Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:04] Hi there. It's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:09] I was thinking that it's funny how much can happen in one week, how things can change.
[00:00:21] And I mean that, like, for. For work, for relationships, for life, for kids. Like, I think about, like, oh, a week just is so fast. But when something happens that you don't expect, it kind of changes the trajectory of where you're headed.
[00:00:43] So this week, I don't know if I. I don't think I've told you guys. My oldest son, he has seizures. He has epilepsy, but he has these absent seizures, and essentially, it's where he.
[00:00:58] It looks almost kind of like he's just. He stops what he's doing and he stares off into space.
[00:01:03] And he has had this since.
[00:01:06] Well, we discovered it during COVID Early in Covid.
[00:01:11] And he does really good when he takes his medicine.
[00:01:16] And we're very fortunate because of.
[00:01:20] I mean, epilepsy is super scary, and this is really probably the least scary of all of them.
[00:01:28] But, you know, when you're. When your kids are sick or your kids have a disease or, you know, I have friends that have lost children to disease, and I have. Into cancer, and I have friends that have a friend who.
[00:01:44] Her son had a brain tumor and had to have it removed and, like, how scary that is.
[00:01:51] And this week, I had to take my son in for an eeg, which is not a big deal. It's not invasive.
[00:01:59] They just hook up his head and check out the brain waves and see if he has a seizure while they.
[00:02:07] They do different. Like, they flash lights, they make him blow on a pinwheel, they make him sleep to see if these things would trigger a seizure and to. So we can see how he's doing.
[00:02:21] And as any. You know, any parent that ever has to see your kid in a vulnerable spot, it just, you know, it's very.
[00:02:31] It's not that it's scary. It's. It. But it.
[00:02:35] I don't know, you realize how delicate things are, how delicate life is. And, you know, there's just this worry as a parent that we have, and, you know, so I just.
[00:02:50] I know there's so many people that have kiddos with. With issues or concerns or that even when they're sick, like, even last night, my oldest, like, I think he strained his chest muscles by hanging on a basketball hoop. And he is in so much pain, and you want to do something that you could. You know, you want to be able to fix it.
[00:03:13] So just, you know, I see you guys, I see the worry.
[00:03:17] And, you know, we're. I know we're all doing the best we can, but it just was a reminder this week of, I mean, how fortunate I am and my kiddos are, even though we have challenges and. And they have things. But just.
[00:03:37] It's just. Yeah, it was a week where I needed, you know, a little bit more time for reflecting.
[00:03:48] But in good news, not that that's not good news, because that. He's. He's okay.
[00:03:56] I told you guys I was getting back on Hinge, and I'm getting. My intent was.
[00:04:06] Is. Was. I don't know, is to start to pay attention and learn these patterns of Burn the haystack.
[00:04:18] And just a reminder, it's the idea of the haystack is, let's just say fucking hinge.
[00:04:26] And you gotta burn through all the bullshit to find your needle.
[00:04:33] There's a lot of. There's a lot of bullshit on it and there's. It's. It's.
[00:04:38] I really.
[00:04:40] I really.
[00:04:43] I'm not looking forward to that.
[00:04:49] I got on Hinge this last week and met someone, started chatting with someone probably the second day I was on there. And again, like, you guys, I've been saying this, like, I am not looking to date someone.
[00:05:07] Like, I was just kind of taking the summer to fill my own bucket and travel and do the things I wanted to do. But I really have this interest in this, like, pattern because I was reading this book and I really, you know, wanted to be able to, like, put it into practice before I was out there, you know, trying to meet somebody.
[00:05:32] But that's not always the way the world works. And I had to go back and look at my word of the year, which was receive.
[00:05:42] And I think if you listen to the podcast in. In, you know, the beginning of the year, it's a word that me makes me really uncomfortable. But I wanted to put myself.
[00:05:55] Make myself open to the opportunities that come up and.
[00:06:01] And also that I don't have to chase for everything. I don't have to, like, if. If I put.
[00:06:09] It's a little woo. Good energy into the world and I put positive, like, intentions that. That things will come my way and I just have to be open to receiving them.
[00:06:22] And I, you know, I see this at work for. For me and my business partner all the time, that the minute we stop worrying, hustling, chasing, that something good will happen because we've. We're good people and we put good into the world and the work we do is good. And so if we just continue to do that, you know, we will be rewarded. We will receive.
[00:06:54] What the next opportunity or is the next relationship or the next project or, you know, it. It's fascinating.
