Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there, it's Tracy, and welcome back to flirn after 40.
[00:00:10] Okay. You guys know I had a weekend planned with J. Man this last weekend, and it definitely went better than I expected.
[00:00:24] I mean, I thought it was gonna go good. I was. I'm. I was pretty sure it was gonna go good, but I don't know, it just. It was easy.
[00:00:34] It was fun.
[00:00:36] It was like.
[00:00:41] I don't know. Like, I don't. I don't know what it's called when you just. Authentic Me. Authentic. Like, I was purely myself, and I think he was purely himself. I hope at least.
[00:00:52] Um, I have not laughed that much in years.
[00:00:59] Like, truly. Um, my face hurt at times. I. I was like, I'm gonna pee my pants. Like, it was.
[00:01:09] It was so good.
[00:01:10] So we go up and, like, I drove on the way up, and he's not used to anybody driving, so I think he was a little anxious.
[00:01:22] And I drove through Independence Pass, which, you know, I could kill us both with the turn of the wheel, and I didn't.
[00:01:29] But he was very complimentary. Like, you're a really good mountain driver, and I feel safe and. But I love his sense of humor because he was like, I don't even know. Like, I don't know how to be a passenger. Like, I don't know what to do with my hands. Like, I'm normally driving. Like, what do I do? And, like. Which is soup. Like. Yes, I get that.
[00:01:53] Very cute. We. The first night we went, we had some food in town, and it wasn't very good. And anyways, like, we're both on. I just feel like we're both on the same page of, like.
[00:02:10] Like, I don't know, you get bad food, not bad food, but, like, we can critique food and not feel like anyone is judging the other person for picking that restaurant.
[00:02:20] The next day, we went into Aspen and I picked a coffee shop. And it was so uncomfortable for me. And it was kind of the running joke of the weekend of just like, I was paralyzed walking into this place that felt like we were walking into a Kardashian, I don't know, party.
[00:02:41] But it was a coffee shop in Aspen at 9am and I was like, oh, my God, we were so out of our element. I was just hoping for, like. Like, kind of a small town coffee shop where you can get a fucking cup of coffee and a croissant and. Or bagel. And, like, not the. Not everybody's done up to the nines. Um, we went and saw Maroon Bells. We like to see.
[00:03:04] I Don't know, like, go tour things kind of in the same way of, like, let's go look at them and not spend hours there.
[00:03:11] Um, I was sick the first morning, and he was very kind to me of, like, what can I get you? What do you mean? And. Or, like, I just wanted to kind of be left alone, but, like, I could hang out, but I didn't want anyone in my space. And he was like, I didn't even have to say that. And he got it. Um, you know, we went and had dinner at this amazing seafood sushi place.
[00:03:40] Um, we went. And on the. On Saturday, we went to the farmer's market, which was. It's a great farmer's market in Aspen. And we went to the hat shop.
[00:03:54] And I'm not a big hat wearer. Like, I'll wear a cap now and then a baseball cap.
[00:04:00] But this place makes you want to wear hats.
[00:04:05] This place makes you feel like a sense of community.
[00:04:12] That sounds so weird to say about, like, a cowboy hat place.
[00:04:17] So we go in there, and he's like, one of us is buying a hat. I can guarantee this. And of course it was me.
[00:04:24] But he, Jamie Ann, sat or stood in this little shop for, I don't know, an hour and a half and. And, like, was supportive of me spending a shit ton of money. Well, it's not his money, but it's my money. But, like, supportive and, like, encouraging of the process because, like, you pick kind of a color and a hat and a fit, and how do you want it styled and how do you want all these things that I didn't even know existed to make a hat that cost more than my first car ever cost?
[00:04:57] And it was so much fun.
[00:05:00] And every time I would, like, look for him, he was looking at me. And during that experience, somebody came up to us and they were like, you guys just look so happy.
[00:05:17] And I don't know if I told you guys that before, but we've gotten that a couple times now.
[00:05:22] Strangers will come up to us and say we look happy.
[00:05:26] And I. And I think.
[00:05:29] I think what it means for me is, like, we're not.
[00:05:34] We're not on our devices. We're not.
[00:05:38] We're in it together. Like, yes, he's in this shop that I feel uncomfortable in. He probably feels uncomfortable in I'm buying a hat. But now I start to feel comfortable because I'm the one spending money anyways. It just goes on and on and on. But, like, we're in whatever situation we are in and having fun and support Supporting each other in that situation.
