Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:08] So this last week, I met some of J Man's friends. Like, I feel like that's a pretty big step, introducing someone you're dating to your friends. I mean, I do it early on and I was trying to think, like, I haven't met anybody's friends or family in so long because in any poly relationship, I was always the second or third or I was, I was down on the totem pole. So, like, I, I wasn't introduced as like, somebody's girlfriend to people like, and any monogamous, like, dating I've done, we've got not gotten serious enough.
[00:01:03] Well, I feel like maybe that's wrong because Sparky and I, I, I feel like we weren't a couple. But anyways, yeah, he wasn't even, after dating for eight months, comfortable introducing me to anybody. I never met anybody he worked with, lived with, was friends with.
[00:01:28] I think that's kind of telling. I don't know that I've thought about this before as I'm just like, speaking it aloud. So anyways, J Man, like, the whole weekend was almost seriously, like, dedicated to meeting different people in different friend groups. So Friday we went out with a couple that he's friends with with and had a great time. They were awesome. They were really great. And I mean, I might question J Man's like, I asked like, what do I wear? And he was like, super casual.
[00:02:03] He's like, I'm wearing a hoodie. You know, it was definitely a little more than super casual. And then the next night we went out and he was like, I'm wearing a button up in a suit jacket. And I dressed up and I could have worn sweatpants.
[00:02:18] So we're, we're questioning his, his, his what to wear advice. However, yeah, Friday was awesome. Met some of his friends, and then Saturday he invited me to go with him to two parties. One was like a work party, and that was awesome. And then another one was like, friends he have has known through, I think it's, you know, through his ex. He became friends with them and some like, groups combined. But anyways, they were all super nice and fun.
[00:02:56] But yeah, like kind of going from a kind of buttoned up party to not. And I felt overdressed and all this stuff that comes with dating and learning. But, but yeah, it was really good and it was really, really nice to be introduced to people, you know. Like, I don't have that fear. Like, I would rather introduce someone to my friends and my people.
[00:03:24] Sooner than later. Later. Because I don't know, like it's a, it's a really important aspect.
[00:03:32] He did say like you fit it. Like you can fit in wherever you are. And I do pride myself on that. I mean it's something like I, I do like talking to people. I am probably not as outgoing as I am here when I'm meeting new people, but I wanna, I wanna know their story, I wanna know what they're about, I wanna know how they know him.
[00:03:55] And you know, I do wanna make a good impression.
[00:03:59] I wanna represent myself, himself. Well. And I think, I think I did it.
[00:04:07] Yeah. So. But I will say, you know this flirting after 40 is like for the birds because I, like we didn't, I don't know, we got home around 1 on Saturday, 1am and I just, I don't do that and it's, it's hard on me. Like I, I feel kind of old. Like. And it was funny on Friday we were out with a couple like probably around our same age and I was talking to the woman about hot flashes and I'm like the funny shit that gets said at a dinner table or conversation, you know, like at a bar while we have a drinks after you're 40 is a little different than maybe what my life looked like before but, but it's something to laugh about.
[00:05:06] I will give him shits.
[00:05:08] Jman shit because he did call me by his ex's name.
[00:05:16] I'm not reading too much into it because we were out and we were with, it was, you know, people he had met through her.
[00:05:27] I'm sure that's kind of maybe weird also to bring your new girlfriend around that. I mean everybody was great but yeah, I, I, I could imagine that that would be weird.
[00:05:42] So I'm, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. But it will be in the back of my brain for a little while.
[00:05:50] Nobody likes, nobody likes that.
[00:05:55] You know. I'm trying to think of if I've ever called somebody the wrong name and I don't think I have.
[00:06:02] But I could see, I could see how it happens. I just, I just hope that I'm more suited for him and I'm more compatible with him than. She was kind of curious. I didn't ask this. I should have probably asked this like, like, was it just like a, a slip up? Is there something that makes you think of her when you're with me?
[00:06:33] But I was, I mean it was after it was 1am and like I wasn't going there.
[00:06:41] I did get a Little emotional.
[00:06:45] Yeah. I don't know. Like, I guess these things are bound to happen in any relationship. Not calling somebody the wrong name, but that. There's little hiccups and little moments of.
[00:07:02] I'm not. I don't. I. I don't know if I'm calling them flags because it's. I don't think it's a flag. Like, I don't feel like.
