Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there. It's Tracy. Welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] Do you guys ever feel like.
[00:00:12] Like, I joke that I stalk people? I don't stalk people. I follow up. I like to know what is going on with people that I have concerns about.
[00:00:30] Like, I want to know, for example, like, the lieutenant, my story, like, where is he? What's going on? I haven't heard from him. So, like, what is his life about? I.
[00:00:44] I had to look up the other day my son's girlfriend's father because he was going over there. We've never met them. Like, I just.
[00:00:55] I want to protect my people. I want to protect myself.
[00:01:00] So I use my research abilities to do that.
[00:01:05] And I'm not being creepy. I don't think I am. Somebody might think I am, but I'm not.
[00:01:12] So, like, after me sharing with y', all, like, the lieutenant, the story of the lieutenant, I was like, I wonder, like, do I need to be worried? Where is he living? Like, I wonder what's going on?
[00:01:27] And, like, we're not friends on social media or anything like that anymore. And actually, for a while on. And I might have told you guys this on LinkedIn every now, this probably hasn't happened for about six months, but every week I would look at LinkedIn and it's like, you know, it was like, who has searched you the most? And it was always the county he works for. It was like the county's sheriff department.
[00:01:56] And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, there's no reason that that county should. Should be, like, I should be the. They should be my top search of, like, who is looking at your profile?
[00:02:09] And, you know, whatever that was, like, six months ago, it was sometime this year, I sent him a message on LinkedIn and I said, listen, like, if you'd like to talk to me, I'm happy to have a conversation, but I need you to stop, like, looking at my profile. Like, what are you. What are you looking for? What do you want to know? Like.
[00:02:32] Like, it's, It's.
[00:02:34] It became very unsettling that every week that was, you know, who had looked me, looked me up the most.
[00:02:43] And after I said that, it stopped. So I think clearly it was him.
[00:02:52] So also, he was, like, blocked. Like, I feel like he had blocked me somehow on LinkedIn. And I don't know how you do that, but anyways, I did a search for him and in this last week, and I'm not like, LinkedIn. It's open again.
[00:03:14] It's interesting, you know, he has a day job as A. As a cop, and then he's moonlighting as a.
[00:03:22] I don't know, he has another job as a kind of a motivational speaker slash coach about.
[00:03:34] It appears to be, like, the dynamics of working in law enforcement and all that comes with it.
[00:03:46] Like, I'm.
[00:03:48] I'm not really sure he should be doing that based on my history with him, but he's made it looks like a very good career of it. He's. He's speaking at conferences. He's got, I don't know, 4,000 followers on LinkedIn.
[00:04:03] Um, but I was scrolling through it, and there was. There was a post where he graduated from a local school here with a master's in something. And it was like, I want to say thank my wife for all of her, like, love and support or something like that. And I'm like, what? Like, what? Like, what the. You're. You're married. And this post was like, three or four months ago.
[00:04:37] So October, September, August, July. Like, so let's say you got married in June.
[00:04:48] And I'm like, I'm still over here spiraling.
[00:04:55] Spiraling. That's the wrong word. But I have some stress over what happened in our relationship and what happened to me.
[00:05:08] And he's all out here getting married.
[00:05:12] Like, what the. What the.
[00:05:16] That is not what I was expecting to find.
[00:05:22] And I'm. I'm truly, like, just like. Like, and it. Like.
[00:05:27] Like, do you ever have that feeling where you. You read something, you hear something, and you're just. It's.
[00:05:34] You're like, what the. And it's this, like, gut punch because, like, I'm trying to articulate my feelings because it wasn't like I was sad or mad. I'm like. I'm just, like, astonished.
[00:05:48] Like, you assaulted me. Like, it. It's probably.
[00:05:54] I feel like it.
[00:05:57] Like, I'm. I. I'm still trying to figure out the timeline. Sorry, I'm not being very articulate here. But, like, it hasn't been that long.
[00:06:04] And it hasn't been that long since you were filing for divorce or your divorce was final for sure.
[00:06:11] Like, maybe a year at most. Especially if you got married in June.
[00:06:16] Like, maybe a year. So, like, you met somebody between getting divorced, assaulting me, and then convinced them or whatever, they're madly in love with you to marry you.
[00:06:32] Holy shit.
[00:06:34] Holy shit. And I told one friend, and she. Her response was more like, I hope the woman is okay.
[00:06:42] And I told another friend, and she's like, me? Just like, what the fuck are you talking? Like, what the fuck? Like, How.
[00:06:48] How do you go from all of that to then entering into a relationship in which is so strong that you decide to get married? Um, and her point to me, which I think is a very valid point, is that, like, he cannot be alone.
[00:07:10] Like, he can't. Like, clearly, like, when he was married, he had other girlfriends or partners or whatever the fuck we were.