[00:07:02] So I had to remind myself that even while I'm. I got unhinged with the intent of working through the burn the haystack method, I have to be open to receiving. So when this gentleman reached out and. And he reached out with an actual message, not just a, hey, hey, how's your day?
[00:07:27] But he reached out. He plays euchre and was commenting on the fact that I do. And that's part of my profile. Was that, like. And, like, he read my profile. An intentional. Intentional message.
[00:07:43] No red flags on his profile.
[00:07:47] No holding a fish.
[00:07:49] No topless flexing.
[00:07:55] No. Like, laying on a pillow.
[00:08:00] Yeah.
[00:08:01] Like, all the. All the cringy things, like, very.
[00:08:04] Seems very, very normal and, like, a very nice profile.
[00:08:10] So we started talking, and you guys, like, he's. He's seems like a really good human, and. And I have to get out of my head a little bit because I'm like, hey, I'm not. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking to. To date. But I have to be open if, like, he is. He is a good person, and he, like, you never. You never know.
[00:08:38] So bottle up that. Like, I don't want to go on dates. I don't want to do this. And, like, lean in a little bit.
[00:08:46] And the coincidence is we were talking, and he and I have the same kid schedules, so he's divorced, has a son, and I have never met anyone in my life, man or woman, like, friend or not, that has the same schedule as I do. Like, I feel like that's a sign.
[00:09:16] I don't know. So I was like, oh, my gosh. I was the one that was like, well, like, this is amazing. This is, like, a sign, like, we have to get together. Like, I, like, throughout all, like, fucks and was like, no, we should definitely get together.
[00:09:30] And we did. We had a date. We had brunch.
[00:09:38] He picked a place. Love that. Because I, you know, you guys know, I feel like I make all the decisions for everybody every time. All the times.
[00:09:48] So he picked a place, had a really great brunch, great conversation, like, easy conversation.
[00:09:56] And then we went golfing. We went to a golf simulator and played 18, did a scramble. I was very hesitant about that. I was supposed to golf earlier in the week with a friend, and I just. I didn't feel like that. It was so hot. I'm awesome. I haven't golfed in a year and a half, so I'm very self conscious. I'm not a good golfer.
[00:10:18] I like to be the best at the things I do, and it's hard for me to not, but I know I'm not.
[00:10:26] So I. I was like, oh, like, golf could go badly.
[00:10:33] Like, if he's not a.
[00:10:37] There's all the. All the things that I think about. But it was actually super fun. And he was incredibly nice and funny and easygoing and kind of like, yeah, you kind of suck at golf, but you're really fun to hang out with kind of vibe.
[00:10:57] I will say we used one of my drives and maybe a few other of my shots. Probably like less than 5% of all balls hit, but that's how bad I am. But I will take it.
[00:11:11] So anyways, like, a very unexpected connection from this time last week when I was just like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go out and put myself out out there and, like, see what I see to learn my lessons. But it's funny. It's funny how in just a few days and meeting someone and talking to somebody, I don't know, something could change.
[00:11:38] Oh, it was also funny. We're gonna call him Scratch, and I don't know, I don't know if what he'll think about that name.
[00:11:51] It's funny, when we were first talking, he sent me a link to some of his music.
[00:11:59] He's very creative.
[00:12:01] And so I immediately was just like, fuck, I'm just gonna send you. Here's a link to my podcast.
[00:12:06] Like, let's just rip the band aid off.
[00:12:08] Because also, if you guys remember, do you remember that guy that I had a date planned with and I told him I had a podcast and he immediately was like, cease and desist. Like, do not use my information. Do not talk about me on the podcast. I want nothing to do with this.
[00:12:24] Like, you have no rights to talk about me. Like, remember that guy? Like, the crazy reaction?
[00:12:32] Like, I just want to avoid that. And I. I'm pretty honest about the podcast, and if people want to listen, they can. But it definitely felt like it wasn't a thing for me and J Man at the beginning. Like, I told him about it. I don't know, like, a few dates in.
[00:12:52] But it could be a thing. And I think it became a thing for him later.
[00:12:58] So I was just like, here you go. Here's. Here's my creative outlet. So I sent it to Scratch, and he listened to a couple episodes and had some questions and, you know, it's vulnerable to send something like this to somebody that you have never met and have them make a determination or before even meeting you, kind of what you're like.
[00:13:26] So.
[00:13:29] But I. He seems very supportive and very curious.
