Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:09] I don't know what's up with the planets or the eclipse or the red moon. Blood moon, but I feel like the last week has.
[00:00:22] Has been a lot, I think, just for most people.
[00:00:29] I'm tired of weeks feeling like they're a lot. I'm. I'm a little exhausted by this. I'm also a little exhausted by my kids being homesick all the time. And I'm.
[00:00:40] I'm just.
[00:00:44] Yeah, I. I even sent my dog away for a night.
[00:00:49] Well, I didn't send him away. He's with his lovely aunt and uncle who adore him and want to see him, which is why he's not here. But everything just feels like a lot.
[00:01:03] And so I'm.
[00:01:06] I will take the little break.
[00:01:10] I've been having conversations this week.
[00:01:13] It feels like there is kind of a similar message going around or the similar questions, and it's about loneliness.
[00:01:24] I definitely miss J, Man. And it's really hard. It's really hard not to reach out.
[00:01:34] But I don't know what reaching out, what good it would do. And like, I want to be. I want to know he's okay, but that's not my role now. And it's.
[00:01:48] It's hard.
[00:01:49] It's hard to let people go.
[00:01:53] But we were talking, like, I was talking with some friends about, like, what's. What's worse, like missing someone or being with someone and wishing you were alone.
[00:02:09] And I think the consensus is, well, I believe being with someone and wishing you were alone is worse than actually being alone.
[00:02:22] And then I went upped it. I was like, what about being with someone and being alone?
[00:02:34] Not just wishing you were alone, but being with someone and knowing you were alone in the relationship or being with someone and feeling like you're alone in the relationship.
[00:02:45] I think that's worse.
[00:02:46] I had that in my marriage. And that's a really horrible feeling to. To know that you have someone that is married to you. And yet, not only do I want to be alone, I.
[00:03:05] Well, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be with them.
[00:03:09] And I felt alone.
[00:03:13] The first time I ever had that feeling. I can remember exactly where I was, and I was in high school.
[00:03:20] I was dating my high school sweetheart who is, ah, he's a. He was. He was a great guy, but I was also like a teenage girl and insanely hormonal.
[00:03:38] And I remember, like, getting in a fight and wishing I would disappear, like, sitting on his bed and like, curled up and, like, wish, like. Like, close my eyes and, like, remember, like, I don't pray, but, like, it was like a. Like, I want to. Like, I just want to disappear. I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. I don't want, like, this overcoming, like, feeling of.
[00:04:13] I felt like, me saying, like, I want to disappear, but I felt very alone.
[00:04:20] And when you're in somebody's presence and when you're with someone, to feel alone is a really.
[00:04:30] It's. It's really impactful, and it makes me really sad. And it makes me really sad for people who are in relationships that wish they weren't in relationships. Um, like, and. And. And I know it might be a phase. It. It might not be, like, I just don't want to be with this person right now. Um, maybe it looks different in a couple weeks or a month or two or.
[00:04:58] But when you feel like you don't have an out or you have to stick around.
[00:05:08] I'm sorry. That's a really horrible feeling, and that's a really shitty feeling. And it's.
[00:05:14] I don't wish that on anyone. And I know things are not always roses and fucking butterflies, but I think the first time you feel that and you acknowledge it, if you can get back to a place where you're happy and don't want to be alone, good. But I also feel like that. That. That time you feel it, and if it continues to repeat itself, you know, it's when probably things need to change.
[00:05:50] And I don't know what that looks like for everybody, but I would rather be alone than with someone and want to be alone or with someone and feel alone.
[00:06:04] So even though I'm a little angsty and sad and, you know, pick up and send a text or type a text, but don't send it. Yeah, I'm in that. I'm in that stage.
[00:06:19] I know we've all been there.
[00:06:22] It sucks. I hate it.
[00:06:26] So also talking about whatever the moon, whatever energies in this world right now, I had a friend, an old colleague, reach out and he said, hey, I want to. I think I would like to set you up with someone.
[00:06:40] My trainer.
[00:06:42] I think you guys would get along really well.
[00:06:45] I was like, hey, like, not really looking, but yeah, sure. Like, I'll send my number, I'll talk to the guy, and maybe we'll grab a drink or something, like. But I'm like, I really, really, really, really don't want to be dating right now, but I still am out there looking for my person.
[00:07:06] So, okay, sure.
[00:07:09] So trainer sends me a text. Like, it's nice. We both grew up in Michigan.
[00:07:18] Just mean. We probably sent 10 messages here and there, back and forth, like, over a day. Like, nothing intense, nothing.