[00:07:21] When he was going through a divorce, he wanted me to be his monogamous partner, in which I declined.
[00:07:28] When I declined that, he turned kind of crazy, a lot of crazy.
[00:07:36] When his divorce is final, he now no longer wants to be poly and meets somebody seemingly right away and is now married to them.
[00:07:49] I just can't imagine at this age. And. And I know when I met my second husband, like, we met and we got married, I would say, I think it was probably like a year, within a year and a half.
[00:08:03] And we.
[00:08:09] We were like, maybe it's different. We both really wanted kids.
[00:08:15] That was kind of a driving factor.
[00:08:21] I. I thought, you know, and I was. I would say I was really in love with him.
[00:08:28] And maybe that's where they are. I don't know. I'm not here to judge that. I'm just.
[00:08:32] It's like a gut punch of maybe. Like, maybe I. I didn't matter. I was just there to fill in the gap. I was just there to get him through whatever he was going through with his wife.
[00:08:48] And I served my purpose.
[00:08:50] And that feels pretty shitty.
[00:08:52] Now. That's just speculation.
[00:08:55] But I.
[00:08:57] I also, in the last couple weeks, reached out. I told you guys a little bit about him.
[00:09:04] A guy I was dating during COVID that he is married. He's. He was married. He's married.
[00:09:10] And he was the one that wouldn't take me to get dental. Like, I had a app. Like, I had a mass in my mouth, and he was like, no, I don't do that. Like, I don't.
[00:09:23] I'm married. I already have somebody I take care of. I don't take care of my girlfriends or my other partners.
[00:09:28] If you remember that story I saw, like, I'm friends with her on social media and him, but he never posts anything. But I don't know. It's like one of her posts made me just. I was like, I should reach out to him. And I asked. I reached out. I was like, hey, how's it going?
[00:09:49] You know, your. Your wife's post made me think of you. And I. I just. I hope everything's okay. It just seemed a little weird.
[00:09:56] And he responded that they are separated. They've Been separated first sounds like at least half a year.
[00:10:03] And it's been a really, really hard year on him, you know, and they were poly and I thought a very strong couple.
[00:10:15] And so it, it just makes me think, you know, like the, the people that are married that decide to open up their marriage, clearly they're doing it for other reasons and reasons that they don't even want to acknowledge to themselves about their current relationship.
[00:10:39] And it makes me really happy. I have gotten out of that world.
[00:10:43] You know, I always wanted to be like, you know, I was always the number, not the number one, but like, I want to feel like I have as much at stake as somebody else.
[00:10:58] And I didn't. You know, I've never felt like that in a poly relationship. I always felt like number two and hence, like, why I pulled away from that life because.
[00:11:12] Yeah. And like, I don't want to be responsible for breaking up anybody's marriage. And I don't want to be responsible for or have to pick up or take care of you when your wife and you decide to part ways. And that's what I felt like happened with the lieutenant is like, he is like, we're getting divorced and I just want to be monogamous with you. And I'm like, whoa. Like, that was not, that was not how we entered into this relationship.
[00:11:36] But it's, it's, it's fascinating to me to watch over the last, I don't know, let's call it seven years of kind of being in that world that I'm not sure I've. I know anybody that was poly that is still together, you know, So I don't know, maybe it doesn't work.
[00:12:05] It just, it makes me also take a breath and like, be glad I'm not in it anymore and then. But I also feel like, God, I might have wasted like some really good years investing in that. But at the same time, I wasn't necessarily looking for my person, so I can't, you know, it was fine for what I was looking for.
[00:12:33] I, I feel sad for the couples that opened up their marriages and are no longer happy. And it's solidified what they knew and they thought to start.
[00:12:51] Sorry. That was. See, that felt like a lot.
[00:12:57] Yeah. Otherwise, like, my life is a little crazy, like work wise and my son is starting basketball, so things have changed a little bit. But yeah, things are good.
[00:13:11] Things are great with J. Man.
[00:13:15] He might be traveling over the month of December, so that kind of sucks a little bit not to see him.
[00:13:22] And.
[00:13:25] Yeah. But otherwise, otherwise, things are good. So I. I am going to pull up some funnies because I feel like this whole week has been funnies and not my funnies, just like shit I'm seeing online.
[00:13:41] So I'm still on some like, singles network.
[00:13:44] Singles. It's. It's Colorado singles. Anyways, um, and I even. I even read this the other day and J Man was over and I was like. Like, I can't make this stuff up and people wonder why they're single. And I'm like, I just, like, I don't think I really want to help, but like, I kind of want to help. So this guy says, and I'm going to do my best. I'm not a good reader, but to read this word for word, he says, well, I am very lonely and tired of a digital text affair, if that's what we are even calling this.