[00:13:35] And so that. Anyways, that was part of our conversation. But I had. I had jokingly asked him, like, what do you want your stage name to be? And he came up with a name. I don't. I don't like it. So sorry, I have to come up with a new name.
[00:13:56] So scrat. We're going with scratch. And I also have to say, like, I've dated many men with the first initial of J.
[00:14:10] I think probably 80% of men I have dated have. Have a name that starts with J and he doesn't.
[00:14:20] And the silliest. It's so stupid. But it makes me really happy.
[00:14:27] Not that, like, everybody that's named starts with a J is the same person. It's just.
[00:14:32] It makes. It makes me really happy.
[00:14:38] So we'll see. He seems like a very grounded, creative, kind human that has his shit together.
[00:14:50] And he seems like he is the kind of guy that just wants to go experience life and make the best out of all the. All the days.
[00:15:02] So we'll see. We have another day planned.
[00:15:08] Cautiously optimistic.
[00:15:12] All right, so I'm going to give you guys one more of the burn the haystack that we're trying to avoid.
[00:15:21] And this one, and I haven't seen this a lot, but number two is, are you my mother?
[00:15:30] And here's an example of a profile that is this about me. I'm a good person and I have been unlucky in love, but still hope to find my soulmate. I'm looking for someone who isn't too high maintenance, isn't too proud, but can still be feminine and can motivate me to become the best version of myself.
[00:15:50] Now, like, I read that and I don't immediately pick up on any red flags.
[00:15:56] But then, like, I read about this pattern and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I probably would have missed this.
[00:16:03] The pattern is he wants someone who will demand and expect nothing of him, but also motivate him to be better. Just like a mother.
[00:16:14] It's good he wants to do better, but he's an adult and it's his job to motivate himself, not the job of a romantic partner.
[00:16:22] I'm like, that's fascinating. Like, and I think as women, a lot of us want to be the fixers. You know, we, like, we. I don't know. Since I was like a, like, high schooler, college person, dating. I thought I could fix the broken men.
[00:16:39] And, you know, you. You can't.
[00:16:45] So that was a pattern. It's a. It's a pattern that, like, I don't think I've seen, but I want to keep my eye open for. Because, like, that subtlety of motivate me to become the best person I can become, like, that feels like a. That feels welcoming to me, but it. It's not. It's actually, like, a huge red flag.
[00:17:08] So, okay, we've gone through two. So now we have the test and apologize and the. Are you my mother? I also think, are you my mother? I always think of that, like, is it a Dr. Seuss book where, like, the bird is.
[00:17:22] The bird asks. This is so stupid. The bird asks, like, the I don't know, dog if it's his mother.
[00:17:31] Anyways, that's what goes through my head when I think of that. All right, you guys. So my funnies today are based on my last, like, few days last week on Hinge. And I'm holding my ground. Like, I don't have any alerts. I'm spending less than 10 minutes a day on there because I don't want it to be all consuming. And it could be.
[00:17:54] So these are actual people in Denver, which is even more horrifying. And they're. They're not, like, the crazy, horrifying stories like I've told you guys in the past. Like, but they're pretty cringy still.
[00:18:08] All right, here we go.
[00:18:10] This guy, he is a firefighter, and he's holding a puppy on his lap on sitting on a fire truck. You guys are like, ooh, hot, man.
[00:18:22] One would. One would think dating me is like dating a comedian, a mental patient, and a porn star all at all in once.
[00:18:34] Dude, you're 48.
[00:18:36] Me, like, okay, comedian. I can go for mental patient. What? What? And then I feel like he's mocking mental illness. I don't know. And then a porn star.
[00:18:49] Maybe he's on one of those calendars. And then he's. He has another post. It says, I'm wildly.
[00:18:56] No, I'm sorry. I'm weirdly attracted to mild daddy issues. Oh, my God, he's walking. Red flag. Like, block and burn, Chris.
[00:19:09] This guy.
[00:19:11] This is. Again, not. This is not cringy. But this year, I really want to get outside.
[00:19:18] That's it. Like, that's your profile. Thanks, Lucas. Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Like, and go outside. Like, why are you not Going outside.
[00:19:31] Okay, this guy.
[00:19:33] I don't even know what this means, but okay. So on Hinge, you could have, like, prompts where people can vote and things it says my dream home must include. And their options that you can click of what your dream home must include a D and D room with custom table and themed like a fantasy tavern. So Dungeons and Dragons. I've never played option number two, A quiet, safe space for remote therapy sessions in and crying while. While healing.
