Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:06] Hi there, it's Tracy. And welcome back to flirting after 40.
[00:00:10] So I actually didn't really want to record today.
[00:00:17] And it's not.
[00:00:19] It's just because I feel like I've achieved a goal. Like, I started this podcast because I knew I had stories to share and with the intent of finding love. And I'm not. I'm not declaring my love to J Man, but I feel like we are on the right path.
[00:00:46] I feel like he is such an unexpected surprise.
[00:00:52] And he really checks boxes I didn't know that I needed checked.
[00:00:58] And so, like, I don't know what else to talk about. Um, I mean, I have more stories, but, like, I kind of feel like maybe when the year is up, I will.
[00:01:12] I will retire this. Um, I mean, that's still a couple. That's like, I don't know, six, eight more weeks. Like, there's still a long time to tell things, but. And I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. Clearly.
[00:01:26] I'm 45 and was single, so I've been wrong many times in my life, but I don't know, there's something that feels maybe not wrong and maybe this is all like the things we go through when we're first with someone.
[00:01:46] So sorry, you guys. Last week I published late. I had recorded it before I was going to release it. And then Jamie and I went to Vegas together.
[00:01:56] He.
[00:01:57] Well, I had some comps I needed to spend and I was like, hey, you want to come to Vegas Wednesday to Friday? And he was like, yeah. So I. I truly, like, just lost sight of this. And that. That, I think is a good.
[00:02:11] That's a good indicator when things are going well.
[00:02:14] We had a great time. We had a really great time.
[00:02:18] I would say my favorite things about it were, like, we enjoy dining together, like, trying different things and sharing food. And I don't know, it was really, like, that was super fun. And then on Thursday, I was so tired. Like, Wednesday I was a champ. I'm. I'm pretty much a pumpkin. I turn into a Pumpkin at like 10 o' clock at night. And.
[00:02:49] But like, Wednesday night I stayed out till, I don't know, we were up till like one, which is late for me. And I swear I woke up at like 6 in the morning, like, ready to fucking go, like, on fire.
[00:03:00] So by like 4, I was fading and we were having some food and I don't know, he made a snarky comment that I think normally I would have found funny, but I didn't and I was teary And. But I was like. I think I was just really tired, but also seeing how.
[00:03:23] How that went. He handled that really well. Like, you know, like, he was sorry for his comment. He was like, I didn't mean to make you cry. And I was like, I don't think you made me cry. I think I'm just, like, really tired, and it just hit the wrong way.
[00:03:43] No fights. Like, I had this dream, though, you guys.
[00:03:46] So Thursday morning.
[00:03:50] Sorry, Friday. Yeah, Thursday morning.
[00:03:52] Friday morning. Anyways, the day. Friday morning.
[00:03:58] Like, you know, you kind of start to stir, but you're still falling back asleep. Well, I started to stir, and I was like, like, kind of in this, like, half, like, ooh, I kind of want sex. Like, like, thought, but, like, fell back to sleep.
[00:04:17] And in my dream, this is a dream, you guys. This didn't really happen. But in my dream, I was like, all, like, kind of up. Up on him in the morning of, like. Like, okay, I'm ready. Like, let's have some sexy time.
[00:04:33] And in my dream, he.
[00:04:37] If I wanted that, I'd let you know.
[00:04:40] Or, like, why would you think I would want to, like, kind of, like, why would you think I would want to have sex with you?
[00:04:45] And in my dream, like, I was like, oh, wow. Like.
[00:04:51] Like, this is a new side. Like, okay, like, sorry. Like, I'll back off. Like, I rolled away.
[00:05:00] And then in my dream, he was like. And you hit me in the middle of the night.
[00:05:07] You haven't even apologized for that. And I was like, I don't even remember. Like, I don't remember this. I don't remember.
[00:05:13] I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I don't remember hitting you. I don't remember anything of last night. Well, you should, like. And in my dream, he was so mean and so aggressive and. And, like, he had hurt his back the week before, but I was like. So in my dream again, I was like, hey, why don't I just get up? I'll get you some ibuprofen.