[00:07:09] I don't feel like he's interested in her or, like, I don't feel like there's anything like that I have to worry about. So that's why I'm kind of like.
[00:07:16] I think I can easily let it go, but I'm here to share all the.
[00:07:24] All the shit that comes with dating and a new relationship and the things that happen and.
[00:07:30] Yeah, anyways. But the weekend overall was super great, super fun.
[00:07:39] I still like him. He kept asking me, like, you still like me? Yes, I still like you.
[00:07:47] It's gonna. It's gonna take a little bit more than that to. To break me.
[00:07:53] So I know I haven't had, like, a funny for a while, like, funny funnies, but I think the rest of this episode is going to be funny.
[00:08:05] So Sam, you guys know, he reached out and. And asked, you know, am I still blocked?
[00:08:15] Are you still mad at me?
[00:08:18] And I had let him know, no, you're not blocked.
[00:08:21] Didn't address the mad at me question.
[00:08:25] Then I, like, kind of was like, why? Why are you reaching out? And he was like, well, I was just thinking about you.
[00:08:34] My therapist and I have this thing, like, and. And maybe this happens to a lot of people, I don't know, but where men cycle back in my life, like, it could be four months, it could be two weeks, it could be six months, it could be two years.
[00:08:52] I will randomly get reached out to by most men that I've dated in some way or some form.
[00:09:00] And she. She thinks it's like. Like I'm a healer. Like, I have this healing energy, and I have an energy that attracts them back because they feel really good about themselves when they're with me. I don't know if that's true. Um, but anyways, so Sam reached out and was like, just thinking about you. And then I, like. I was like, don't say anything, Trace. And you guys heard me, like, just shut this down.
[00:09:29] Don't say anything. And then I can't help myself. I like, poke, Poke the bear. And I'm like, you know, I find it surprising something along those lines that, like, I haven't even received an apology.
[00:09:42] And he was. He didn't apologize. He was like, you.
[00:09:51] You kind of gave me an ultimatum.
[00:09:54] Like, he kind of turned it back on me anyways.
[00:09:58] And he was like, I would. I can't talk this weekend, but I'm happy to talk Monday, Tuesday. This is a week or two ago.
[00:10:05] I just didn't respond. I was like, you know, because, like, nothing I have to say is gonna change the situation, nor do I need it to change the situation. I'm. I'm good. Like, he let me down. I've moved on.
[00:10:19] We're good.
[00:10:20] So I don't hear anything.
[00:10:22] And then last night, I get a text that says, like, hey, are you up? Can you talk?
[00:10:29] And I wrote him back and I said, yeah, I'm up, but I'm. My kids are here, and I don't think we have anything to talk about. Like, my friend. People that I think are my friends and that I deem are my friends would never treat me the way you treated me. And I don't think that.
[00:10:48] I don't. Like, I don't think talking is going to change anything. And it made me sad. Makes me sad. But, like, I don't think we have anything to talk about.
[00:10:58] And he responded like, I would really like to talk to you. So I was like, okay, fine, let's. Let's talk.
[00:11:05] So we get on the phone and he's just like, oh, my gosh. Like, just hearing your voice, like, makes me so nostalgic for you.
[00:11:24] And, like.
[00:11:27] Like, he wasn't. He wasn't apologizing. He wasn't saying he missed me. He was just saying, like, you know, we became friends again and hung out and, like, I'd like to continue to be your friend.
[00:11:42] And, you know, I was. I was really honest. I said, I find that funny because I said, you know, we had spent two full days together, and Mother's Day was the weekend, and where I lost my shit. And I was like, if someone like, oh. And I backed up. I backed up. I said, listen, I thought you were interested in dating me.
[00:12:12] I said, I thought you were pursuing me. And if I read that wrong and you just wanted a fuck toy, you should have told me that.
[00:12:22] And he was like, no, that's not what I was looking for at all. Like, I.
[00:12:26] I was pursuing you. And. But. But, you know, logistics and distance don't work in our favor.
[00:12:35] And I'm like, logistics and distance, you're right. They don't. You're in California.
[00:12:41] Um, but you knew that when you reached out to me, the first time, and you knew that when you reached out to me the second and the third and the fourth and the fifth, and when we would talk for hours and then you came into town, you knew this. Um, so the thing that I don't like about it is just that it doesn't feel honest.