[00:05:59] And I have the prettiest hat I've ever had in my whole life. Like, I have this hat that I don't know. Like, well, I'm gonna make my kids, like, when they have girls, they're gonna pass this down. It's gonna be a hat that is passed down the family because it's that good and that pretty and that, like, it's, it's like, it's a, yeah, it's a hat. But it, I, I don't know, I feel like it's going to be kind of something more than just a hat in my family anyways. I, like, that's no here nor here nor there, but anyways, J man and I like, so much fun.
[00:06:43] Go eat a bunch of food that day.
[00:06:46] Just.
[00:06:48] I don't know. The, the, the, the way that I can describe our relationship is it's like this humorous, like, banter, but it's, it's not ban, it's, it's not banter in the way that, like, we're picking on each other. It's like we find the funny things in each other that we talk about and then they become jokes.
[00:07:14] I don't, I don't know what the word is for that because I don't know that I've ever experienced it. Because, like, banter to me is you're kind of picking on each other.
[00:07:23] The thing that I found with him is that, like, I, I can say something and then he be like, he can laugh at it and be like, really trace. And then it, then it becomes a joke. But it doesn't feel like he's teasing me.
[00:07:40] It feels like he's supporting me in this, like, goofy way.
[00:07:45] If you guys know what that word is, let me know. I'm, I'm not smart enough to know what that word is.
[00:07:53] Yeah, it was, it was a really great trip during, during the seafood sushi dinner, I, I, I was like, hey, you know, you guys are gonna think I'm fucking crazy.
[00:08:15] Do you want to, like, maybe come to Costa Rica with me for my birthday in January?
[00:08:21] Oh, like, I've already booked the place. I mean, like, I still can cancel it, but I didn't say that. But, like, do you, like, what do you think? And he says, that's not the question I was thinking you were gonna ask me, because I think I said, like, can I ask you a question?
[00:08:36] I'm like, what question did you think I was going to ask you? And he was like, I thought you were going to ask me if I Want to, like, be exclusive with you.
[00:08:46] And, you know, I went into this weekend with this. Like, I talked about a little bit last week of like, when do you, like, how do you become exclusive? What? Like, I don't know. I'm fucking 45. I had to think about that. Like, do you pass a note? So I was like, maybe I was passing a note. Do you want to be my girl? My boyfriend, not my girlfriend, My boyfriend. Um, so he. He's like, I thought you were gonna ask if I wanted to be exclusive. I'm like, and I said something along the lines of, like, no, you need to ask me if I wanna be exclusive with you. And he's like, I thought we kind of already had this conversation, which we kind of did when I asked him if he was seeing anybody else, and he said, no. Like, you've. You've had, like, you've had my interest since the start.
[00:09:31] Um, but I was like, we've never had. We've not had the conversation of, like, do you want to be my boyfriend? Do you want to be my girlfriend?
[00:09:39] And so I was like, no, you. This is you. You have to ask that. And, yeah, he. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I, like, started tearing up. I was like, and I'm gonna tear up now. Like, anyway. So I started tearing up, and he's like, are you having a hot flash?
[00:10:07] Welcome to dating after 45 or over 40. But anyways, he. I was like, no, I'm crying. And he's like, why are you crying?
[00:10:17] And I was just so happy. Like.
[00:10:24] And I'm. I'm tearing up again. Like, I haven't had that question asked in probably 20 years.
[00:10:34] And I, like, I really try to think, like, there's been, like, two guys. I've, like, that I'm, like, blurry on that. I've dated, but honestly, I don't think I've called them my boyfriend.
[00:10:45] And that was, like, even six years ago. So, like, regardless of that, like, I haven't had a boyfriend in many, many, many, many years. And I think for a while, like, even after, like, a divorce, like, boyfriend felt like.
[00:11:07] Well, it felt young to me. It felt like we're in high school.
[00:11:11] Like, how do you go from being married to a boyfriend? But what I. Like. But it also made me feel committed and for a long, long time, like, that is not something I wanted. I didn't want the commit that. I didn't want to feel locked in, and I didn't want to feel.
[00:11:36] Yeah. Like, it just, like, I don't know what you call it when you get older.
[00:11:39] So, no, I haven't had a boyfriend. I haven't had. I haven't had a person.
[00:11:45] And this is what it really comes down to.
[00:11:47] I haven't had a person say to me, like, I want to invest in you. I want to invest my time, my energy, my love, like, in you.
[00:12:01] And yeah, so I cried.
[00:12:05] And not in a, like, bad way, but, like, in a very happy way of like, yes, someone wants to do this with me. Somebody wants to be in it with me. And yes, so I have a boyfriend.
