00:23:27] Yeah. And then this one was posted in a group.
[00:23:31] It basically looks like this man put a full banana in his pants and is taking a selfie. Like. Or he grabbed his girlfriend's vibrator that has some balls attached to it and put it like. There's no way that's your dick. And he loves being outside and playing golf and hockey in the evenings. But, like, it doesn't say anything derogatory. Just, here's my dick. I'm 42.
[00:24:04] I feel so much better now. Put that out in the world.
[00:24:09] Yeah. You guys, I'm back.
[00:24:12] I'm not sure I'm happy about it, but that means more fun for you. So, seriously, check out the newsletter.
[00:24:22] And as always, I appreciate you guys listening, and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