[00:14:24] I need a human female touch.
[00:14:28] And the only woman I can get to spend time with me is a woman I have to. To pay.
[00:14:36] Yikes. Regardless of how many people say I look good, period.
[00:14:44] So there must be something in my personality as to why I can't obtain a woman I perceive as a match to spend time with. However, I just got home, so I need to put myself out there by going places and trying to meet some women.
[00:15:00] I have never been married because for one reason or another, I could never achieve a lasting relationship with the woman, with the women I appreciate. For one reason or another, I would like to be married. Married to a woman I like a lot.
[00:15:17] Okay. I have so many. I have so many thoughts anyways.
[00:15:21] And I can perceive, and I could perceive she likes me and will stand by me, actually miss me and care for me. I want to have the feeling that if I am missing, she will work and fight to the ends of the earth to find out where or what happened to me. Just someone who truly shows, who truly cares for me as a person.
[00:15:47] Woo. Like that, That's. That's a lot, bro. Like, I. I just want to. Like, I feel like I should be, like, I should be in advertising for therapists and just post on like, singles connects, connect pages. Because, like, this guy, like, I. I feel bad for him.
[00:16:15] But you should, like, you're. You're posting, you're. You're hoping to meet somebody and you're posting that you're paying for sex.
[00:16:21] And then there's just. There's so many red flags.
[00:16:32] This guy, this is a different page, but are you so sorry?
[00:16:40] He says, I'll fall for you if you are.
[00:16:44] Are ready to open up. Be vulnerable. Share your joys and not hide your pain.
[00:16:50] I love being allowed to be the ointment to your scars. If you already open up, you are ready for a life partner without rushing anything. Ointment to your scars.
[00:17:03] Okay, that one. That one wasn't horrible. But like, that just sounds gross. Like, that just sounds gross.
[00:17:15] You guys like this guy?
[00:17:19] I am a divorced father with two boys, 18 and 13 years old, looking for a true life partner. Coming from an all male family with a angry face, scrunchy, angry eyes, I've always wished for a sister or a daughter, but never had a chance. If you have a little girl, I would be so happy to treat her as my cherished princess. I love cooking, listening to music, and traveling.
[00:17:48] Okay, he sounds like a pedophile.
[00:17:50] Like he only wants to date women that have little girls.
[00:17:59] I don't know. That just felt crazy. Crazy creepy. Crazy creepy.
[00:18:06] Okay, one more because we still have a little, little time here.
[00:18:10] This is back. We're back in Colorado. Here. About me.
[00:18:14] I'm in my drizzle phase. My kind of.
[00:18:18] My soft. Sorry, my soft king era. I don't know what that means. Maybe my kids can tell me what that means. I'm looking for a woman who knows her worth. And mine too.
[00:18:30] Okay, buckle up.
[00:18:33] My rent, $5,000 a month. My hair, $500 a month. My wardrobe, $1500 a week. Those fresh Adidas, $500 a week. And of course, my weekly stay pretty allowance. $2,000.
[00:18:52] I know exactly what I bring to the table. Me.
[00:18:56] So no broke energy, no negotiations. Let's make it rain rain. Elegance and attitude with a girly fingers with nail polish, bro.
[00:19:09] Okay, hey, if you have $500 a week to spend on new shoes, so you're spending two grand on new Adidas every month.
[00:19:23] Go fuck yourself. My, like, seriously, my stay pretty allowance of $2,000 weekly. What? What? What? Like, I'm. I'm a chick and I can't figure out how I would spend $2,000 a week, a week to stay pretty.
[00:19:49] Like, I could probably figure out how to stay pretty for $2,000 a month. But a week?
[00:19:56] And even $2,000 a month, I'm like, holy. Like, like, are you getting your hair done daily? Like, I don't. But that's. That's $500 a month. That's excluded from his stay pretty allowance.
[00:20:11] Or maybe, maybe the stay pretty allowance is for his girl.
[00:20:17] Hmm. So she could stay pretty. He'll give her $2,000 a week to stay pretty. I mean, then that's maybe an enticing offer.
[00:20:30] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[00:20:33] Like, this is. I, like, like, I do wonder, like, people that post this, like, are they. Are they just looking for attention? Are they looking just for a reaction? Are they serious? But, like, I don't know. It's out in the world now. Like, anyways, I'm. I'm judging hard, hard here.
[00:20:57] And if you know how to spend $2,000 a week on beauty, please let me know. I mean, I'm gonna do some math.
[00:21:07] I'll come back to y' all next week.
[00:21:10] I don't even like, what the fuck.
[00:21:15] Yeah. So that's what's happening in the lovely world of Colorado this week.
[00:21:20] Thank you guys for listening and putting up with my unremarkable yet remarkable stories. I hope you all have a great week. Thanks.