[00:07:26] Just high level. Like, what do you do?
[00:07:28] Where you from? I have kids. He has no kids.
[00:07:32] We should grab a drink. Okay. Yeah, we should. We should grab a drink this weekend. Let's, you know, can't hurt.
[00:07:42] But a few days go by. Like, we're not texting, which is. I'm. Yeah, great wit.
[00:07:50] All right, I'm gonna have to pull up my text because I.
[00:07:54] You guys, I had a moment where I lost my mind.
[00:08:00] I lost my mind.
[00:08:03] I'm. I'm pulling this up for you guys. But, you guys, I'm 46.
[00:08:10] I had to. I had to think about that. And menopause is. Is here. Perimenopause has been here. But they say. And I'm sure you guys don't want to know all about my shit, but they say you're in menopause a year after you've had your last period. So I am like, two months away from officially in menopause.
[00:08:41] Not that that excuses me losing my shit, but maybe it does because I'm meeting other women. I'm talking to other women that are in the same age, and they're like, my tolerance is way down for bullshit. My, like, things that I used to be able to just kind of roll with. I can't. Like, things like relationships have changed because I.
[00:09:08] I no longer am allowing myself to tolerate the bullshit.
[00:09:14] Um, which is. It's. It's fascinating. And it's.
[00:09:19] I'm like, fuck, yeah, it's about time.
[00:09:21] I'm kind of empowered by this. So anyways, trainer reaches out. Hey, like, what's speaking? Looking like you want to grab a drink? I was like, yep, pretty open.
[00:09:34] Let me know what you're thinking for drink. Like, I don't know what your schedule is. Like, blah, blah, blah.
[00:09:38] And then because I'm me, you guys, please forgive me for this.
[00:09:47] And I said one question before we go out.
[00:09:51] Are you a Trump supporter?
[00:09:53] Again, I'm not here to talk politics, but I do feel like as a woman living in 2026 and a woman that has kids and wants to protect her kids and a woman that wants to fight for women's rights, and as a woman that doesn't believe that it's okay that our president is. Has raped young women and just goes out and declares war without Congress anyways. Off my soapbox. But, like, I feel Like, I need to make sure if I'm spending time with anyone that our values are aligned.
[00:10:32] And it doesn't mean that if you voted for Trump and you don't still agree with it. Like, I didn't ask, did you vote? I just asked, are you a Trump supporter? Because if you are, in my head, I'm like, there's no. Let's not waste our time because we're not going. We're. We're not going to make it. We're not going to line. We're not going to be friends. Like, we're just. We're not there.
[00:10:58] So I asked that, and I think that's fair.
[00:11:02] But that's. Anyways.
[00:11:05] And he wrote back, I'm not. Why do you ask?
[00:11:09] And I said, better to know now. If you were, I would save us both time. I think that's appropriate. Like, I'm not talking about politics. I'm just like, are we aligned now? I do have a friend, and her husband said I wouldn't like being asked that question.
[00:11:27] And I didn't get time to dive into why, but, like, get to know somebody first. And I'm like, no, no, I don't want to get to know somebody first. Like, I don't owe anybody anything, so why would I waste my time on. Anyways, okay?
[00:11:51] So I said, better to know now.
[00:11:54] If you were, I would save us both time. And he says, thank you for your directness. I'm a bit burnt out on constant conversations about politics. I'm going to pass on this weekend.
[00:12:07] You're going to pass on this weekend because you don't want to talk about politics. But I wasn't even talking about politics. I just wanted to make sure we were aligned. And I, like, raged inside.
[00:12:20] Like, this text just fucking put me off the deep end. Like, I was in my house. I did not have my kids screaming, screaming like, you guys are probably like, you're losing your mind, Tracy. I might be. I don't know if it's like, the moon or menopause or I'm sad or you're just an entitled piece of.
[00:12:56] And, like, why. Why would that just turn me into a. Like, it made me insane.
[00:13:07] And I think it made me insane because I was like, well, you either lied and you are a Trump supporter or you're an entitled piece of shit white man that can't handle a hard conversation and can't understand why a woman would want to make sure that, hey, you believe in women's rights? Like.
[00:13:32] Like, maybe I should have asked, do you believe in Women's rights. Maybe I should have asked different questions, but I thought the way I asked was direct enough, but, like, didn't imply I wanted to sit and have conversations about politics.
[00:13:49] So the fact that now you don't want to go out for a drink with me because I asked if you're a Trump supporter, just, it doesn't set so, so I launch back, I said, all right, I have zero desire for political conversations, but I think it's important to be of similar mind and the way we see the world. So I guess we must not be. Best of luck to you.
