Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] I was in Costa Rica this last week for five days, and it was lovely. Ish.
[00:00:19] It made me realize that I am definitely a bougie traveler.
[00:00:26] I stayed in a.
[00:00:28] At a resort. It was fine. There was just lots of kids.
[00:00:34] Um, the service wasn't great all inclusive, which isn't. Just. Isn't really my jam, but it also made me realize, like, I didn't really need this trip. Um, I had booked this as a kind of a redo from my January trip with J Man, but I had, like, I went to Mexico, I don't know, a month and a half ago. So this. I'm like, God, I sound so entitled and bougie that, like, this was already on the books. But I usually go and I. I, like, need this escape and I need, like, I'm like, dying for a break. And I didn't feel like that right now. So it was a little uncomfortable again for me. It was a little uncomfortable because, yeah, like, I wasn't desperate for it.
[00:01:39] And then I'm like, also like, what the fuck is wrong with us? That vacation can feel only enjoyable when you feel desperate for it?
[00:01:49] Like, that seems fucked up.
[00:01:54] Anyways, I was there.
[00:01:58] It was like, I read a couple books. My tan is looking amazing.
[00:02:07] There was a couple that I sat next to one night.
[00:02:12] And so it's. So I don't know if you guys have been to All Inclusive. The all inclusives that I have been to, like, they don't have a bar you can sit at.
[00:02:22] And I am such a bar sitter, even if I'm like. Like, I go out to dinner by myself and I want to sit at the bar because usually there's something to watch and there's people. There's people watching. And you could talk to the bartender or the people next to you. Like, people are more social, but at all inclusives to dine in, you sit at a table and. And I was. I. I was at this Italian restaurant and there was a couple next to me and they came in after me and they probably were the most miserable people I've seen in a year. Like, they seemed. They sat there and they seemed like you could just feel the energy radiating off of them, that they fucking hated each other and they weren't drinking. So maybe that's why they. No, I don't know. I was gonna say maybe that's why they hate each other. Drinking might help you like each other more. I don't know.
[00:03:25] But their.
[00:03:28] Their energy and and they were, like, yelling at each other in whispers. So I. Even though I was right next to them, I couldn't hear what they were saying.
[00:03:41] And I sat there and I was like, oh, I need. I should say something to them. Like, I should. I was like, I need to say to them that you guys are miserable and you should not be together.
[00:03:51] But, like, I don't know their situation. So, like, Tracy, keep your mouth shut. And I kept, like, evaluating, like, okay. I was like, okay, if the guy looks at me, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna just say, like, you guys seem horror horrible together, or you seem miserable.
[00:04:08] And they ate their food in literally probably like seven minutes and got their check immediately and left. Like, before even my food arrived. It was.
[00:04:19] It was. It was so awkward. Like, I'm just a bystander, and I was awkward sitting next to them.
[00:04:28] Then the next night, I went in and grabbed a drink. There is a. There was one bar, and they were sitting side by side in these, like, comfy chairs having a. Well, I don't think they were having a drink, but they looked equally as miserable the next night.
[00:04:48] And I. I didn't say anything. Like, it's. It's not my place. Like, I think I probably would have, but I don't know. I'm trying to be more socially aware of my situations.
[00:05:05] And it's always more. It's always better, you know, to compliment people that seem happy than miserable. But I don't know. Couple in Guadalcaste, that was at this resort, don't stay together. She spoke Spanish. You didn't. You guys looked horrible. Please, please don't be together.
[00:05:27] That's why people watching for the day.
[00:05:34] All right, so before that, before I left for Costa Rica, I went out on a date.
[00:05:45] I had been talking to this guy, and he asked me out. We went out for breakfast. Like, a breakfast date. Which is kind of nice, actually. Like, I, I, you know, I do drink, so it's.
[00:06:00] It's nice for me to go out without any alcohol and meet someone. And we met for breakfast, and it was fun. It was super fun.
[00:06:15] He is a real. He seems like a really nice guy.
[00:06:19] He has a younger daughter, so I, like, I wanted to get to know him. He said that's. That's hard for him, dating, because a lot of people, he's. He's a few years younger than me, but, you know, when you're. I'm 46 and my kids are 12 and 14, and he was 44 with a daughter. I think that was turning 4.
