Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:06] Hi there, it's Tracy. Welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] So I had this thought this morning, kind of just around dating, and I was like, how weird is it that we actually talk to. We meet random people?
[00:00:25] You guys, are you probably okay, probably. Like, Tracy, you've been dating online for, like, a decade and you're just coming to this realization but, like, that we meet people online and then we, like, go and meet them in person and just sit and tell strangers about our lives and ask them questions about their lives, like, unfiltered, whatever. And I'm like, I don't know why. I was thinking about it today, and I was like, that feels really weird. Like, when I just stopped and thought about, like, the process.
[00:01:05] God. And, like, how amazing would it be to meet somebody in the wild, like, have that chemistry. You're sitting across the bar or restaurant or you're out, you know, doing whatever, and you see you catch somebody's eye and you're like, ooh. I mean, I know that's just physical, but, like, I still also feel like there's, like, chemistry that comes with that. There's a. There's a connection.
[00:01:32] Chemical reaction. I don't know. I'm definitely not that smart, but, like, what happened to those days? Because I'm like, the apps. And then just going to meet somebody, it's so weird. And then, like, you. You walk into a bar or restaurant and you, like, have to find them and, like, do they look like they're pictures? And then you have to sit there and talk to them and, like, truly, how fucking weird is this?
[00:02:00] I've really never spent a lot of time thinking about it. I thought about it this morning and I was like, yeah, this is kind of a fucked up process.
[00:02:13] So I'm recording a few days early, so this might be fairly short, except I have, I feel like, a hand. A billion funnies.
[00:02:21] I am off on a vacay. So I am redoing my Costa Rica trip.
[00:02:28] If you guys recall, like, my birthday trip with J. Man was not great.
[00:02:35] And I. When we split up, I was like, I need a new trip. I need a redo. So I booked a redo.
[00:02:44] I'm not. Like, I actually feel like I'm in a good place and, like, I don't necessarily need escape, but who's gonna say no to escape? You already planned.
[00:02:55] I did invite a couple people, but no one is coming with me, which is fine.
[00:03:00] Schedules and finances just didn't align, but. So another solo Costa Rica trip. I will keep you guys posted on how it goes. I'm sure it'll be amazing. Like, again, like, just sit my ass in a pool and read a couple books, maybe come up with some creative ideas of other things to do. But that is. That is my plan. And that's why this week is kind of short for you guys.
[00:03:28] So speaking of, like, meeting people in the wild, I was getting my hair did.
[00:03:38] I have an amazing stylist, so if anybody's ever looking for a recommendation, let me know. But her and her sister run a studio, and it's just the two of them, and they're amazing together. But it's.
[00:03:53] To me, it's this, like, I've never been, like, a super girly girl. So, like, I don't go. I mean, I say that and I'm like, well, I get my nails done, I get my toes done. I. I do some of the things. But I've never been, like, the girl that goes to salons and just sits there and gossips with all the other women and things like that. But their studio, their salon is.
[00:04:20] It makes you feel very comfortable.
[00:04:23] And it's. It's a small group, so the. At. At the time I got. Was getting my hair done. At the most, there was five people in their. In their salon, their studio. I don't know what the proper word is for it.
[00:04:36] And there's not a lot of, like, co stories, but it's a small space so you can hear what people are talking about. And I had told my stylist that I was. I was telling her, you know, just about dating and about some of the funnies I had been sharing. And I had showed her the picture of the guy with his, like, balls sitting on a workout bench, his balls resting there. And she was, like, horrified, like, by the image. And I, you know, I'm like, yeah, I know. Like, can you believe that, like, men actually, like, post this shit? So we were talking about that, and then she was telling me about her sister, how her sister met somebody in the wild.
[00:05:23] So her sister met a guy at Home Depot, and I think it was, you know, a hardware store. And apparently it was early in the morning. The guy came up to her and, like, told her how beautiful she was and asked her for her number, which I think is, like, amazing. Like, wouldn't that be amazing if somebody came up to you and said that, like, I'm. I was jealous. And my stylist was saying, you know, how pumped she was for her sister and how, like, immediately she was, like, behind this guy, like, oh, my God, this guy must Be amazing.