[00:05:35] We'll get our day going. Like, trying to just, like, tamper any aggression.
[00:05:42] He was like. He was like, if I wanted ibuprofen, I would tell you I wanted ibuprofen. Anyways, in my dream, I was like, oh, my God, I cannot believe we're breaking up in Vegas.
[00:05:55] And I woke up and he sound asleep. And it was all a dream. But, like, I had this anxiety, like, of, like, it's maybe, like, my subconscious was like, it's too good to be true. Like, so, like, what's gonna Happen to, like, sabotage this. I don't know. Like, I believe in, like, things like that. Like, our brains do up shit to us.
[00:06:23] So he woke up anyways. I told him about the dream right away. And, like. But it, like, all day it kind of just like, sat with me.
[00:06:31] I don't know why.
[00:06:32] Like, I don't. I don't think my, like, subconscious is telling me, like, something bad is going to happen.
[00:06:39] I think it's just anxiety about maybe a new relationship. And you're like, you don't. Your body's like, I don't even know what to do with this.
[00:06:49] Even though it's like, all really good, you know? And it's funny. Like, I.
[00:06:56] I think a lot about, like.
[00:07:01] I think, like, for example, I'm like, I don't even know why I'm thinking about this, but, like, would I want to live with this person?
[00:07:10] Which is a big, big thing. And I'm like, why? Why in the world, Tracy, are you thinking about this when you're. You've known this guy for three months. Like, what the fuck? Like, and, And I have no desire. Like, I'm very comfortable living on my own.
[00:07:27] I have said, like, I don't need to live with someone. I don't need to get married again.
[00:07:33] But, like, I think we're all, like, kind of preconditioned or like, my generation is preconditioned to, like, assume that, like, not necessarily the marriage part, but, like, well, if you get serious, you should live together.
[00:07:49] And I stopped myself the other day and I was like, no, you, like, no, you get. You are.
[00:08:00] I'm pep talking myself. And I think we all kind of need to do this sometimes. Like, you get to make the rules.
[00:08:08] You, Tracy, are in charge of whatever the fuck you want to do.
[00:08:14] And so if you decide at some point you want to live with this person, fine. If you decide at some point, like, you don't want to. Like, but why in the world are we preconditioned to, like, think these things? And, like, I need to determine soon if this is someone I could actually see my life with. Like, whoa, whoa, like, like, no wonder I'm having these fucked up dreams. Like, But I. I honestly think it is just a kind of how I was raised and kind of how the world expects, or I'm not gonna say dictates, because that's not true. But, like, my generation, how it's expected to look, you know? And, like, I think it's fascinating. He has a lot of friends that are together but not married, you know, And I ask questions like, well, why aren't they married? And I'm like, why do I ask those questions?
[00:09:22] Like, why.
[00:09:24] Why does it matter whether they're married or not?
[00:09:28] Like, why don't I ask the question of, like, are they happy?
[00:09:33] And it's just so fucked up. And clearly, like, I. I do go to therapy and I have things to work through that where I believe somehow that that is the end all, be all. Or I believe that, like, because you love someone and you're happy, you should live together. Like, that just doesn't make any sense.
[00:09:58] I don't know, I've been thinking, like, it just.
[00:10:02] And. And I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I think, like, if it makes sense and you want to live with someone, you should. But I don't think that, like, you have to either.
[00:10:13] Um.
[00:10:16] Yeah. So I'm just sharing the innards of my brain because I feel like this is probably a lot of things that people think about that are our age and if you're dating and what it looks like. And I'm. I just. I'm going to keep reminding myself that I get to make the rules.
[00:10:35] I mean, obviously with him in this relationship. But like.
[00:10:40] Like, I don't have to conform to anything. I don't have to conform that. That does not have to be our path.
[00:10:52] Daily reminders that we get to choose our life and we get to choose how we live was really cute. My son, who is 13, has this girlfriend and he really likes her. He really likes her a lot. It's a little. It's a little scary as a. As a parent.