[00:13:03] And I would rather somebody be honest and just a fucking dick than lie to me to make themselves feel better.
[00:13:15] So he's like, yeah, you know, but like, logistics. It just felt like it wouldn't happen and. But like, this conversation never happened in, like, we've never had this conversation. So it was something that was in his.
[00:13:29] Like, he was thinking about, yet he was unable to articulate it to me during any. Any time.
[00:13:38] So I go back and I'm like, I hang out with you, and we have a great time.
[00:13:44] You leave, I don't hear anything from you.
[00:13:47] A weekend goes by, it's Mother's Day. And I said, and, like, I need to acknowledge this because, like, my kids are my world, and, like, they're assholes 99% of the time, but I still would do fucking anything for them.
[00:14:06] And being celebrated as a single mom, as a mom, like, how. How do you.
[00:14:14] And I'm like, even emotional, like, talking about it.
[00:14:18] How does even somebody that's, like, interested or kind of pseudo interested or just spent two days with me not recognize the fact that I put so much into my children and can't even see, send a fucking text that says, happy Mother's Day. I hope your kids are treating you good, or I hope you got to do something fun for mother and any fucking acknowledgement. So I'm like, I'm. I'm on the phone with him last night, and I'm like, yeah, Like, I just don't understand that.
[00:14:55] And he. He was like, well, you.
[00:14:58] He spins it. You gave me an ultimatum. And I said, no, I didn't give you an ultimatum. I just set a boundary. I set a bound boundary because you clearly cannot show up. Like, I need. And I reminded him, I said, I don't know. A couple weeks before that, you just disappeared for a week, and I didn't hear from you. And I told you, if you're interested in me, I need to know it. And I need your actions to show that that was more of the ultimatum. I said, the Mother's Day, me blocking you is not an ultimatum. It's a boundary. It's for me.
[00:15:36] So I think he was a little confused about that.
[00:15:40] And he's like, I don't like being given ultimatums.
[00:15:44] Okay, okay. Like, it's not an ultimate. Like, you can set your boundaries, too. Like, hey, I want to hang out with you when I want to hang out with you, and I don't give a fuck about anything else in your life. Like, that would be something, but you should probably let me know that.
[00:16:03] And then he says, I just, you know, I don't know you as a mom, so I don't think about you as a mom.
[00:16:13] And so that's why he didn't reach out on Mother's Day.
[00:16:19] Part of me wants to be a little sympathetic to that comment.
[00:16:24] And then part of me is like, again, a big fu. Like, I get. I get you've not met my kids. I get. I get you know me from 20 years before. You don't know me as a mom. But during the time we were talking, I mean, half the time the kids were around and I was on the phone, I talk about my kids, like, a lot.
[00:16:50] So the fact that you can't remember or care to remember that I'm a mother, doesn't that. Like, that. That doesn't help your case either.
[00:17:02] Not that he has a case, but, like, doesn't help your argument.
[00:17:06] So he kind of wanted to shoot the shit. And I'm. I'm just like, dude, I.
[00:17:12] Like, we don't have anything to talk about. Like, you made your. Like, you made your bed.
[00:17:18] I'm happy. I don't need to. Like, I've got plenty of friends.
[00:17:22] Like, if you need a job reference sometime or need something, let me know. But, like, I don't know. Like, I expect a lot more from my friends than he has given.
[00:17:37] So then all of a sudden, like, it's. And it sounds like. Like, while I'm on the phone with him, like, he's doing something. He's either.
[00:17:45] Like, it sounds like he's smoking something.
[00:17:50] Like, I didn't ask, but I feel like, okay, he's like, on some kind of drug. This is my guess.
[00:17:59] I did not ask at the time. But then he's like, all of a sudden, like, so, Trace, like, what do you. What do you want out of your life?
[00:18:10] Like, bam, B, big question. And I. I know what I want out of my life. And I said, you know, I'm really. I want a partner.
[00:18:20] I want somebody that believes in me, and I want somebody to do the life things with. I want my kids to feel safe when they go to school. I want my kids to feel loved and encouraged, and I want them to do amazing things in their life. I want, you know, I Want my new career endeavor to take off. I want to retire where I can still enjoy my life. Maybe that's in Costa Rica. Maybe that's, I want good health. I want to be healthy, you know. And he tried at one, like, the Costa Rica, well, like, why would you want to move to Costa Rica?