[00:06:00] This is destiny. You met in the wild. Like, how amazing is all of this?
[00:06:06] And.
[00:06:07] And she said to me, she's like, you know, I realized like, I was building this guy up and I didn't know anything about him. And they had just met, but I was already like a huge fan just because of the fact that they met.
[00:06:20] And he was bold enough to like, say she's cute, ask for her number. He seemed great and like, how fucked up that also is to be like, Like, I don't even know this person. And I'm like, already a fan just because we met in the wild. So her sister comes in and she shares the story of. Of this, how it went.
[00:06:47] And she shared the screenshots of their conversation. And you guys, like, imagine meeting somebody at Home Depot, let's call it at 8 in the morning.
[00:06:59] And you get the butterfly is cute guy, cute girl.
[00:07:03] And he sends you this text.
[00:07:06] He says, hi, It's. Let's call him.
[00:07:10] Hi, it's Dan.
[00:07:12] I mean, my God. Wow, pretty eyes, cute smile, amazing tattoos. And the legs. Wow. Ha ha. Good Lord.
[00:07:22] And she says, hi, Dan. I'm speechless and flattered. I mean, like, okay, like, it's not so bad, but like, even at this point, like, it's like, men, be aware. Like it's not okay to talk about a woman's body when you've just met her. So let's just keep it at bay.
[00:07:41] And then he says, it's true. Smiley face. I mean, goodness, no offense, but the best legs I've seen. And the ass.
[00:07:53] Sorry, I. And he says, oh my God. Hahaha. Face sitting, quality smiley face.
[00:08:01] So this man met her at Home Depot and two texts in, that's what he says.
[00:08:11] No offense, but the best legs I've seen. And that ass. Oh my God. Haha. Face sitting quality Hope that isn't too honest.
[00:08:22] Come again?
[00:08:24] Like, what the.
[00:08:26] And what gives you the right to text that to someone?
[00:08:34] You are just a child and a piece of. Like, I'm just, I'm floored. And.
[00:08:44] And she is a beautiful woman and there's a billion things you could say about her that don't talk about her legs, her ass and sitting on your fucking face.
[00:08:54] And like, do you actually think that that's what a woman wants to see and read?
[00:09:01] So then she says to him, ha ha, it's a bit much for me considering I don't know you. Best of luck though. And I'm like so excited for her. Like, fuck, shut that shit down. We should always be shutting that Shit down. And he says, oh, no sad face. Haha, I didn't mean to ruin it with that comment. I am sorry.
[00:09:19] You guys remember when we were talking about like the test and apologize from Burn the Haystack? Like, oh, let me insult you and see, like, see if you're okay with it. And if you're not, like, then I'll be like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm being a dick. Like, no, you should just not be a dick to start.
[00:09:38] And then she, she's being very kind, you know, because this is what the women we do. She says, all good. Can I ask your age?
[00:09:46] Because now she's probably like, well, what is wrong with this guy? And like she's still even. Like, the fact that she's still talking to him is far more than he deserves.
[00:09:58] And he says 34 on you. And she says 44. And he says, well, you don't even look close.
[00:10:05] Would you consider a younger guy? I mean, you really are jaw dropping. And I can't get over those killer legs and that perfect ass. Haha. I mean, perfection. And he still goes on like, what the fuck?
[00:10:20] And this is, this is, this is just like, I'm like, I want to meet somebody in the wild. And then you hear this and you're like, oh my God, it's, it's horrible.
[00:10:29] It's horrible that a man thinks that he is entitled to comment on your body that thinks that he, that, that what he's doing and texting is okay. It is not so ick anyways.
[00:10:50] It just, you know, I really try to like, have faith and think that things are going to go well and I just, I'm not sure.