[00:12:27] Maybe this social experiment worked. Maybe this worked where?
[00:12:33] Or it did work where my matchmaker found someone for me that I may maybe not have, Wouldn't. Would it, would not have found on my own. And that this person, like, he makes me so happy.
[00:12:57] How, like, how is that possible? Like, how is it? I mean, maybe it's the luck of the draw. Maybe she knew something I didn't know. Maybe, like, I have friends, and I have one friend I was just out with to lunch with who I would say have been very skeptical of people I've dated and, and of how I've gone about it and like, in the poly stuff, like, don't understand it.
[00:13:34] I don't know that. That, like, I. I was telling the story, you know, about this weekend, and, like, I feel like her face lit up. Like, my face lit up. Like, the love and support is there.
[00:13:54] And I.
[00:13:55] And I. And I. And I don't think in a superficial, like, yay, you way, like, I. I genuinely feel like I could have found a person that works in my life with me and like, someone in the first. In the last, you know, eight years that, I don't know, I feel like I can truly be myself with and that he will be himself with. And we both like that. We both like the weird in each other and we both.
[00:14:37] We both get the hustle in each other.
[00:14:40] Um, I don't know. Like, it's.
[00:14:46] It's pretty fucking amazing.
[00:14:51] You know, I was going to continue my story from last week, this week, but I don't want to go back there right now. Like, I want to.
[00:15:01] I want to stay on the high. Like, and. And, you know, this story, our story, my story with J. Man has shown me where I have lacked in other relationships.
[00:15:17] And it's a really great perspective.
[00:15:21] And I will, I promise you guys, I will come back to that next week, I promise.
[00:15:28] But, like, in the meantime, for today, I just. I want to celebrate that I set.
[00:15:36] I feel like a goal is a bad Word. Because he is not a prize, and my love is not a goal, like, or being loved is not a goal. But, like, I set out with this podcast that I wanted to find love.
[00:15:54] And in the meantime, I can share my stories and let people know they're not alone.
[00:16:01] I don't know. Like, I feel like.
[00:16:06] I feel like maybe I have.
[00:16:08] And, like, I.
[00:16:15] I know it's early.
[00:16:17] I was on a.
[00:16:20] A Facebook group, and the women were asking, like, what. What is the appropriate time to introduce children to someone you're dating?
[00:16:32] And the consensus amongst the group was, like, six months to a year.
[00:16:38] And then there was like, you know, there's people outside of that bubble that are like, no. I knew I wanted to introduce them quickly. There's people in that consensus, like, yeah, like, I fucking did it in a month. And it was horrible. My kid latched onto him for me.
[00:16:57] Like, that got me thinking, because this is, like, yesterday and just, like, coming off the weekend, like, my kids have met him, and I've not made a deal about it. I've not said, like. Like, at the time, this is just a friend.
[00:17:12] I.
[00:17:14] But if he's someone that I actually want in my life and to do life things with, he'll have to be around. And I feel like my kids are older.
[00:17:28] My kids have seen me be single essentially, for eight years since I divorced their dad.
[00:17:35] My. Like, they want. I know they want me to be happy.
[00:17:40] I'm not, like, I'm not in that, like, okay, we have to do the things together.
[00:17:45] But I do hope that, you know, like, last night, I made breakfast for dinner for my kids. I made a breakfast pound of bacon and pancakes and hash browns and eggs, and I made banana bread and like, that. If I make a feast like. Like that, I can invite him over and we can all have dinner together and have fun.
[00:18:08] I mean, there's still a lot of things to navigate, and I'm not.
[00:18:14] I'm not saying this is my forever person, but I'm saying that this man, that J Man, makes me feel loved and seen, and he's so fucking funny.
[00:18:31] And I'm just. I'm having the best time.
[00:18:35] So I don't have anything else for you guys today. I just have love and joy in my life. And we'll continue on the soapbox drama of last week, next week, because that will always be here because it's the past.
[00:18:53] It. It's not going anywhere. So that story doesn't change. But I wanted to tell you guys, like, yay, matchmaker.
[00:19:02] Yay. To love And I don't know, even if we all think at times it's not there, or we are never gonna find it, or we don't even know what it feels like, these moments make me remember, like, no, this is. This is good. And we. We are all deserving of it and deserve to find someone that makes us feel those amazing things.
[00:19:30] So I'm done gushing.
[00:19:33] Woo. All right, thank you guys for listening, and I hope you have an amazing week.
