Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Hi there. It's Tracy. And welcome back to flirt after 40.
[00:00:09] So this last week, my son. My youngest son, turned 12.
[00:00:14] So that was the highlight of my week.
[00:00:21] You know, he's this sweet kid still, and he's got this huge imagination, and he still feels like a little boy. And I know this is gonna probably be the last year that he is like this, and.
[00:00:34] Oh, that's. I mean, I'm so happy for him. He's growing up, and he's an amazing person, but I just.
[00:00:43] Oh, it makes me sad. It makes me sad.
[00:00:48] We went out to Red Lobster to celebrate. He wanted crab. So anyways, it was. It was super fun. And, yeah, I just have to gush just. Just a little bit.
[00:01:03] So last week, it was really weird for me on.
[00:01:14] It was Friday night, Saturday night. What was it? It was 6. 26 of 26.
[00:01:22] So that was. I have to just look at my calendar.
[00:01:27] That was on Friday. Friday. So on Friday, something super weird happened. Like, I.
[00:01:34] It was kind of a quiet day. I went to the farm, a farmer's market. I went and grabbed lunch, and I came home and.
[00:01:45] Well, earlier in the day when I woke up, I had a text.
[00:01:49] I had a text from J. Man.
[00:01:51] And he was saying how he's so angry at me and that he was listening to a.
[00:02:02] Something on the radio. And it said. They were saying that anger is an addiction and that, like, he doesn't want to be angry. And he. You know, and I wrote back something like, like, I'm a little confused because I could see you being hurt or sad or, like, confused or. But angry.
[00:02:27] Anger does. Angry doesn't feel like.
[00:02:30] Like, I didn't intentionally do something to you and. Anyways, didn't hear back from him.
[00:02:39] Went to the farmer's market, went to lunch, got home and talked to.
[00:02:49] So, okay, you guys know, I don't like talking on the phone or, like, really talking on the phone. So got home, and one of my besties from Michigan called me, and her and I hadn't talked in forever, and we caught up for over an hour on the phone, which for her and I, that's not super, you know, super odd, but still, like, a really long conversation and a really, like, deep and meaningful conversation about how our kids are growing up and they're looking at their fathers differently and they're wanting to know stories of why, like, what happened in our pasts and, you know, just about how, like, there we were talking, like, how. Or I was saying. Let's just say that I. I think men don't that they carry a lot of shame for the things that they have done. And most men that I know don't go to therapy, don't do the work, and they never figure out how to forgive themselves, how to deal with that shame.
[00:04:09] And like, I thought that with my ex, when he couldn't apologize to our son for forgetting about 8th grade graduation and he. He couldn't even say he was sorry like that. Is that a shame?
[00:04:28] Um, and you know, just how, you know, the kids are getting older and the older they get, the more they're.
[00:04:38] They're recognizing, like, they're seeing it for what it is.
[00:04:44] So a really, really deep, kind of intense conversation.
[00:04:50] Then I talked to my sister on the phone for another hour.
[00:04:57] I'm like, okay, so much phone talking.
[00:05:00] And her. And I, like, not that we don't do that a lot, but.
[00:05:05] And I had had a few glasses of wine, so maybe I was just like a chatterbox. But we talked to the phone for over an hour, and if we, like normally talk, it's like 15 minutes, you know, 20 minutes. So.
[00:05:19] Okay, that was fun.
[00:05:21] And then J Man and I are texting and about this anger thing, and I was just like, can we just talk? Because I'm. I'm tired of just texting. Anyways, we talked for two and a half hours.
[00:05:41] So now I'm at like four and a half hours. People on the phone for someone who doesn't like to talk.
[00:05:48] And then like, that was a very emotional conversation. That was.
[00:05:55] Oh, also I talked to. I forgot I had a business call come in between my sister and J Man. That was like a 30 minute call that left me very confused.
[00:06:07] So, okay, so five hours and then the J Man conversation. I'm not. I mean, it's two hours, but two and a half hours. But it was essentially like he needs. He needed to express. I think he needed to express the hurt and what he feels as anger.
[00:06:26] Anger that I didn't give things a chance, anger that I had made up my mind, anger that I felt the way that I felt.