[00:11:01] Um, I was talking with somebody on Hinge and I, I think he's a, like a really good person, I think. But I also think I give like to her point. Like you give people chances and you, you even continue a conversation after the audacity that he has to say the things he has instead of like fucking blocking him.
[00:11:29] So I'm talking with this guy and he, he seems like there's no red flags in his profile that I saw, but he says like in, in mind, I'm like, sorry, I'm jumping around. But I, I say that I'm looking for like a serious monogamous relationship.
[00:11:49] And you know, I was saying like, I don't expect that, like, you know, it takes time to develop that kind of connection.
[00:12:02] And I, and I, and I said, I, I comment, I said, I'm not like looking. I don't know that I ever want to get married again. But for me, when I say I'm not looking to get married, it doesn't mean that I'm not looking for, like, a life partner or somebody to, like, share my life with. It just means, like, the ceremony of marriage is not something I necessarily want to do.
[00:12:23] And so he wrote it, wrote me back, and he was saying, like, all the girls I've been talking to don't want a boyfriend. They just want a friend with benefits kind of thing. And I don't have time for that. He says, but then he says, I don't want commitment, but I want someone that wants more than just get togethers.
[00:12:42] I want someone that wants to go on a vacation with me, that wants to meet my limited number of friends, et cetera.
[00:12:50] And I'm like, but you say you don't want commitment.
[00:12:54] And he's like, well, I feel like we're aligned. And I said, it sounds like you want commitment if that's what you're looking for. Vacations and friends are usually reserved for, like, someone you're in a committed relationship with.
[00:13:08] And he kind of backtracked and was like, no, no, no. Like, I, I, I want that.
[00:13:14] But, you know, when someone writes, I'm, I don't want commitment. Like, you know, the, the same thing. Like, if somebody is saying, if someone's telling you who they are or showing you who they are and you choose not to listen, that's, that's on you. And I wonder if that's one of those instances where I'm like, wait a minute, you just said it. And then I said, I do. Like, I don't know.
[00:13:41] So, red flag.
[00:13:43] We'll see.
[00:13:45] I don't know.
[00:13:46] Anyways, maybe I'll meet some dreamboat in Costa Rica. Probably not, because I'll be sitting by the pool with my face in a book.
[00:14:02] All right, you guys. So back to burn the haystack. Our next lesson.
[00:14:08] Our next lesson of the day is disciplinary directive.
[00:14:13] And here's an example of, of a message or a profile. It says, read, say something before you get busy. If you can only talk when a man texts first, then don't match with me.
[00:14:27] And that's all in caps. So, like yelling, I'm honest and looking for a very particular woman. Read carefully.
[00:14:35] You. You too old to be playing childish games.
[00:14:40] FYI, I delete women that don't match and don't say hello. I will delete you.
[00:14:47] When two people are meeting in the middle, there's no chasing. Be a grown woman and don't Play little girl games.
[00:14:54] So what they say about this kind of profile, she says, like, this kind of language is not a show of strength or clarity. It's not admirable.
[00:15:05] Um, it's a sign of toxic toxicity.
[00:15:10] And she says, all of these examples, which I didn't read, all of them are taken from the about me section of men's profiles.
[00:15:21] She said, these guys are revealing that the most important thing about them is that they're angry at you and they feel comfortable yelling at you before they've even met you. Imagine that in real life.
[00:15:35] Oh, my God. And you guys have heard me read so many profiles similar to that.
[00:15:41] Like, they're comfortable yelling at you before they've even met you. They're so angry at.
[00:15:46] Whatever.
[00:15:49] Like, so gross. So gross.
[00:15:55] So that's your lesson for today. Block and burn those bitches.
[00:16:01] All right, so my funnies, you guys, there's so many. There's so many.
[00:16:11] I know I didn't send out a newsletter of them last week. And I will work on this on the plane because maybe it's like, biweekly now, because I also know that I'm bad about following up and sending things, so I'm gonna try to be better because you guys need to see these profiles.
[00:16:32] This guy says dating me will look like.
[00:16:36] And it's like, imagine you're on your knees staring up at a fat man with tattoos all over his stomach, and he's looking down at you.