[00:11:16] And there's these. I don't know if I told you guys, and maybe I did. There's these things called boo baskets, where your boo, you know, your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever you would, like, get them a basket of things they like as a gift.
[00:11:32] And so, I don't know, like a month ago we had to go to Target so he could make her a boo basket.
[00:11:39] And apparently she's made him one before too, but. And. And I'm not. I'm not telling the story to embarrass him. I'm telling it because it's a really sweet reminder of what young love looks like.
[00:11:55] So this week was her birthday and he was like, mom, we gotta go. We gotta go to Target. I gotta get her a gift. And I'm like, dude, do you have any money? He's like, yep, I have money. Like, I gotta go get her a gift. And it was a rainy, cold day And I, like, hadn't gotten dressed all day. I was like, dude, I'll drive you to Target, but I'm not going in. You go get your shit. Pay for it, whatever. Like, I. He's in eighth grade. Like, I'm empowering you. So anyways, he got her all this stuff and came back, and he's like, I need a box. And I told him, you know, like, go search the recycling bin. Get a box. Put the shit in the box, and here's where the wrapping paper is. If you want it, wrap it, whatever. Let me know if you need help. And he needed help wrapping it. And he comes into my. He comes into my room. He's like, mom, I need help. I, like, I don't know how to wrap a box. You know? I'm like, okay, I can teach you this.
[00:12:50] But it was heavily scented with his cologne, and I gave him a hard time. I said, babe, like, did you. Did you, like, spray your cologne on everything in the box? And he just kind of gave me this look, like, yeah, Yeah. I spray my cologne over every stuffed animal and piece of candy, this box, and makes me laugh. And it brings me this, like, nostalgia feeling of, like, you know, remember, like, the first person you, like, really were into. And, like, it's. It's really, really cute to watch him on this adventure.
[00:13:37] I'm kind of on this adventure.
[00:13:39] He doesn't know it, but anyways, I helped him wrap the box, and then he needed a card, so I, like, drew out. Like, I had a blank card, and I drew out Happy birthday on it. And. But he, you know, like, what do I write?
[00:13:53] Anyways, he was adorable, and he was so, like, fear is.
[00:14:00] Fear is this. I don't know. Like.
[00:14:02] Like, he was just so, like, committed to this goal. Like, I'm like, this girl means something to me. I'm getting her a birthday gift. I'm gonna make a special. Like, he had clear intent.
[00:14:19] I asked him while we were rapping and stuff, and, hey, like, I was making a card and stuff, you know? Like, I'm like. He's like, mom, I'm gonna marry this girl.
[00:14:32] He's like, mark my words. And I'm like, oh, like, holy. Holy shit. Holy shit. And I. I. I want to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have your whole life in front of you, and, like, don't you ever fucking, like, say that.
[00:14:46] And I'm like, this is not my. This is not my story. This is. This is his story.
[00:14:51] And I'm like, shut your face. Shut your Face, Tracy, shut your face. And, and I did say, like, I, like you have a long life in front of you. And he was like, mark my words. And I was like, okay, babe. Like, okay, bud. Like, give me anxiety. Of like, Jesus. Like the, like, I don't want him to ever feel pressure from me. Of like, you know, you have to conform these certain ways.
[00:15:21] I don't know, I don't know what's made him think that. Like he, well, maybe it's her. He wants to marry her. I don't know. But. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
[00:15:31] Anyways, so he goes, I drive him to deliver the birthday gift, and he comes out of her house with a basket of his own. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, why? You give her a gift and she gives you a gift? He's like, well, it's for National Boyfriend's Day, which was on October 3rd.
[00:15:54] I'm like, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, this girl is like, I mean, she's passionate too. Like they have equal passion. It's kind of crazy. And anyways, so then I felt bad. I had, I had to text J man and let him know, like, I'm sorry I didn't get you a boo basket for National Boyfriend's Day, but I, I, I think he was, he was, he was good with it. But yeah, that's like the extremes. I feel like that's extremes of my life right now.