[00:06:37] And I don't know that I agree with him that that was anger. But, you know, I can. I can take that feedback and I can listen. And there's nothing. There's nothing I'm going to do to change that. There's nothing I can do to change the past.
[00:06:59] I know I handled this breakup far better than the first one.
[00:07:09] I'm. I'm. I was sorry that I hurt him, but I'm not sure that I. I agree that anger is that That I deserved the anger. You like the situation? Yes.
[00:07:23] The circumstances? Yes. But anger directed at me I'm not sure I agree with. But anyways, we had a really good conversation and talked through.
[00:07:36] I feel like all of it caught up a little bit and it was good.
[00:07:46] Then hung up and like some flirty texts.
[00:07:52] I'll get into that in a minute.
[00:07:54] And then I was texting with my friend and I don't know, I don't even remember. Like I was telling her about this business call and somehow we like, she was like, sent me like, you want to chat? Like you want to call? So I called her and another like hour and a half conversation.
[00:08:17] And I don't know. I don't know. It was like, it felt like like a day of healing. Like a day of like talk to all the people, get it out. Like, I don't know. And I don't know if it was like, had to do with the date. I think the date. I don't know, the date felt symbolic. Like 6, 26 of 26.
[00:08:41] And I was watching Ted Lasso, so there was a lot of talk about that.
[00:08:47] And like I was setting some intentions and some goals and anyways, just a really interesting evening of.
[00:08:59] I Forgot how much 7 hours on the phone, let's say.
[00:09:04] I can't even believe that.
[00:09:06] And.
[00:09:08] And then my friend, it was late and I. I don't stay up late, but like, I feel like, you know, we need to stay up to midnight to see this day through. To see this day at. At its close.
[00:09:20] So we did.
[00:09:22] Anyways, it was just such. I don't even know what to make of it, but very. Yeah, yeah, maybe I don't not like to talk on the phone as much as I say I don't like to talk on the phone.
[00:09:38] So anyways, the, the. I don't want to go like the whole J Man thing. Like I'm kind of like you guys were. We don't need to talk about it. But I am curious if people believe you can have like just a friends with benefits kind of relationship with somebody that you had a relationship with before.
[00:10:01] To me, I think probably not because I.
[00:10:07] I mean, I don't know. Like if I.
[00:10:11] I think I. I would have a really hard time because I don't really want to. I'm at this point in my life where I don't necessarily just want to sleep with somebody. I don't necessarily need the sex. Like maybe there's a. Like, I don't know, let's just say once a month.
[00:10:31] But like, if you've been with someone and you care about someone, there's just a deeper connection.
[00:10:38] And I don't know how you separate the two. I don't know how you can.
[00:10:45] Can do that.
[00:10:47] I also wanted to ask, like, do you think you can be friends with an ex?
[00:10:51] I would like to say yes. I think so. But I think I might be able to say that because I'm the one that ended things with him.
[00:11:03] Because I think if somebody ended things with me, I'm not sure I would really want to be their friend or at least for a really long time.
[00:11:14] I mean, I guess even the question of, like, can men and women really be friends?
[00:11:21] I think yes.
[00:11:24] And maybe it's because I have a lot of male friends, but most of them are through work, and so there's different boundaries there.
[00:11:35] But, yeah, I'm not. I'm not sure. So anyways, J Man was like, let's. Let's, like, let's hang out on Saturday night, maybe have a little fun. I was like, this is a really bad idea.
[00:11:51] And, you know, he's like, yep. But nothing ever. I don't know, nothing ever good comes from good idea. No, I don't even know what it said, but, like, like, kind of like, screw it. And I was like, all right, let's. Let's hang out. So he went and grabbed sushi and then came back over to my house.
[00:12:11] It was good. We had a really good time.
[00:12:14] But I. I worry that I am somehow leading him on, even though I'm like, nothing. Like, we're not getting back together. This is.
[00:12:27] This was just what it is, you know, dinner with a friend and some sex. Like, I don't. I don't know.
[00:12:37] I'm really, really worried that.
[00:12:39] That I've already. Already hurt him, and he's angry and this is just going to make it worse.
[00:12:46] And I'm.
[00:12:47] I am worried that he will or could misread this for something more.