[00:16:48] That's his picture.
[00:16:50] Dating me will look like you're on your knees staring up at me.
[00:16:58] So fucking gross.
[00:17:05] And says my love language. Physical touch for sure. Snug cuddling, a require or a requirement? I love a requirement. Please tell me what more require, what other requirements you have.
[00:17:18] It's through consistent physical touch that we are structurally connected.
[00:17:24] With that connectedness comes communication, bonding, emotional connectedness, etc. So everything is based on sex.
[00:17:35] Pass.
[00:17:37] Fucking hard pass.
[00:17:41] This guy his simple pleasures. Going to places an ambulance can't reach and doing things that may very require.
[00:17:50] Can't talk.
[00:17:52] Going to places an ambulance can't reach and doing the things that very well may require an ambulance pass.
[00:18:02] This guy says, typical Sunday golf. Working in the yard, working in the garage, working on a honey do list.
[00:18:10] Isn't a honey do list from a honey?
[00:18:13] Like, are you married, bro?
[00:18:15] Like. Or do you just write yourself a honey do list that I think you might still be married?
[00:18:26] This guy.
[00:18:28] And these are all, like, from my. What I've come across in mine.
[00:18:34] I go crazy. Four win me with conversation. Keep Me laughing.
[00:18:40] Look me in the eyes, casually tie that cherry stem. Then grab my hand and say, let's go.
[00:18:48] And I promise to reciprocate.
[00:18:50] So disgusting. So, so, so, so, so disgusting.
[00:18:57] Like, I just can't. I just can't, you guys. Like, This is not funny. But this guy, he started the conversation with.
[00:19:16] So what motivates you on the most? What motivates you the most on a hard day, dude?
[00:19:27] I mean, like, I don't want. Hey, hey.
[00:19:31] But that's your opener. Like, that feels like a lot. Like.
[00:19:40] I'll tell you what I wrote back to him. I said, not sure. I need a lot of motivation. Either I am or not. I believe in balance and rest.
[00:19:46] I believe in balance and rest when needed. I'm super driven. So there's not a lot of days that I need something beyond coffee. You. I didn't hear back from him.
[00:19:57] This creeper guy says you should leave a comment if you like to fly fish.
[00:20:02] I probably think, like, I mean, I. I'm sure there's some women that like to fly fish, but.
[00:20:09] All right, we're getting to the last two, and these are the best.
[00:20:19] My name is Matthew, not Matt. Matthew means gift of the Lord.
[00:20:26] I did not fact check this. So we should.
[00:20:28] Which dating me is to you.
[00:20:37] Matt means something you walk on, which I'm not.
[00:20:41] Thanks, Matt.
[00:20:45] And then lastly, we have this gentleman who is actually.
[00:20:51] And this is why you want to subscribe to the newsletter.
[00:20:54] Sitting on top of a toilet naked.
[00:20:58] Looks like he's taking a shit.
[00:21:00] And he's holding the phone, looking down at him. Now we can't see his dick.
[00:21:07] We can see his stomach sitting over his legs and the toilet paper roll.
[00:21:15] You guys, I can't make this up.
[00:21:20] It is.
[00:21:22] This may be the worst photo I have ever seen on a dating profile.
[00:21:27] Sitting on the toilet naked.
[00:21:33] Lord help us.
[00:21:34] Like, I.
[00:21:37] I really.
[00:21:40] I really would like to find somebody.
[00:21:42] I really believe in it, but that.
[00:21:48] That makes me want to vomit and makes me want to commit to a life of solidarity.
[00:21:59] Please, men, if you're listening, never send a woman a picture of you on the toilet. They do not want to see it.
[00:22:06] And then please never post that photo publicly. Please, begging you, please also, never meet a woman in Home Depot and tell her you want her to sit on your face.
[00:22:20] Go yourself.
[00:22:22] All right, you guys, I hope you have a lovely week. And, yeah, thanks for letting me entertain you.
[00:22:34] I'll talk to you next week.