[00:14:17] I felt like you said we were aligned, so I'm a little confused.
[00:14:22] Not a supporter, but okay.
[00:14:27] That's nice. Ish. That's nice. Like, if you know me, I can't just, like, it's really hard for me to let things go.
[00:14:41] And the fact that this person, even right now, I'm, I'm emotional because I'm just like men. I just, it makes me so angry. It makes me so angry. So I continue.
[00:15:00] I, I, I don't know how many minutes was between these texts, but I wait a while.
[00:15:06] And I sent another text because I just can't, I can stop.
[00:15:13] I said, and one more thing, because I'm a strong woman, I need to know who's safe to date. So I think it's a very fair question to ask someone if with Trump, and I hope more women ask it. I said, sorry. Your response was very triggering, and I feel the responsibility, responsibility to tell you on behalf of all women, it's pretty shit. You don't want to meet up because I asked you if you respected women.
[00:15:40] Politics are not something I want to deal with, but given our world, I have no other choice.
[00:15:48] Guess what, guys? He didn't respond.
[00:15:52] I feel like I went a little crazy, but also, like, maybe not crazy enough because, Because off you, that's, that's what I want to say, you know? And I, I, I was talking to a friend about that text, and I was like, yeah, I kind of went off and, and politics is a big thing these days.
[00:16:26] I've never, I've never experienced.
[00:16:31] Well, I have asked people before, like, who they voted for, like, but this world right now feels especially important to ask.
[00:16:45] And the thing, the thing that's fascinating is that the type of men I date, typically not J Man are more blue collar, might be Trump supporters.
[00:17:07] Oh, it's just not something I can do.
[00:17:11] So, yeah, I don't know if that's menopause. I don't know what the, that Is. But I lost my.
[00:17:18] And I told, I was, I actually told this story at work the other day because I was like sometimes we just like you need to like rage scream or like you need to just.
[00:17:33] I was so. I, I needed to let it out. All the things somebody was telling me that they have when their kids come home, like in the first five minutes or whatever, when they get home, they rage scream together. They let it out like whatever.
[00:17:53] Whatever you had that was wrong today or.
[00:17:57] Cause like you gotta let it out because otherwise it kills you.
[00:18:04] And I'm not the best at letting it out. So go. Rage scream.
[00:18:13] Oh my gosh.
[00:18:16] Yeah. So I know I told you guys I would have some funnies. I feel like that's decently funny. I, I really have not been online searching for funnies or on any singles pages to see even what's happening.
[00:18:34] I really just, I really don't have it in me right now.
[00:18:39] So what I'm doing instead, I'm doing duolingo and I am on a. What streak am I on? I. I'm on a 25 day streak with Duolingo and it's, it's funny.
[00:18:58] So I guess this is my funny.
[00:19:00] The things that it's teaching me and I'm, I'm a little curious as like how, how this prepares me for traveling or life.
[00:19:13] But there's a lot of focus on tuolingo about learning how to say my husband is lazy.
[00:19:25] Like days, days associated with this. Like it comes up every day. How do you, like how do you say your husband's lazy?
[00:19:37] I don't know if that means that Hispanic men are lazy. This is like a general term we need to know. Or they're just trying to teach us words so we can say things in front of our husband. Like you're lazy in Spanish and he won't know.
[00:19:59] Yeah, that's my funny. That's what I've been doing with my time instead of on the dating apps which is probably a lot more enjoyable and more fulfilling. So anyways, I, I will, I will, I promise I will have more funnies. Funnies will come along and I've hopefully will ease back on the, the rage.
[00:20:28] I did call my friend out for that. I was like, better screening next time.
[00:20:33] He's like, yeah, clearly.
[00:20:36] Oops. I hope I didn't hurt your relationship with your trainer.
[00:20:41] Plus, how am I gonna date a trainer? Like I'm not in shape. Like, this is not. This is. This would not be good for me. It would probably be really. I would, I would have I would be very self conscious because he would be like, want to go work out? And I'd be like, are you saying I'm fat?
[00:21:02] Yeah, definitely.
[00:21:04] Definitely escaped that one. And I'm okay with that.
[00:21:12] All right, you guys, thank you, thank you. Thank you for listening.
[00:21:16] I've been working on the webpage, so maybe next week I'll have it all, like, spruced up, but if you don't follow, follow along. Follow on Spotify, follow on Instagram.
[00:21:30] I.
[00:21:32] I really, really appreciate everyone, and, yeah, so much more on the journey to come. All right, everybody, have a great week.