[00:20:10] I don't even.
[00:20:12] I. I don't even know what to do with that. Like, I go to therapy. I cry.
[00:20:19] Remote therapy sessions in and cry. Why? I. Okay. I don't need a whole room in my house for that, though. I'm a little worried if you do. And then the third option is rat room, which I don't even know what a rat room is, so I should probably look that up.
[00:20:37] I pick none of the above.
[00:20:39] Pass. Hard pass.
[00:20:42] Oh, and you guys, I know I've been telling you guys to sign up because I want to do a newsletter where I can send you pictures and I want to say thank you for the one. To the one person who signed up for the newsletter.
[00:20:54] She's going to have all the fun and the rest of you aren't. So go to flirt and after40.com and sign up because I want to be able to send you guys some of these pictures. This one guy looks like he's going to murder you. He looks like. Like a puppet. Like the. Like a ventriloquist. The. The dummy. The. That talks. That's scary.
[00:21:14] He's like a.
[00:21:16] He looks exactly like that.
[00:21:19] Nothing really cringy in his words. But I still think he might murder me in my sleep. So we're gonna pass this guy. He's.
[00:21:31] He's really exciting.
[00:21:33] This year I want to cut down on speeding.
[00:21:37] What the fuck?
[00:21:39] Like, that's your goal for the year? Cut down on speeding?
[00:21:42] Like, I mean, I'm like, I have. I have a thousand goals more incredible than this.
[00:21:52] Cut down on speeding. Well, buddy, I think you have control over that. And if that's your big life concern, like, I feel really. I feel kind of bad for you.
[00:22:07] I won't even talk about. Well, I'm going to talk about this guy because I think I've. I've talked about this, but there are websites or groups where women can share really bad experiences, like, of abuse or men taking advantage of them, et cetera. And I've seen this guy posted before, and, like, he is a. He's totally a walking red flag. My love language is food. Let's cook some homemade pasta or pizza and chocolate chip cookies together and enjoy some wine together.
[00:22:41] Naps.
[00:22:42] Naps is not a love language, nor is food, but naps. Let's snuggle after an epic day of adventuring.
[00:22:48] Physical touch. Yeah, we know where he's going with this. Let's enjoy all the feels and sensations.
[00:22:55] Oh, my God. And then we'll get along. If you enjoy quality time and physical touch.
[00:23:00] Yep, he's looking for sex.
[00:23:03] Enjoy being playful and laughing, laughing together. Enjoy a man who would rather cook for with you than go out. You enjoy the simple pleasures in life and have a spicy side.
[00:23:13] Thinking's fire. Fire, fire.
[00:23:16] Do not go out with this man. All he's looking for is sex. I mean, if you're looking just for sex, you should. But caution, ladies.
[00:23:25] And then we're back to profiles that just give you nothing to go off of.
[00:23:30] Mark, I geek out on walking.
[00:23:35] Wow.
[00:23:36] Wow, you sound really exciting. Mark, who geeks out on walking. Like, if you. Something. Like, if I like, I geek out on hiking, whatever. I geek out on walking the whatever trail. But just walking and like, how do you expect people to respond to that?
[00:23:56] Yeah, I love walking too.
[00:23:58] Like, what the fuck?
[00:24:01] All right, the last one I'm going to go with. And it's same as like these guys with these one words.
[00:24:07] This guy, he's 51, Tony, he says, I'm looking for you.
[00:24:12] That's it. I'm looking for you. And then together we could not be apart again. I don't know what to do with any of these things. Like, I'm looking for you. Well, you don't know who I am, so you're not really looking for me. You're looking for somebody that has no personality because they respond to a prompt like, I'm looking for you. And then together we could not be apart. Which feels kind of obsessive already.
[00:24:40] Like, I don't know. That feels. Really feels not good. So anyways, thank you, guys.
[00:25:00] I am, I am back on there. So I'll have more funny stories for you. Or not.
[00:25:07] I don't know. Like, we'll see how things go with Scratch again. Like just meeting and getting to know him. But it's also a nice reminder that there are good people out there. And I think that's also what I learned from J man, is like, there are good guys and we just do have to, like, weed through the shit to find them.
[00:25:29] So I hope you guys have a. Have a better week than the guy who's trying not to speed. And the guy who loves walking.
[00:25:39] Sorry, I just can't help myself.
[00:25:43] Anyways, thank you for listening, and I hope you guys have a great week. Bye.