[00:19:00] Like, did you do, like, like interrupting health? Like, what's wrong with your health? Like, things that now are no longer any of his business, but he wanted to interject or ask, and I just kind of skipped over it.
[00:19:14] And then I said, so what do you want out of your life? Like, what, what does your life look like? He's like, wow, you know, I asked that question but haven't thought about what the answer is. And he says, I'm sorry if you're listening, Sam, but this was horrible.
[00:19:36] He said, you know, I want to make a lot of money. And he's like, I am making a lot of money right now.
[00:19:42] So I guess I could kind of like, check that off. Like, I want, I want to make money.
[00:19:51] And then he goes, and I want, you know, someone really attractive, but, like, they have to be smart, but they, but like, they really have to be attractive, but, you know, like, people are way smarter or way more attractive when they're kind of smart, so they can't be dumb.
[00:20:13] So, like, I want somebody smart but not, but more attractive than smart. So I think maybe I'm gonna go with someone attractive.
[00:20:24] And I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about right now? Like, what? Like, you, like, you called to apologize and you haven't even apologized, but maybe you didn't call to apologize. You just called for whatever reason, and now you're telling me you, you want to make money and your life goal, your life goal is to make money and be with an attractive woman.
[00:20:56] Like, I'm, I'm so confused by the question, and I'm so confused by the answer. Like, dude, are you okay?
[00:21:05] So at this point, I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to call it. I'm going to bed.
[00:21:13] Like, I'm just chucking it up as, like, well, you, maybe your conscious is cleared because you said the things you wanted to say.
[00:21:27] I, I, I'm not one to hold grudges, but, like, I have, I'm, have no desire to clearly date you ever again.
[00:21:37] I did tell him I would. Like, he was like, well, I hope we could be friends. I was like, hey, if you're in town sometime and you want to grab coffee, let me know. But like, coffee, lunch, like, I'M not having drinks with you, I'm not having dinner with you. I'm not like, there is no like and, and even that, I'm like, fuck, no, I don't want to do that. Like, this does not sound like something I want to put my time into. I have such like, we all like, time is our most precious resource. Like why would I want to spend it with you when you clearly are fucking off your rocker and have no accountability for your actions?
[00:22:11] So I get off, we get off the phone, I wake up this morning and I'm gonna read you this text.
[00:22:19] It says thank your our talk to.
[00:22:24] And then the next bubble says T O N I G H. So I'm guessing that's tonight. So like I, I guess thank you for our talk tonight. But thank, thank our your talk to nut to tonight anyways.
[00:22:42] So I'm like, dude, I mean I, I, I have no problems with drugs, alcohol. Just let me know what you're on. Like let manage my expectations.
[00:22:56] And I'm like, I even woke up and before I even like, I was like, he had to have been on something.
[00:23:01] So again, Tracy, I cannot not poke the bear. But at like 2:30 this afternoon, I'm like, question.
[00:23:09] So were you high on something last night?
[00:23:13] Because I'm just like, I want to know, like what? Like between the text and the I want money and a hot chick, like, where were you going? Where are you going with all this?
[00:23:25] And he said he had some vodka.
[00:23:29] I think there was more than vodka.
[00:23:32] I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe it was just vodka. Maybe he was just shooting shots of vodka.
[00:23:38] I don't know. But it makes like, it's fascinating. And I feel like the thing is that I'm in such a better place.
[00:23:53] And it's funny to think back to that time when I was like, you guys, you know, he's given me hope that like, maybe there's somebody out there. And maybe what his role was was just to do that, just to give me hope. It's not hope in him. It's hope that, you know, there it will be somebody out there.
[00:24:13] Maybe it's J, man, I don't know. But like he gave me that hope.
[00:24:18] It's not in him.
[00:24:20] And I think I misplaced that hope.
[00:24:23] But, but it's not there any longer.
[00:24:27] I kind like, I kind of would like to put this chapter to bed and say adios to Sam. But we will see. There won't be any reach out on my part outside of poking.
[00:24:45] Like, was that like, what kind of drug was that? Because, I don't know. That might. That might be fun.
[00:24:53] Anyways, you guys, thank you for listening, as always, and I hope you guys have a great week. I will talk to you next week.
