Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:06] Hi there. Welcome back to flirting after 40, it's Tracy and Happy New Year, everybody.
[00:00:16] How is it already the middle of January?
[00:00:22] Anyways, you guys, I, I think you guys know that in the last year, the. Towards the end of the last year, I was questioning if I should continue this or not, and.
[00:00:33] Cause I was like, you know, I've met a great person.
[00:00:36] Yay. My mission is done. Like, because that was kind of my goal, was let's try to just, you know, meet somebody good, end up in a relationship.
[00:00:46] But what I realized also is that while I did meet somebody great, that's not the end of the story.
[00:00:56] And, and, you know, the, the beginning, the, of any relationship is usually, you know, sunshines and fucking rainbows.
[00:01:08] And then it gets a little hard.
[00:01:14] And I think it's important for all of us to remember that, like, great. I.
[00:01:19] I did meet somebody, but that doesn't mean that this is indeed my person forever. This doesn't mean that there aren't going to be struggles. It doesn't mean that this is the end of my journey here either.
[00:01:36] So I've decided to keep going. Now, this could change at any point, but I.
[00:01:44] I don't know. I. I got. I've received some messages from friends and people that have listened to the show that are really encouraging and, and that they really do enjoy it.
[00:02:00] And so, yes, I've made the. The decision to. To keep going and try to keep on cadence with my Thursday launches.
[00:02:10] So plan on tuning back in every Thursday morning.
[00:02:16] My.
[00:02:18] You know, I shared my word with you guys for 2026, and it's been great. I've. I've gotten a lot of feedback on that, and other people have shared their words, and a few of the words and I love hearing this are certainty, power, and connection.
[00:02:38] I.
[00:02:40] I love. I love the. The intent of having a word, and I love intentionally setting it into motion at the beginning of the year.
[00:02:51] I also love new beginnings, and I, I love that January gives us that time to reflect back and reflect forward as to how do we step into our power? How do we make those connections?
[00:03:08] How do we move with confidence? Like, these are words and these are the things that people have said.
[00:03:19] I love mine. You know, receive.
[00:03:23] It still feels like I'm asking for things, but just to be able to be patient and trust in the process.
[00:03:33] Um, so I just. You guys, thank you for sharing your words with me and sharing what your goals are for 2026.
[00:03:41] I. I'd like to continue to revisit it now and then and. And Especially around what it means to me.
[00:03:48] I. I will. I will also keep you guys posted on this.
[00:03:53] So my big update. I had a birthday two days ago, and.
[00:04:04] I swear, last. So last year, if you guys recall, I was supposed to have a weekend away with Sparky and that blew up and he went out with somebody else and we split up and that was a shit show.
[00:04:21] This year, I would say was better, but not great by any means.
[00:04:28] I went to Costa Rica, my favorite place in the whole world.
[00:04:34] I just, you guys, I love it. I love the people. I love the food. I love the ease of getting there. I love the water.
[00:04:42] If you've never gone, I highly suggest it.
[00:04:46] And I had invited J Man to come with me, and he said yes.
[00:04:52] So it was really our first trip together.
[00:04:56] Like, we went to Aspen. Like, we've. We've done a couple little trips, but, like five nights together.
[00:05:04] And it was.
[00:05:08] It was fun.
[00:05:10] I also realized that I need to, you know, in a relationship, make more compromises, probably.
[00:05:20] I. I am very used to traveling on my own, traveling by myself, doing what I want, how I want, without regard for how somebody else wants things done.
[00:05:31] And it, it's just, it's little things.
[00:05:34] He loves the TV on all the time.
[00:05:38] When I am normally in Costa Rica, I don't think I normally turn it on at all.
[00:05:44] These are not big, big deal breakers. But it's things that make me remind me that relationships take effort.
[00:05:55] There are compromises also. Kind of like, if I want that kind of trip, I should probably do it by myself. And that's not a dig on how he travels. It's just, you know, sometimes I. The thing that I learned with traveling by myself is you do have that freedom and you don't have to.
[00:06:19] You don't have to compromise in any capacity. And it's uncomfortable at first, but it's also really liberating. So even though we're dating, I think it's probably still really important for me to take a trip, a few trips, whatever it looks like, on my own.