[00:06:42] So just a different.
[00:06:44] Just in a different spot in life. And he said, like, it's really hard for him dating because a lot of women don't want a young child or to date somebody with a young child. And I get that. Like, I'm not saying I wasn't opposed to, like, don't agree with that, but I'm like, I would rather get to know you than just make an assumption based on your children's age. Child's age.
[00:07:13] So we went to breakfast. It was. It was nice. He was really nice.
[00:07:20] He was nervous. It was cute.
[00:07:25] It was really. It was. It was good. And he had gotten me.
[00:07:30] He got me flowers. And I haven't gotten flowers on a first date since the lieutenant.
[00:07:38] And. But it was the cute. It was the cutest thing. It was this, like, stem of baby rose. It, like, small, like. I don't know what they're called, but the small little roses, just one stem, but there was, like, multiple, like, rose buds, and it was wrapped in tissue paper with, like a.
[00:07:57] A little ribbon around it. It was. It was really thoughtful and really nice.
[00:08:06] And he was just. He was a. He felt like a very good person, a very safe person.
[00:08:15] No, like, sexual comments. No. He was just. No red flags.
[00:08:24] And gave him a hug after the date. It was great.
[00:08:29] And so while I was in Costa Rica, we were also, like. We were texting here and there, just keeping up text, and had agreed to meet again. And he.
[00:08:42] I asked something about, like, kind of his schedule.
[00:08:47] I asked something about his schedule. And he, He.
[00:09:01] He was like, I. I was nervous to bring this up.
[00:09:04] I'm not sure how you're going to react, but I am still technically married and have not started the divorce process.
[00:09:16] And I was like, okay, well, I asked you on the dating app. I said, how long have you been single or not sure if you were married? Because I don't. He could have a kid and not have been married. And he says.
[00:09:31] He just says July was a year.
[00:09:34] Although me and my ex haven't been together for nearly three.
[00:09:37] So I had made the assumption he had been divorced for a year.
[00:09:43] And. And because I also have kind of a thing.
[00:09:47] And I think I've told you guys this before, especially with Sparky. I was like, I don't want to be somebody's, like, rebound relationship because I'm a. I know I. I can.
[00:10:02] I mean, I've been married. I can. I have those, like, wifely qualities.
[00:10:09] I like to take care of people. I could solve all your. I could solve all your problems. I could coordinate your divorce for you, but I don't want to do that, and it's not my job.
[00:10:21] So he told me he is still married and he is saving up so he can get, you know, file for divorce and get the best outcome for him and his daughter. And while I think that's sweet, I also think he's very naive because the longer you wait, the more you're going to owe.
[00:10:45] But it's not my. It's not my job to educate this man about divorce, and it's not my job to, like, I could have just. I could have given him, you know, Tracy's 10, 10 step to divorce successful plan. Like, but that's not what I want. I want someone who is divorced, who didn't lie. I feel like it was a lie or it was a fib. Like, maybe not a lie, but it was not the truth. When I asked, like, if you can't be truthful and honest about where you are before we meet, just so we get to meet and then tell me the truth, and then I'm gonna be like, you're a nice guy, so then I'm gonna hang it. Hang out with you. Like, that doesn't feel good.
[00:11:34] And so I was just like, I don't. I don't think this is gonna work.
[00:11:39] And. And I didn't even go into how I felt like, he lied because, I mean, I did send him the screenshot, but, like, what is the point of that? Like, we went on one date. Like, I.
[00:11:52] Whatever your agenda is, is up to you, and it's. I'm not a part of it.
[00:12:01] I just wish.
[00:12:03] I think. I wish. I wish he would have been honest to start.
[00:12:10] Because, like, if I. I feel like a lot of people in their profile will be like, hey, I just know. Newly divorced or not say anything. And then when I ask, they'll. They'll say what their status is. Like, I don't know. I don't know. It. It just didn't sit well. So no mas.
[00:12:35] So, yeah, not talking to anybody anymore. But there was a solar eclipse today. I.
[00:12:43] I don't think we could see it from Denver.