[00:13:01] So, like, we texted a little after or the next day about it, and I. I kind of said that, like, I don't know. I don't know if we can casually date or be friends with benefits. I don't know how that works. And he's like, I think we would need to. We need to have a conversation about it. And, yeah, I mean, I'm happy to have a conversation about it. I just don't know how it. How it actually does work. And I don't know how even, like, how I would feel because he is somebody that I love that I like. I. I do. And I want the best for him. I. But I know in my heart he is not my person, and that's not gonna change. So, I mean, I guess, like, kind of what's the point?
[00:13:51] But also, like, we're both.
[00:13:55] We. We get along. I think we could be really good friends.
[00:14:00] But, yeah, maybe the sex just messes it up a little bit or a lot bit.
[00:14:08] I don't know. I don't know. I would love to know, like, because I've never.
[00:14:12] I've honestly never really had a friends with benefits. Like, I mean, I've had one night stands, but I don't. I've just never had a person that.
[00:14:23] That's really just the. The basis of our relationship. Because I always want to get to know somebody more. I always want to know.
[00:14:35] I always want the deeper connection.
[00:14:38] And I don't know if you can have a deeper connection with somebody that you're just like, hey, we're just gonna be friends. And sometimes we fuck. Like, I don't know if that's possible.
[00:14:46] So, yeah, I would love to know what you guys. I would love to know what you guys think, because it doesn't feel great, but it doesn't feel awful either, so.
[00:15:07] Drama, drama, drama. All right, I got some funnies for you guys.
[00:15:16] Buckle up, all right? As I'm like, have to. I have to, like, scroll through my phone. You guys know this. But. And there's like, all these birthday photos.
[00:15:26] This one isn't. Isn't bad, but this guy is.
[00:15:32] I think he was, like, 40 years old. Tall, dark, and handsome. Graduated College with a 4.0 GPA. Former competitive swimmer, really good cook.
[00:15:43] You're 40. Who gives a what your GPA was like?
[00:15:48] I don't know. I just. I was like, really? Like again. Well, that one at least wasn't a resume, but yay. Go you. You were smart in college.
[00:15:59] Friendship with women only. Due to my work schedule, I'm extremely busy. I only answer once a week. Get to the point of what you're saying. I don't have time for general conversation or your 21 question. Mind games. You get one message a week from me with Summer being here. I'm selective in my hangouts. If you work a job, don't text me at your workplace because you're bored. I'm not an entertainment center for your boredom. Stay. Stop hitting the suggestion bar. It's not attractive. I'm like, bro.
[00:16:30] What? How? How?
[00:16:32] Like, why? Why? Why? You're so busy. You're so important.
[00:16:37] Why are you even, like, on this. Why are you dating?
[00:16:44] Yeah, he sounds like a gem, all right.
[00:16:53] It's hard for a single man like me. All you women now have kids. I want my own kids, not yours. No offense.
[00:17:01] Okay, I don't even know what this Yuns mean. So we're going to look this up together in a minute. Yuns have let these dirtbag men con you in your early years and had kids with them. And now that Yuns have figured out that they weren't any good, Yuns are now wanting men like me that's single and has their crap. He can't even write that's. That's single and has their crap together. Y don't want me in the Yuns earlier years, so why would I let you into my life now? I don't want some washed up lady that originally wanted bad boy and now does it.
[00:17:37] Okay, I don't even know what the the definition of a Yuns is.
[00:17:41] I think I looked it up after this. I read this and I already forgot it because it's ridiculous.
[00:17:49] Okay, Yuns is essentially you all or you guys.
[00:17:58] Yeah, why don't you just say that? Yuns. Have you guys ever heard that before? I've never heard this.
[00:18:05] Maybe my. Maybe my kids do or you once, Whoever. Who says you ones. That's like.
[00:18:14] Anyways, bro, nobody wants to have your babies.
[00:18:22] All right, Yuns, I hope you guys have a great week.
[00:18:29] I'll try to throw. Throw that new word we learned around a little bit more here and there.
[00:18:39] All right, well, I would love to hear from you guys. So if you have any opinions on friends with benefits. Not friends with benefits, red flags, throw them my way because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
[00:18:54] And let me know if anything else weird happened on 6, 26 of 26, because I. I don't know, feel like it was a very magical day.
[00:19:05] All right, I will talk to you guys next week. Thanks.