[00:16:34] All right, so my funny for the day again, I'm not on these dating profiles, so I'm relying a lot on like, things I'm seeing online and shit like that. But let's see.
[00:16:51] I saw this one. It was really funny and I don't know if it's real. Guy says, you know, shall we go out?
[00:16:59] And the girl says, will your girlfriend be okay with that? He says, I don't have a girlfriend.
[00:17:05] And she says, who's that? Women? Who is that woman in your photos? Then he says, my wife, but we're just friends.
[00:17:13] And I'm like, yep, that about sums up.
[00:17:18] That about sums up.
[00:17:22] Sums up dating in Denver or anywhere, but I think that was in Denver.
[00:17:30] Let's see what else we got.
[00:17:34] Oh, oh, I got this one for you guys. More things of that men find attractive in women. Men speak out. We are listening.
[00:17:45] Ah, number one thing, set yourself apart from the modern woman who blames men for everything.
[00:17:52] Be traditional and respectful. Then peace and happiness will be achieved.
[00:17:58] So don't be bold, don't be brave, but be traditional.
[00:18:03] Body count, Lots of body Counts again.
[00:18:11] This guy says women can.
[00:18:15] Again, can we do. It's just like proofread. Your women can need to be validated or revelant things outside of the relationship or hide uncertainty or responsibility. By expecting you to lead at everything, not excluding their own responsibilities, then you've then expected to initiate their desires. I'm like, that is just like, I don't even know what that means.
[00:18:38] And then this woman retaliates with. To all those who said body count. But I suppose it's okay for you to have.
[00:18:46] We have needs as well. And you need to make sure you know what to do with that.
[00:18:51] One guy says plastic surgery.
[00:18:55] This other guy says men find tattoos and piercings are a turn off.
[00:19:02] Military training. Another guy says, I'm like, all these men want this. Like, like submissive, traditional women yet. Okay, I'm. I'm just gonna stop.
[00:19:15] Okay? Military training. Females who try to be too masculine, too friendly. I'm like, I don't even know what that means.
[00:19:30] Other men's children.
[00:19:34] Non virgins. Wow.
[00:19:37] This guy. Okay, this guy. This is other man's children.
[00:19:42] He looks to be about 70 years old. Like, dude, you're 70. Like, you're not having any more kids.
[00:19:51] Why are you discriminating against women that had kids?
[00:19:57] This guy says high body count of feminists.
[00:20:03] Unappreciative. Unwillingness to accept responsibility and say sorry. Demanding, disrespectful. Takes advantage of good men. Expects a man to know what she wants. Was saying it.
[00:20:15] I think he means without saying it. Or says the opposite and blames him for not knowing better.
[00:20:25] All right, Santiago says number five. Number four. Sorry. High body counts. Number three. Vulgar behavior. Behavior. Excessive alcohol consumption. Swearing, Being loud and being. And desperately trying to be the center of attention. Terrible appearance. Tattoos, unusual hair color, septum and tongue piercings.
[00:20:52] I didn't even take a picture of. Number one.
[00:20:55] Pothead. Short hair, tomboys, can't cook. Frigid.
[00:21:00] For me personally, a kid with.
[00:21:03] Sorry. A woman with kids. An alcoholic, a smoker. A bad, bad character.
[00:21:08] Like, body hair, like, it just goes on and on and on them women. Be powerful, be strong.
[00:21:23] Get your fucking tattoos, your crazy hair.
[00:21:26] Like, fuck anybody who doesn't like you for that.
[00:21:31] Okay, I'm off my soapbox.
[00:21:35] And then I'm saying, like, I don't know what I'm going to talk about for a month. Oh, I have plenty. Or two months. Like, I have plenty still to talk about. You guys are amazing.
[00:21:46] Thank you for always listening. And I will be better about putting it out on time, but I hope you guys have a great week.
[00:21:55] Much love.