[00:12:46] There's also supposed to be some, like, meteor shit. I don't know what's happening in the world, but Sam called last night.
[00:12:56] I did not answer, did not leave a message or a text, so not sure what that's about.
[00:13:06] And then I also got an Instagram message from a guy I went to. God, I probably went. I don't know, like, some dance with dated at some point in High school.
[00:13:22] I got an Instagram message from him last night.
[00:13:28] He had texted or he had sent me a message when podcast came out and just was like, hey, this is fascinating. Like, hope you're doing well. And that was it.
[00:13:40] But last night's message was like, hey, I just check it. Like I was thinking about you. I hope you're doing well. Like, it's just like random timing, like what, what is happening in the world where there's this draw back to people.
[00:14:01] Um, and I sent him a message back, like, doing good, like, what's going on with your life? And he sent me a message back this morning and, and it was like, you know, I think about you now and then. And it was sweet. It was sweet. But it just makes me think like, what, like what is happening in the world right now that we feel the need to reach out to certain people.
[00:14:27] And I will say I reached out to J Man on my last night in Costa Rica probably because like this trip, the trip I booked was to like a redo trip from the trip I had with him made me sad.
[00:14:47] And then also, like, I will say, like, dating also makes me realize like, he's a really good human.
[00:14:59] Do. Does it make me think that he's my human? I don't, I don't know. I don't think so. Like, I feel like that's a feeling. But I think as I get older, I like had this like, thought of, like, do you expect.
[00:15:16] Do you expect the sparks to be like, you're. And I watched, like, like you're in high school, like when you met somebody and you were like immediately like madly in love with them.
[00:15:26] Like, I don't know, maybe I was the only one that felt like that in high school and maybe college, like, you met somebody, you were like, oh my God, I am so fucking into you.
[00:15:39] And maybe as we get older, we don't have that same, those same feelings.
[00:15:47] And maybe I've been chasing that feeling of like, I'm so into you. Like, I want that, I want that feeling.
[00:15:54] But maybe with baggage and education and life experiences, like, our, our defenses are higher. And so the ability to just be like, yes, you're my fucking person doesn't exist anymore.
[00:16:15] That makes me a little sad. Like, I. I don't know.
[00:16:21] I don't know. And I. And I'm. I'm gonna do some reflection on that because truly.
[00:16:31] What I was thinking about in Costa Rica is like, J Man is. He's. He's the best person that I've met.
[00:16:40] And how do I How do I get my head around that? Because I, I'm. I'm waiting for that feeling and I'm waiting for and. And actually I kind of think I had that with him at the beginning and then shit got in our way and maybe that's life, I don't know.
[00:17:00] So I also reached out to him in this time. So like, I'm not just saying like the woodwork. People are coming out of the woodwork for me. Like I came out of the woodwork. Like, what is happening? Why is this happening now?
[00:17:16] I don't know.
[00:17:17] Weird.
[00:17:19] Weird couple days.
[00:17:23] So I don't really have a lot of funnies for you guys because I have not been online a lot. Uh, I was, I. I wasn't really on hinge while I was away.
[00:17:37] This guy in his profile says he's 39 years old too. Just, he says, well hung and looking for fun or a lifetime partner.
[00:17:48] Dude, what the fuck is it? Like you.
[00:17:54] Can you be more specific and keep your pen? Like why, why, why do people have to say this?
[00:18:02] Let's see.
[00:18:04] I don't really have anything else, you guys. Like, I really been kind of keeping to myself.
[00:18:09] I hope you.
[00:18:13] I did send out a newsletter with the images from the last two weeks and they're horrific.
[00:18:18] So I don't really have any this week. I'm sure I will next week, but please subscribe. I feel like I'm a YouTuber. Subscribe to my channel, but flirting after40.com I have a newsletter if you want to see these horrible images. I just saw a friend tonight and I was showing her some because from the newsletter and it's. She's just like, what the fuck is wrong with men?
[00:18:48] What the is wrong with them?
[00:18:51] So I'd like to share what's wrong with them with you.
[00:18:55] All right, you guys, thank you always for listening and supporting me. And maybe next week I'll have some more clarity. Who knows? All right, have a great week you guys. I'll talk to you later.