[00:06:36] To be able to find the space that person brings me peace without having to think of somebody else. And maybe that sounds selfish, maybe it is, I don't know. But I. I think it's really valid that we all need to be able to experience things how exactly we would like to, if that. If that makes sense. We had our first big fight.
[00:07:11] And it unfortunately occurred the evening before my birthday.
[00:07:21] And it was a. It was a doozy.
[00:07:25] I.
[00:07:29] I felt very.
[00:07:35] I felt like my integrity was being attacked.
[00:07:39] And that is something I hold very dear to myself. And I strive for higher integrity all the time.
[00:07:48] And so it really.
[00:07:50] It really shook me.
[00:07:54] And it was the last night we were supposed to be celebrating there.
[00:07:58] So it was also the. These emotions of, like, well, fuck, like, we got into this big fight and it's our last night. And just to leave on that note, and to come into my birthday on that note felt like shit.
[00:08:17] I woke up the next morning, like, we went to bed not speaking.
[00:08:21] I woke up the next morning very upset still. And it took.
[00:08:29] It took time for him to apologize. It took, I don't know, 20, 30 minutes, and which I find trouble troubling.
[00:08:42] And I just. I. I was just sad the whole day.
[00:08:47] I. I am able to accept the apology, but I also didn't want to continue the fight during my birthday. I wanted to just move on from it. And I'm not also good at just moving on. I think you guys probably know this.
[00:09:05] So it just sat with me the whole day.
[00:09:09] We flew home and it was fine.
[00:09:14] I just.
[00:09:16] I felt like another. Like, it was like, fuck, another birthday, and I felt like, shit.
[00:09:26] I got home and my kids didn't know it was my birthday, so I was pissed at my ex. Like, dude, it's your fucking job as a parent to at least inform the children when it's their parents, other parents birthday. Like, I don't need a gift. But I would have liked to come into my house and my kids at least say happy Birthday. Or they ask me, you know, like, what should we do to celebrate?
[00:09:53] Or they draw me a card, and I didn't get that. And I, like, came home and like, I don't cry, really, in front of my kids. And I just was a mess. I was a mess. I was like, fuck everybody. That's kind of how I felt.
[00:10:18] I.
[00:10:23] Yeah, so not the best birthday, you know. And then the. The fight with J. Man really, really, really did shake me and made me look back on the trip at other things, like just with a different lens, nothing not as rosy, and other things that irked me or where I felt not as seen or.
[00:11:00] Or things that were said that made me feel a certain way.
[00:11:04] And he and I spoke last night and we addressed them and we addressed. You know, I was hurt that it took 20 to 30 minutes for him to apologize.
[00:11:16] You know, the, The. The. The amazing thing about him is his. He's very logical, he is very calm.
[00:11:28] Explained to me, you know, like, it was really our first fight and how, how does one wake up? Like, we don't we're still learning about each other. How does one go about the morning after a big fight? Do they shut down? Do they lash back out? Do they pretend it didn't happen? You know, he was like, I don't know what you. I didn't know what your demeanor would be. I didn't know how it would be. And so I needed a little bit of time to feel that out, too, you know, And I did say, like, it. It hurt my feelings again that it took that much time.
[00:12:07] So we. We talked through all of the things, and, you know, I feel. I feel better.
[00:12:16] But I do think I'm realizing that, you know, the honeymoon phase is probably over. You know, we're getting into, like, what do we look like really, you know, at the end of the day?
[00:12:33] And, you know, I would love to say I'm.
[00:12:40] I'm sold. I'm.
[00:12:43] I mean, I think he's an amazing and a great person, but I. I think what this trip did to me was, like, bring a little bit more reality into the picture.
[00:12:55] And I'm not going to call them red flags, but there's. There are flags. There are things that might be problematic for me in the long run, and I.
[00:13:10] I also realized that I'm not the best at addressing issues immediately when they come up. I. I sit on things and I.
[00:13:21] I'm not gonna say I stew, but it takes me a little while after something happens for me to process what happened. And so then I also feel like, well, shit, I don't wanna go back and revisit things that had happened.
[00:13:38] And so we talked about that, about how.
[00:13:42] I don't know how to bring things back up.
[00:13:45] Anyways, it was.
[00:13:47] Costa Rica was lovely. We did have a lovely trip. It was great.
[00:13:52] But I.
[00:13:54] I think it's just given me a little bit more to reflect on and.
[00:14:05] And I think that's good. I think that's part of. Also why I have the podcast is, you know, yes, you found somebody great.
[00:14:16] How do we figure out if this person is your person, you know, forever? How do we figure out how. How does a relationship when you're 40, now, six, look?
[00:14:29] Because I. I also think when we were younger, it was. You're just kind of like, I'm in love with this person. It's amazing.
[00:14:36] We're gonna make it work.
[00:14:38] I love being on my own. I love traveling on my own. I. Well, I don't necessarily love being on my own, but I love.
[00:14:45] I know that I can sustain a life that is happy and healthy without a partner. In it.
[00:14:52] So I. I'm not also feeling that need to make everything work all the time either.
[00:14:58] So how do we. How do we go through this?
[00:15:03] And I think that's part of the. Also, the reason why I wanted to. To keep the podcast going is because I think it's.
[00:15:11] I think it's important that we are constantly reflecting on our relationships and evaluating them and striving for them to be better and acknowledging what's not working.
[00:15:23] And I do feel pressure to stay in this relationship, and that's not fair to him. I feel pressure because you all. I mean, that. That sounds bad, too, but the feedback I've received from everyone is that they're rooting for J Man, and, yay, you found a good guy. And yes, I have, and I'm rooting for him, too, and I'm rooting for us. But I also.
[00:15:50] It's a very familiar pressure of trying to make everybody else happy.
[00:15:57] It probably sounds so dumb to you guys. You're like, what the fuck? Like, we don't care. We just want you to be happy, Trace. But the pressure of making things work is now trickling in, and I don't know if that's just a condition that I have that I feel like I need to please everyone.
[00:16:21] I don't want to hurt him. I don't want.
[00:16:24] I. I'm a.
[00:16:26] I want to make everybody happy.
[00:16:29] And so there. There's pressure creeping into my thoughts.
[00:16:36] So I saw this on Instagram, and this really hit hard home for me. It says, the hardest relationship isn't the toxic one. It's the healthy one that comes after, because that's when you have to unlearn all the survival tactics you picked up just to function in dysfunction.
[00:16:57] And that really hit me. I was like, okay, it's not the hardest one. It's the healthy one that comes after.
[00:17:03] And I did say this to J Man. I said, you know, I'm not used to also being able and having the space to bring things up when I feel a certain way because of reactions I'm scared of from other people.
[00:17:24] With him, it's. He's very calm and very open to that.
[00:17:31] And I'm kind of like, I don't even know what to do with this, but it's amazing.
[00:17:38] Yeah. So bear with me as my story evolves. I want to talk about last week, and I. I think I talked about this last year, too, but that January 6th is known as Divorce Day.
[00:17:54] Uh, it's the first Monday back to work in January is nicknamed Divorce Day.
[00:17:59] Uh, it's the day lawyers report a spike in calls and inquiry inquiries from people asking what would it take to leave? And it. I think it's, you know, January, the new word, the new year.
[00:18:12] And people are like, I cannot. I can't do another year of that, so I gotta get out. Um, I mean, I don't think January 6th is like the day that divorces start, but it's like the whole year has. The last year was really hard and people are like, I want this year to be better.
[00:18:29] And divorce is top of mind for a lot of people.
[00:18:34] I would love to know. I mean, I don't. I don't think mine was on January 6.
[00:18:41] But the fact that it's like the day that lawyers report the biggest spike in divorces, I thought is.
[00:18:48] It's fascinating.
[00:18:50] I hope no one is celebrating divorce day.
[00:18:53] Well, you guys, I just want to wish you all a very happy new year. And I hope 2026.
[00:19:00] I'm not sure it's going to be better for all of us, but that there is Joy found in 2026 and that everyone is making strides to live their best, authentic life.
[00:19:16] I very much want to thank you for making 2025 a really impactful year for me.
[00:19:23] The podcast, you know, I started it January 1st of 2025, and it has evolved into something that has given me space to show up as I am.
[00:19:38] I'm still shocked when people tell me they listen to really brings me a lot of joy. And the fact that many of you have told me it brings you joy, just, it makes it feel all. All worthwhile. And so a heartfelt thank you guys and I'm looking forward to sharing 2,026 with you.
[00:20:03] And as always, thank you for listening and I will talk to you next week.
